After a victory by the Bronx Bombers, Yankee Stadium pumps “New York, New York” through its loudspeakers. Red Sox fans croon “Sweet Caroline” at Fenway in the eighth inning. Catchy songs you know by heart (well, at least the choruses). Tunes you can hum.
So what does the front office for our beloved Rays give their adoring fans? “Feel the Heat Rays, ” an abominable Dirk Diggler monster of a song, if it can even be called that. While the Rays piled on top of one another following their ALCS Game 7 win on Sunday night, I cringed with embarrassment as this noisefest was broadcast to millions of homes and sports bars all over the U.S. Not only should it not be our theme song, it should not be played anywhere. Ever. I mean no offense to Darren Moore of Living Under Venus, who wrote and recorded the song, and who I’m sure is very proud of it. But not every song you write can be a winner. And the moment lines like the ones below hit the page, it’s time to make like Jack Torrance and slide a fresh white sheet into the ol’ typewriter:
"Fueled by the sun and we’re ready
In control of the game.
Watch em sweat, hitting heavy.
Make em remember the name
Rays!
We hit a rocket to the Skyway.
Rise to your feet and chant with faith."
Enuff Z'nuff on their worst day could have done better.
So to be consistent with the team's name, which now refers to beams of sunshine (as opposed to inedible fish), here are my proposals for songs that are much more deserving of being blasted throughout the Trop, including a few that have nothing to do with the sun, but everything to do with rocking out and good times:
1. Walking on Sunshine — Katrina and the Waves (Key line you love to sing: “Waayy-O!”
2. Here Comes the Sun — The Beatles (Key line you love to sing: “Doo-doo-do-do.”)
3. Walking on the Sun — Smash Mouth (Key line you love to sing: “Because fashion is smashin’ the true meaning of it.”)
4. I Can See Clearly Now — Johnny Nash (Key line you love to sing: “It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiney day.”)
5. The Heat Is On — Glenn Frey (Key line you love to sing: “Oh, wo ho, Oh, wo ho.”)
6. Turn on Your Heartlight: — Neil Diamond (Key line you love to sing: “Don’t wake me up too soon; gonna take a ride across the moon, you and me.”)
7. I Get Knocked Down — Chumbawamba (Key line you love to sing: “He drinks a whisky drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink.”)
8. The Living Years — Mike + the Mechanics (Key line you love to sing: “Say it loud, say it clear…”)
9. Feel My Heat — Dirk Diggler and Reed Rothchild (Key line you love to sing: “All day, all night, you feel my heat. Feel, feel, feel, feel, feel — feel my heat.”
10. You Got the Touch — Dirk Diggler (Key line you love to sing: “You’re a winner!”)
This article appears in Oct 22-28, 2008.