Ninja Burgerhttp://www.ninjaburger.com
Tired of the same old takeout? Neighbors threatening your borders? Then Ninja Burger is for you. All high quality foods are delivered in less than 30 minutes or they commit seppuku! Trained ninja will sneak into your home and leave tasty morsels for your dining pleasure. Don't worry about leaving a door unlocked — these are ninjas; they can handle that kind of stuff. Plus you really have to try the Fries of our Ancestors; why they didn't get Best of the Bay is beyond my mortal comprehension. Order online for you and your friends, and it's delivered. Sure, the $99.95 delivery fee is a bit pricey but that's nothing compared to the satisfaction having a hot, delicious meal surreptitiously delivered to wherever you are (no need to tell them … they already know). Ninja Burger is hiring too! How cool would that be — to train in the ancient art of Ninjitsu and the frightening Two-Spatula Style of combat (my own Monkey Kung Fu pales in comparison). With full medical and matching 401K, it's a sweet benefits plan. Of course, there's that whole "die in shame if discovered during a delivery" thing, but you get a nifty sword! Learn more of the company history by reading the comic and sharing in the exploits of some of fast foods greatest warriors. For more interactive fun, click on Ninja games where you can hone your delivery skills or create a turf war against the evil Samurai Burger. You can even get your own ninja name or check out some ninja haikus and stories. As a bonus for the ladies interested in dating a ninja, be sure to read the Ninja Dating Tips. These will be monumentally useful in keeping a safe, secretive and ultimately ending-in-ritual-bloodshed kind of relationship.
This article appears in Nov 15-21, 2001.
