1. Theft requires careful planning
Some simple rules of thievery: First, no matter how good the plan, the getaway car must be tip-top. The three men who broke into Electric Supply of Tampa learned this the hard way when they stole $13,000 worth of copper, but the 1994 Mercury Marquis they were driving couldn't handle the load (7/26/06). Second, on the off chance you get caught, make sure you're not carrying contraband. The idiots nabbed trying to rob the Best Buy on N. Dale Mabry figured this out when a search of their pockets yielded 82 pills (including Valium and Diazepam) and prompted additional charges (3/15/06). Third, make sure you have the proper tools. A man trying to steal prescription drugs from West Coast Pharmacy on N. Florida Avenue brought only a fishing gaffe to reach behind the counter, managing to reel in only pill bottle caps (9/27/06). And finally, have a backup plan. Don't be the guys who tried to rob the Safari Inn on Busch Boulevard. When the desk clerk freaked out and fled through the back door, the men "fled the scene empty handed," since, "at this point there was no one left to give up the money" (10/4/06).
2. I don't want to be Tased
More and more, cops are bypassing deadly force and instead using the power of the prong to nab fleeing criminals. Though most are routine, I detailed quite a few local Tasings this year where things went a little awry. That includes the story of a man who fled police and was shot with a Taser in his right cheek. Rather than go to the hospital for "prong removal," the man "reached up and removed it himself" (7/5/06). And then there was the man fleeing a group of cops and bail bondsmen, who proceeded to chase, pepper spray and Tase him, after which the suspect was transported to St. Joseph's Hospital, for "removal of a Taser prong that was in the … right side of his head" (12/13/06). The Taser even works on animals. I discovered one case where a pit bull was subdued by the Taser (11/29/06).
3. Driving while intoxicated is a bad idea
A military officer guarding MacDill Air Force Base in Tampa observed a vehicle swerving badly and heading toward the base's front gate. Once the car arrived at the gate, the officer quickly realized the driver was drunk because he had bloodshot eyes, badly slurred speech, no recollection of the current time of day and "was attempting to travel to St. Petersburg and did not realize he was at a military base gate" (3/1/06). Even better was the man who, just before midnight on Oct. 3, drove his Chevy S-10 pickup through downtown Tampa and crashed "into the marble post near the ATM position at TPD headquarters." As you might imagine in a case where someone drives his car into police headquarters, officers were on the scene quickly and much Tasing ensued (11/1/06).
4. Cop cars can be hard to spot
That means you, the 29-year-old man who rear-ended the marked police cruiser sitting at a red light at the corner of Dale Mabry and Interbay Boulevard in Tampa (8/23/06). And you, the Orlando man who drove his 1987 Lincoln westbound on E. Columbus Drive in Tampa (Columbus Drive is a one-way street running eastbound) before slamming his Lincoln into an unmarked unit crossing the street (10/4/06). And you, the man in the van who hit a cop car parked at a Shell gas station (11/1/01). And you, the man wheeling around Tampa General Hospital, emerged from between two buildings and smashed into a police cruiser (11/1/01). And you, the whole group of people that had an accident on I-275 that ended with an Acura being thrown into a police car that had stopped to help traffic get by safely (11/1/06).
5. People say amazing things
I have two favorites. The first is from a February report of a nosy man peeping on two neighbors having sex. The couple told police the man was drunk and asking for his nail gun back. The man admitted to police that he had looked in the window; per the report, "He saw the complainant having sex with another neighbor and said, 'Get your fucking ass off her, her father stole my watch a long time ago'" (3/22/06). My other favorite quote was uttered by a man busted on Nebraska Avenue for drinking a Schlitz Malt Liquor. During routine questioning, the officer asked the man if he was HIV positive. His response: "I have A.I.D.S. all the way!" (6/14/06).
6. Natty Light rules the street
I wrote five Open Container Roundup columns this year, chronicling some 22 arrests. Of those arrests, 13 were for Natural Light or Ice. Far and away the champ. A quick check of Wikipedia reveals that Natural brand is distributed by Anheuser-Busch, the Light variety first available in 1977, followed by Natty Ice in 1996. Wikipedia goes on to say: "Due to its relatively low price and high availability, it is popular at both high school and college parties in the United States." Naturally. (6/21/06).
7. The kids are out of control
There was no shortage of juvenile offenders in 2006. Some highlights included: the woman in Tampa who complained that her son was cursing her out, had kicked a hole in a the wall and was "'out of control' because he could not get a pack of bubble-gum at the grocery store" (2/15/06); the student at Tampa Bay Elementary who, when told to sit down and continue working, picked up a chair, tossed it into the garbage can, stormed out of the classroom, tore down student artwork in the hallway and attempted to stab a teacher with a pair of scissors (1/25/06); and, of course, the teen who lifted "several thousand dollars in cash," from her dad's underwear drawer (2/22/06).
8. Irony is alive and well
A private security firm received a report of an intrusion alarm at CTS Sales, a Nextel cell phone provider located on W. Kennedy Boulevard in Tampa. The firm notified police, who responded to the scene and discovered "the front door pried open with a crowbar." Unfortunately, it could not be immediately determined what, if anything, had been taken, since "the alarm company could not get a hold of anyone" (9/27/06).
9. I have never been "threatened"
At least, not like these two Tampa residents who, while sitting on the porch of their apartment, were approached by a man "in a threatening manner." What does that entail? The suspect (a gang member) had attacked one of the victims the previous day, was armed with a machete, threatened to kill the couple and blow up their apartment, struck the front door several times with the machete, and then finished up by kicking out the windows on their car (10/4/06).
10. Sometimes cops do amazing things
I'm usually focused on the wild and wacky side of cop life, but sometimes I hit upon a story of true heroism. Tampa police officers S. Mazza and T. Pasley observed smoke coming from a building at the intersection of Seventh Avenue and 40th Street. After onlookers informed them that someone was still inside the building, Officer Mazza climbed an external staircase and kicked open a locked door, and found a man inside. Per the report: "He went inside and tried to pull the male out and the smoke overtook him." Officer Pasley then went into the building, managing to pull both Officer Mazza and the victim out of the building. All three were transported to Tampa General, where the man was listed in serious condition and the officers were released with minor injuries (9/27/06).
From the files of the T.P.D.
This article appears in Dec 27, 2006 – Jan 2, 2007.