Another week, another ugly Buccaneer win over a losing team. It's getting old and predictable. If this were a TV series, Fonzi would have jumped the shark. Nothing left but for Ritchie to grow a ridiculous mustache, go to the University of Wisconsin, marry Lori Beth and send the rest of the team to Joanie Loves Chachi during the playoffs. And wasn't that little girl from Poltergeist there too at the end? Man, did that show stick around too long, or what? And wasn't the last MASH just awful? Where the hell was I?
To sum up, the 5-8 Redskins had to bust two chip-shot field goals and an extra point in the closing seconds to lose to the Bucs by one point, some no-name tailback named Ryan Torain ran through our "Ol-ay!" defense for 172 yards, Raheem Morris mumbled his "stats are for losers" mantra at post-game, and another punk got arrested (LB Geno Hayes pictured right looking all badass) but coach pom-poms will still play him next week. Sound familiar?
Prediction? Bucs host 3-10 Detroit Sunday afternoon for a God-awful display of sloppy penalty-filled NFL-light beer that will go down like an Olde English 800 with a booger in it, Barrett Ruud will get trucked at least once by a player you've never heard of, the Bucs win ugly, nobody sees it, coach Morris declares his team "best in the Milky Way" and a player will get arrested at the Mons Venus for punching a stripper. Suck on that, Karnak.
Speaking of suck it, ex-Ray Carl Crawford has decided to thank the Tampa Bay community by signing a $142 million contract with the scum of the earth. He could have gone to a better fit with the Angels for a paltry $120 million, but how can you expect to feed your family with that kind of chicken scratch? Besides, Crawford was quoted as saying, "My heart is here in Boston." Thanks for making it easier to hate you, Carl. By the way, that tattoo on your neck looks like a sperm. I've wanted to say that for years. Piss off.
Quicker Hits: Introducing Will Muschamp (who?). Jimbo Fisher of Texas got tired of waiting for the old fart to scooch over and is now the latest coach that follows a legend at the University of Florida (Florida will play in the Outback Bowl against Penn State where Joe Paterno started coaching five years before Will was born. Makes you think, doesn't it? It doesn't? Well, screw you); Even the extra day of rest courtesy of the Metrodome collapse could not prevent Brett Favre's historic 297-game streak to snap due to injury (Favre's first start was in 1992 when Jenn Sterger was 8 years old. Makes you think, doesn't it? No? Oh, come on); Jets strength coach Sal Alosi was suspended for the remainder of the season for tripping Dolphin CB Nolan Carroll on the sideline (Hope you enjoyed the trip Sal, see ya next fall. Zing!); After losing a violent and frustrating battle with their arch-rival Eagles, Cowboy running back Tashard Choice was so pissed off and crushed that he marched right up to Michael Vick after the game and asked for an autograph for his 2-year-old nephew who apparently likes to torment the family dog. Hey-oh! Everybody sing! Like Mike...If I could be like Mike.
