I know, I know. “Don’t mix business with friendship.” Well, I did just that. I hired two friends to do a job for me, and I’m very disappointed by the end result. It was an expensive mistake. I don’t think they delivered, and if it was anyone else, I would let them know and not hire them again. But I don’t want to sink this friendship. How should I navigate this?—Friendly fire(d)
Cards: Knight of Swords (reversed), Four of Swords, Ace of Pentacles, Five of Wands (reversed)
Dear Friendly,
Bad business has sunk many a relationship, be they romantic, familial, friendly, or diplomatic. I’m sorry you’re on both the receiving end of a service/product that didn’t deliver, and I’m sorry that you have to walk this high wire.
The cards, interestingly enough, can be read two ways. The Knight of Swords is honest and bold. The Four of Swords can be about removing the ego, while the Five of Wands is about conflict and war, and the Ace of Pentacles is about steadfast work. You can be honest and bold about your disappointment. You can leave your personal feelings—the ego—at the door and treat this just as a business decision. It will, of course, end with some hostility and fighting. That path will most likely sour the relationship if it doesn’t sink it completely.
However, the cards are nuanced and do offer a second path that isn’t so blunt. The Court of Swords is clever. While the honest Knight moves fast and lives boldly, he does possess some of the analytical traits of the King. You can be tactful with your honesty and strategize with it.
The Four of Swords, too, is not only about the death of the ego but the awareness of limitations. It might not be that your friends did a purposeful lousy job. It just might have been a job beyond their ability.
Which brings us back to the Five of Wands. This can be a card of war, and telling your friends they fucked up and cost you a pretty penny would certainly ensure some hostility and rage. But, it can also be a card of working together to overcome that hostility and hardship. It might be that in order for your friends to do a good job, you need to be more involved: a captain rather than a customer.If you can frame it as you’re all on the same side, then I think you have a better chance of saving this friendship. No one likes to hear that they did a bad job; to hear it from a friend is twice as embarrassing. If you don’t want to hire them again (and don’t feel like you “have to”), frame it in a way that still gives them the benefit of the doubt. Again, they probably didn’t mean to do a subpar job but be honest that you’re looking for something different. And then schedule a time to hang out as soon as possible, so embarrassment and resentment don’t build and the friendship dies anyway from neglect.
Best of luck, my dear.
Dear Oracle,
I’ve got those Winter blues. Any advice for getting through damp and depressing January?—Winter bummerland
Cards: The Lovers (reversed), Knight of Wands, Three of Pentacles, Three of Wands
Dear Winter,
Recently, while on the phone with the receptionist at my therapist’s office, I asked if it was busy this time of the year. “Oh yeah,” she said. “We have, like, three times as many clients in January as we do in June.”
So, while my evergreen advice of “seek professional help from a licensed therapist” still stands, I realize you might have to wait for an appointment. So, this is the advice for the meantime.
It is important to remember that while malaise may feel dull or numbing, Depression is a sonofabitch that is trying to isolate you in order to kill you. Relationships are vital in fighting it off, which we can see here with The Lovers. The Knight of Wands, too, is a fiery figure, one who is active in getting what he wants and protective of those he loves. You have to protect yourself like you’re a precious thing, and you need to actively seek out your friends. Don’t just wait for a party or a concert. Invite people over to watch TV, go for an evening walk, or do something low-key that can easily fit into your schedule and energy level.
With the Three of Pentacles and Three of Wands together, I’m actually going to go with lesser-used interpretations of artistry and higher perspective (respectfully) and suggest some creativity as a cure. I don’t know if you currently have an art or are thinking of dabbling, but turning to an artistic pursuit at this time will be a great way to buoy yourself. You can even combine friendship and art and do something collaborative or host a “draw-jam” type of event where people come to do their lonesome art together. (Or a regular jam session if you’re a musician or a party where you play Oulipo games if you’re a writer.)
The point being, in this harsh month in these bleak times, you need a steady diet of love and art to feed the soul. That love can be romantic, friendly, or familial. That art can be solitary or collaborative, new or a deeper study. Hopefully, this, plus some talk therapy, can help you through the wintery days.
(Also, while not in the cards, I do staunchly believe January is the time for deeply spiced food, preferably jewel-toned in shade: anything with turmeric, cumin, chilis, or ginger, dotted with pomegranate seeds and pistachios. Eating things that are fiery and bright and comforting isn’t a cure-all, but it’s certainly better armor for the soul than a cold salad. Save that shit for June.)
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This article appears in Jan 18-24, 2024.