By George Niemann
CL/Daily Loaf contributor and UCAN, RLAND, FSP activist, eternal Florida Hometown Democracy believer
The views expressed are my own and not necessarily the same as the organizations to which I belong
“Why’d the chicken cross the road?” is an interesting and thought provoking riddle. Ever wonder how our politicians and politically connected people in Hillsborough would answer it?
Here’s a sampling of what I think the movers and shakers in Hillsborough might say if we were to ask them:
Commissioner Kevin White, “Wow, those are mighty fine breasts on that chicken, and I like those thighs, too…I wonder if she has a resume?”
Commissioner Mark Sharpe, “That’s a good question…I’ll bet that chicken was wishing there was a light rail station on the other side for her grandchickens.
Commissioner Rose Ferlita, “she must have been on her way to the polls…can chickens vote for mayor?
Chronically unemployed ex-Commissioner Brian Blair, “It’s simple – If you live in a house you should thank a developer, and if you eat breakfast, you should thank a chicken”.
Term-limited (thank God) Commissioner Jim Norman, “That chicken may have given 100 dozen eggs to my wife, and yes I have been eating eggs each morning for breakfast, and yes I do rearrange the eggs in crates as we use them, but I don’t ever ask my wife how we got those eggs”.
Commissioner Kevin Beckner, “Chickens sometimes cross the road but it’s not a matter of choice, it’s genetic”.
Commissioner Ken Hagan, “Chickens and I are sympatico…they don’t speak much either”.
County Attorney Renee Lee, “Fear not, if the board wants that chicken on the other side of the road, I will find a way to make it legal”.
Ex-County Administrator Pat Bean, “Look, I don’t care what anybody says, that chicken should get a raise…at least 1%…crossing the road is above and beyond what we normally expect chickens to do”.
Hillsborough Planning Commission Executive Director Bob Hunter, “That chicken crossed the road about 10 years too soon. We were planning to put Section Egg housing on that side of the road in 2020”.
Tampa Bay Partnership CEO, Stuart Rogel, “Every time a chicken crosses the road, it stimulates economic development…how is that possible, you say?…well, that chicken leaves droppings in the middle of the road that get splattered on cars, as well as, get embedded in the tire tread of passing cars and trucks, then those cars and trucks need new paint jobs and new tires…in addition, sometimes those chickens crossing the road create accidents which require emergency personnel, tow operators, auto-body collision work, ambulance-chasing lawyers, insurance adjusters, auto rentals, medical care, hospital stays…and that, my friend, is real economic development!!! We need to provide incentives to attract more chickens to Hillsborough County”.
This article appears in Nov 4-10, 2010.
