Battling Brothers: Police responded to a report of a domestic dispute in a hotel room in Tampa. The victim told police that his brother had come back to their room drunk, and he "asked him to leave so there wouldn't be any trouble." Rather than honor his brother's wishes, the man began "tearing up" their room. When the victim yelled at him to stop, the suspect punched him in the mouth. Per the report, "He grabbed him to keep him from punching him again, and his brother turned around and bit him on his left side." Apparently, this wasn't the first time the guy had pulled a Tyson during a fight, and the victim said, "He has scars from when his brother bit him the last time." In his defense, the masticating (but media-savvy) madman stated "that brothers are supposed to fight like that," then told police he wouldn't say anything else "unless it was off the record."
Small-Time Crooks: From the "I can't believe they tried to steal that" file: Two men entered a Bealls outlet store in Tampa and started shopping. The store's security officer sensed something was amiss immediately, and began following the men on the store's surveillance camera. The officer observed one man "take a white tank top from one of the clothing racks and put it down the front of his pants." Total value of the tank top: $2.98. The men then went to the register, where the guy without a wife-beater stuffed down his crotch purchased some underwear. Once the men exited the store the security officer gave pursuit. Best line from the police report: "[The security officer] did not try to physically stop the subjects because there was two of them. He wrote down the license plate number of the car, … and described it as a Cadillac, older model, gray in color. He then called police. He believed the tank top was a Haynes."
Total Scumbag: Warn your grandma not to fall for this scam! A 91-year-old woman was hanging laundry outside her Tampa home when a white van pulled into the alley behind the house. A man got out of the passenger side, told her his name was "Ralph" and said he was there "to inspect the electricity." When the victim protested, telling him "her son had not told her he was coming," Ralph stated, "she could get a five hundred dollar fine if he did not check it and that her son had sent him." Once in the house, Ralph told the woman to watch the water in the kitchen sink to see if it turned black and proceeded out of view and into the back of the house. After ransacking the bedrooms for $891 in cash and coins, Ralph fled in an unknown direction. From the files of the T.P.D.
This article appears in Jul 13-19, 2005.