Anyway, leaving the country just because you don’t agree with who’s in power is kind of lame. It’s way cooler to power through and stand up for what you believe in, which will never be illegal.
You’d hate to have to quarantine your dog, anyway.
But there are steps that you can take now to make life easier, or more tolerable, after January 20, when the president-elect becomes (gasp) President Donald Trump.
Here are some serious (and a few not-so-serious) actions to consider as that day approaches.
If you’re a woman of childbearing age…
• Get a Well-Woman examination. Under the Affordable Care Act, all women are entitled to one comprehensive reproductive system exam per year, and your insurance company cannot make you cough up a copay. Since repealing Obamacare is probably the first thing Congress and Trump want to do, you might wanna get that exam done now.
• Stock up on the birth control. Yes, with the repeal of Obamacare, free access to slut pills (get used to them being called that under this administration) will go bye-bye, regardless of whether or not you take them because of s-e-x or for a legitimate health condition.
• Get your jaw wired shut and double the cardio to preserve employability. In Trump’s Amerika, you will be judged by your looks, and surely many potential employers would be inclined to hire a size 4 over a size 12, regardless of capability.
• Buy a rape whistle. Or a gun. Barely a day after the election, social media was filled with tales of inappropriate comments to all minority groups, including women. Like racists, homophobes, etc., misogynists will certainly be emboldened by Trump’s election, and will act like they’re entitled to your body parts because, in their eyes, you’re a lesser being. And besides, when a guy’s a disciple of The Donald, girls will “let you do anything.”
If you’re not 100 percent hetero…
• Get married. But only if you’re in a relationship that’s headed in that direction anyway, of course. Trump’s appointment of an ultra-conservative activist judge to the Supreme Court is imminent, and you’re damn skippy the first thing they’ll want to do is negate the previous Court’s ruling that marriage discrimination is unconstitutional, because ewww, unconventional sex is bad, even though there’s more ink in the Bible condemning divorce than same-sex relations…
• Reconsider joining the military if you have other options. See above, apply said argument to SCOTUS ruling on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Even if the law of the land doesn’t change, think of the potentially violent climate Trump/Pence would enable, and already has.
• Buy a rape whistle. Especially if you’re trans. Seriously, the people who claim to hate The Gays and their obviously conniving and nefarious Agenda the most are the ones most likely to creep on you.
If you’re a Muslim…
• Visit loved ones overseas. You know “total ban of Muslims” and all. Oh, wait, “extreme vetting.”
• Start reciting your fears-about-sharia-law-are-racist-bullshit speech now. Islamaphobes actually believe that the millions of Muslims in the U.S. are conspiring to take over local governments and impose sharia law. And in the current climate, GOP-dominated state legislatures are likely to pass so-called anti-sharia laws simply as a way to get their baseless fear of you and your family because you’re different on the books.
• Buy a rape whistle. Your alien-ness only makes them more aroused.
If you’re any other kind of brown/black…
• Lawyer up. Set aside a few hundred bucks in anticipation of the likelihood that you’ll be illegally detained.
• Hug your family and pets every day. This pertains both to those born in the country who could have an even bigger target on their backs now as well as those who are vulnerable to deportation.
If you love nature…
• Visit as many national parks as you can. To environmentalists, Trump’s list of potential picks for Secretary of the Interior is a total horror show. Best known among them? One Sarah Palin.
• Go to the beach more often. Remember in 2008, when Palin popularized the chant, “Drill, baby, drill”? Well, Trump has advocated for offshore drilling (oh, and fracking, too) during his campaign rallies. So, hit the beach and enjoy the view while you can.
This article appears in Nov 17-24, 2016.
