Coulliard started humming as he heated the pliers. Shaw recognized the tune; it was The Beatles' "Yesterday."
Suddenly, the Frenchman was at his throat.
"Think about yesterday," he said. "What made it important? What made it pivotal?"
Shaw didn't know, couldn't think. He was preoccupied with the present, and his impending lack of a future.
As if reading his mind, Coulliard smiled.
"Ah, you do not think it is important to you, right this second," he said. "But be sure, the present is only the atoll that pierces the ocean surface at low tide. It grows from the coral below — your present is entirely dependent upon what happened yesterday."
Three suspects robbed a jewelry store in International Plaza, causing panic, evacuations and what turned out to be false reports of gunfire. I'm really, really happy that we've progressed to the point at which needless panic is finally no longer limited to earshot.
On the "gay marriage in Florida approaches, whether fearful bigots like it or not" front, an "organization" not at all made up of fearful bigots, Florida Family Action, Inc., sued Orlando area county clerks, a judge and O-Town's mayor in an attempt to prevent Florida county clerks statewide from issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples next week. Listen, I'm not completely up on whether certain rulings by judges in certain counties apply to all counties, or just county employees in that county, or which circuit court holds sway over which county employees statewide; fortunately, I can mitigate my ignorance in this area with the simple knowledge that trying to keep other people from having the same things you have makes you an asshole.
The American Lung Association gives Hillsborough County an "F" in air quality — it's the only county in the state to get the lowest rating, largely due to its ground-hugging ozone, a relative rarity in the state. The EPA responded by reminding us that Tampa's air quality has been steadily improving, and then — I shit you not — considering lowering its own air-quality threshold to hook a brother city up.
Visit Tampa Bay says fall tourism in the area was up 70 percent, and that the influx is continuing into the winter thanks to low gas prices and mild weather. Some evil genius is gonna make a mint moving the Rays to Orlando as part of Disney's "plug the sieve" program to basically turn visitors to the Sunshine State upside down and shake them until all of the money has fallen out of their pockets.
A Kissimmee pastor tried to fire his church's maintenance man and ended up in a shootout with the dude. The dude was shot, but lived. Having embodied all of the most high-profile contradictions related to his faith, the pastor was immediately hired to write the screenplay for The Bible Part 2: The Convolutioning.
And finally, tonight Tampa Bay fans of Uber may get their first taste of the ride-sharing service's "surge pricing," which has seen the company jack rates up to 10 times their usual cost in other markets during special events or holidays — like, say New Year's Eve. Trust me: If you want to play Russian roulette on spending an overpriced ride with an edgy stranger whom you know has been subjected to only the leanest of background checks and may be violent, just do what you usually do — flag down a St. Pete taxi.
This article appears in Dec 25-31, 2014.