Acts of Gordhttp://www.actsofgord.com
This site is perfect for anybody who has or currently does work in customer service, dealing with the dregs of society, pandering to their insipid whims and absolute stupidity, simply because the paycheck relies on such a demeanor. How many times have you wished to be the owner, just so you could tell the simplistic goat fucks just what you thought of them? The Gord lives that dream. The front page tells the tale of how a regular guy and owner/operator of a Video Game Rental Store in Canada became the Gord. Short version: dealing with fools. Nine different sections will teach you the word of the Gord. Watch as the mouth breathers are treated to missives such as, "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I subscribe to the theory of intellectual osmosis. As such, I must now cease our conversation and move away from you before my intelligence begins to drop. Good day." (The Gord speaks only in italics.) Astound as The Gord uses Caller ID to call rude customers and grant them verbal abuse from days of yore in a polite, friendly tone. Fear retribution from The Gord. Know his power in "Gord Is A Vengeful Gord" and "Thou Shall Not Steal From The Gord." The Gord is not above leveling a pimp slap to those silly enough to steal from him. Of course, most accounts should be taken with a grain of salt; after all, I really don't think you can get away with slamming people into walls just for being stupid (even if it is Canada). That would be nice, though. But the Gord is wise; when somebody breaks a rental game then demands their money back, The Gord simply replies, "When I dream, I want a pony."
—Patrick J. Graney
This article appears in Oct 4-10, 2001.