Happy Friday the 13th! Just don't have dope-fueled sex at camp. That is all.
A 30-year-old mentally ill Pasco man was killed by police after shooting another man he thought was hitting on his imaginary girlfriend. Yes, a man so unwell that he hallucinated people that weren't there was not just able to procure a firearm but, according to the story, "was stockpiling weapons and ammo." But it's worth it as long as the rest of us get to take our kids to the gun expo every few months like real Americans.
Residents of the Manatee County neighborhood of Ancient Oaks have been a little freaked out ever since somebody's giant pet python got loose and started showing up in yards and on folks' security cameras. Getting scared because there's a big nonvenomous constrictor in your neighborhood is basically admitting to yourself that you're a shitty pet owner — maybe don't leave little Couscous outside unattended for hours at a time. (Bonus: Was there ever a more Friday the 13th of October town name than Ancient Oaks?)
And finally, a 32-year-old man was arrested and charged with DUI after he allegedly took a break from moving to Miami to get loaded at a party at St. Pete Beach's Hotel Zamora, then crashed his U-Haul rental truck into the ceiling of the hotel's parking garage. That's a very special kind of lack of foresight right there. Dude could have avoided this by not doing just one of, like, 19 things.
This article appears in Oct 12-19, 2017.