Ouchy the Clownhttp://www.ouchytheclown.com
It's time to play a game, kiddies. But not just any old game, oh no, this one is called "Web site of no redeeming value that you really didn't need to know about but the author found it so disturbingly funny that he had to it share with you." If you have kids either (a) lock them in the basement or (b) let them out of the basement (because those are the twisted bastards who can relate) fire up the 'puter and visit your new favorite entertainer, Ouchy the Clown. He ain't Smuckers, but with a name like Ouchy, it has to be good. After all, he is the "Premier Provider of Adult Clown Services." Choose your favorite form of S&M, as Ouchy's motto is "making you laugh while I hurt you." If you need visual aid, pictures are provided of his Straight Razor Shaving techniques. Yes, those are genitalia. And smoothly shaven at that. Nice work, Ouchy! But that's not all. This is one well-rounded clown. Check it — DJ services. How cool would that be? The Dom Clown spins techno while he hits (maybe literally!) on your whomever. I wonder if he does weddings. But that's not all. Ouchy knows that in order to survive in this new, competitive workplace, you have to multitask. Therefore, he's also a meeting facilitator. That's what I want to see running my next board meeting: A fat guy in leather shorts and clown makeup. But then again, he says it best: "Sure, it's weird to have a clown facilitator, but you've seen stranger things, I'm sure." And how can you not resolve conflict when there's a white-faced, red-lipped grinning joker paddling your ass? When he's done, we're gonna go over to Grandma's rest home and have him call the Bingo letters.
—Patrick J. Graney
This article appears in Oct 11-17, 2001.