The greatest thing about Friday is this: It isn't Thursday. The greatest thing about Thursday? The news, of course:
Bob Buckhorn may be the only name on the ballot in the upcoming Tampa mayoral election, but he's got competition. Sulphur Springs's Jose Vazquez has registered as a write-in candidate, meaning that while he won't appear on the ballot, any vote cast for him will officially count. Historic and perennial write-ins Gumby, John Doe, Your Mom and Henry Rollins approve.
Governor Rick Scott gave rapper Pitbull an award for his contributions to the arts, which is kind of like someone giving Rick Scott an award for his contributions to democracy.
Home Shopping Network founder Lowell L. Paxson passed away last week. Rumor has it he was laid to rest in a limited-edition casket, made of wood from Esteban's guitars and inlaid with 250 stones of fine cubic zircon and FAUXpaz(tm), of which only 650 were made.
Future plans announced for Legoland Florida include a new section aimed at preteen girls, done up all in pink and named Heartlake City, because the wrong toys will totally make you a gay pervert and you should KNOW YOUR CHANNEL.
Duke University reneged on its plan to let its chapel tower be used for a Muslim call to prayer following public outcry (and, most likely, private threats against various endowments). Shockingly, newspapers nationwide opted not to run the only correct headline for this story, "Southern Whites Follow Script."
And finally, the Black Crowes, the band your older sibling listened to while he or she was learning to smoke pot and be cool about it, has broken up, according to guitarist/co-founder Rich Robinson. Before you ask, no, they hadn't really broken up before now, and yes, they will probably reunite when Robinson and brother/BC singer Chris forget just what it was they were being so stubborn about and remember that sweet, sweet financial solvency.
This article appears in Jan 15-21, 2015.