OPENING THIS WEEK
AMERICAN TEEN (PG-13) Read Lance Goldenberg's review.
BOTTLE SHOCK (PG-13) Read Lance Goldenberg's review.
FLY ME TO THE MOON (G) Three talking houseflies hitch a ride on Apollo 11 in this first feature-length animation specifically designed for 3D. Getting to the good news first, the 3D effects are plentiful, cleverly imagined and often stunningly realistic, but technique will only get you so far. The animation itself is rather bland (beginning with the terminally cute and utterly forgettable insect heroes), and the story doesn't amount to much either. Outside of a few minutes devoted to the actual lunar landing, and a couple of minor acts of heroism on the flies' part, nothing much really happens here, and the trio of stowaway insects don't really do anything other than hang out in the rocket observing the astronauts from the sidelines, like, well, flies on the wall. The movie's 1969 setting prompts a smattering of classic rock on the soundtrack to keep grown-up viewers awake, but almost everything else about this trip to the moon, outside of that remarkable use of 3D, is strictly dullsville. Features the voices of Christopher Lloyd, Adrienne Barbeau, Ed Begley Jr., Tim Curry, Kelly Ripa, Nicollette Sheridan, Trevor Gagnon, David Gore and Philip Bolden. Opens Aug. 15 at local theaters. 2 stars
HENRY POOLE IS HERE (PG-13) Tell him to go away. Suffering from a generic terminal illness, the title character (Luke Wilson) buys a suburban house and settles in to die, but after his Catholic neighbor (Adriana Barraza) discovers a water stain on the house that vaguely suggests the face of Christ, pilgrims with candles start sneaking into his backyard. With numbing predictability, this contrived situation leads to a debate over the power of faith, and given that the other key characters are named Patience (Rachel Seiferth) and Dawn (Radha Mitchell), you can probably guess who wins. Mark Pellington directed a first script by Albert Torres; with George Lopez, Cheryl Hines and Richard Benjamin. Opens Aug. 15 at local theaters. 1 star —J.R. Jones
STAR WARS: CLONE WARS (PG-13) Adapted from the Cartoon Network series and buffed up for the big screen with 3-D CGI, this Star Wars animation takes place in between Episode II—Attack of the Clones and Episode III—Revenge of the Sith, with Jedi knight Anakin Skywalker trying to forestall an intergalactic incident by rescuing the kidnapped son of Jabba the Hutt. The trapezoid of scrolling type that used to open the movies has been replaced by voice-over, which probably says something about the deterioration of children's reading skills, and Hayden Christensen, who played Skywalker in the two earlier movies, has been replaced by ones and zeros, which is a big improvement. Without the grandiose narrative structure of the six live-action releases, this feels even more pointless, a mechanical attempt to milk the kids for every last dime. Dave Filoni directed. Opens Aug. 15 at local theaters. 1 star —J.R. Jones
TROPIC THUNDER (R) Ben Stiller writes, directs and stars in this uneven but often hilarious comedy about a group of pampered Hollywood actors who come under real-life fire in the jungle while making "the war movie to end all war movies." Robert Downey Jr. nearly steals the show while channeling Russell Crowe as a method actor with a major identity crisis (he's convinced he's African-American for most of the film); Jack Black is reliably Jack Black-ish as a drug-addled twit known for his Meet the Krumps-styled fart comedies, and Stiller plays a fading action star whose attempt at a career revival had him playing a mentally challenged boy who talks to horses ("never go full retard," is Downey's advice). The funniest bits occur during the opening sequences, but there's good stuff throughout as the movie hones the cartoonish excess of Zoolander through spot-on satires of Hollywood's machinery, from its moguls and superstars to its assorted satellite players. Tropic Thunder's plentiful cameos are also extremely entertaining (Steve Coogan, Bill Heder and Danny McBride are all a hoot, but best of all is Tom Cruise in a bald cap and fake chest hair). And don't miss the pre-show fake trailers, the best of their kind since Grindhouse. Also stars Matthew McConaughey, Brandon T. Jackson, Jay Baruchel and Brandon Soo Hoo. Opens Aug. 15 at local theaters. 3.5 stars
VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA (PG-13) Read Lance Goldenberg's review.
RECENT RELEASES
BRIDESHEAD REVISITED (PG-13) This version of Evelyn Waugh's saga of class and Catholicism may seem somewhat truncated to fans of the adored 1981 Masterpiece Theatre version, the one with Jeremy Irons and Anthony Andrews and umpteen episodes of gorgeously realized languor and guilt. But the mansion's the same (Castle Howard in Yorkshire, once again serving as the vast ancestral home of the Flyte family), and the performances convincing — although Ben Whishaw seems too neurasthenic by half as the family's alcoholic young scion Sebastian, even before he chases his addictions all the way to Morocco. The tyranny of faith seems if anything more conspicuous as a theme here, perhaps because Emma Thompson is so chillingly effective as the Flytes' devout, dominating matriarch. As Charles Ryder, the upwardly mobile Oxfordian who falls in love with Sebastian, his sister and their amazing real estate, Matthew Goode makes clear the subtle interplay of affection and ambition that informs his obsessions. OK, he's not Jeremy Irons, but he's, um, Goode. (And good to look at, too). 3 1/2 stars —David Warner
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN (PG) Over 1300 years have passed since the events of 2005's The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, but the more things change the more they stay the same. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian finds the titular kingdom once again under the thumb of evil despots and again in need of saving by our noble, still younger-than-springtime heroes (who are this time whisked away from grimy London to magical mystery land not via wardrobe but by the conduit of a Potter-esque train station). The sequel's look and feel is a bit darker than the original, with a vaguely Medieval ambience and an endless clanking of swords and solemn line readings that become tedious well before the movie's 144 minutes have elapsed. Character development is even more cursory than in the first film, with the main draw being a tapestry of unintentionally dopey-looking centaurs, minotaurs and talking animals (including a rodent rip-off of Shrek's swashbuckling kitty) that, mystical pretensions aside, belong in a Sid and Marty Krofft production. Sergio Castellitto makes an interesting villain and Peter Dinklage manages to maintain his dignity under a false nose and gnomish make-up, but there's not much else to brighten up the plodding here. When Tilda Swinton's evil witch briefly materializes towards the end — and then just as quickly vanishes — the movie's lack of life becomes all too apparent. Also stars Ben Barnes, William Moseley, Anna Popplewell, Georgie Henley, Skandar Keynes and Warwick Davis. 2.5 stars
THE DARK KNIGHT (PG-13) Good as it was, Batman Begins was just a warm-up for this latest installment in director Christopher Nolan's franchise, an adrenaline-charged action-thriller that is also a complex and luxuriously moody rumination on human nature, heroes and villains, and order vs. chaos. Christian Bale returns as the movie's iconic (albeit thoroughly human) hero, a man who thrives on the importance of symbols. But it's Heath Ledger who pushes the film into the cinematic stratosphere as The Joker. A deranged spook with Ratso Rizzo's phlegmatic snarl and splotchy make-up swiped from Bette Davis' Baby Jane, Ledger's Joker is a gestalt of the century's biggest bogeymen (think Osama by way of Dr. Lector), with the movie strongly suggesting a symbiotic relationship between his random sadism and the more orderly vigilantism of his caped and cowled nemesis. The director and his sibling co-writer, Jonathan Nolan, fill the film with intriguing and disturbing mirror images and parallels, while the interlocking storylines twist and turn with the aggressive intricacy of Nolan's earlier Memento even as The Dark Knight plows full steam ahead at a breathtaking clip. Fans may wish the movie were simply a little more, well, fun, and there truthfully isn't a whole lot of light at this end of this bat-tunnel — but it's hard to deny The Dark Knight. It's a remarkable achievement, succeeding equally as sophisticated, artful drama, as whiz-bang entertainment and as bona fide pop-culture phenomenon. Hottest ticket of the summer, hands down, and one of the very best films of the year. Also stars Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman and Morgan Freeman. 4.5 stars
GET SMART (PG-13) True to the spirit of the 1960s TV series without parroting or postmodernizing it to death, the big-screen Get Smart gets by on goofy charm, a higher-than-average percentage of jokes that hit their target and a winning comedic performance by Steve Carell. Carell steps neatly into Don Adams' shoes (and inherits his trademark shoe phone) as Maxwell Smart, aka Agent 86, a likeable but somewhat delusional bumbler who's convinced he's the greatest secret agent since that Bond guy. 2008's Get Smart humanizes Smart by having Carell's character start out as an underappreciated intelligence analyst who's frustrated at being a middle-aged "invisible man" and who only gets to realize his dream of becoming an agent when all the other spies are conveniently compromised. Once Max gets his groove on, though, the movie doesn't look back, whisking around Russia and other exotic ports of call rooting out enemy agents and foiling assassination attempts in a plot that's short on logic but long on breezy energy. Meanwhile the gags fly thick and fast, as the movie liberally spices up its action with some choice bits that allow Carell to shine, mostly slapstick-ish routines involving the comedian falling out of airplanes, imitating an idiot and repeatedly shooting himself in the face with a mini-harpoon. The rest of the cast is pretty solid as well, from Anne Hathaway (channeling a Shrimpton sister via smashing '60s fashions and foot-long lashes) to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's pitch-perfect parody of a slick super-spy to the elegantly villainous Terrence Stamp. Look close and you may even find Bill Murray in there, lurking within some innocuous clump of flotsam and jetsam. Also stars Alan Arkin. Terry Crews, David Koechner and James Caan. 3.5 stars
HANCOCK (PG-13) Will Smith stars as a surly, alcoholic superhero in Hancock, and sad to say, that concept is all there is to this glum Hollywood product. Devoid of a compelling story, Hancock relies instead on Smith's star power, gimmicky direction and the de rigueur assemblage of CGI effects typical of would-be summer blockbusters. As the titular hero, Smith has a penchant for drinking excessive amounts of whiskey and causing millions of dollars' worth of destruction during his rescues and crime-stopping endeavors. Even at its best, Hancock doesn't reinvent the superhero genre's template so much as invert it, to mild comic effect, and it never makes satisfactory use of the issues it raises, namely fate, responsibility and duty to one's fellow man. While Hancock the hero embraces his potential, Hancock the film squanders it away. Also stars Jason Bateman, Charlize Theron and Eddie Marsan. 2 stars —Anthony Salveggi
HELLBOY 2: THE GOLDEN ARMY (PG-13) One of the odder Hollywood blockbusters around, and I use the word "odder" with great affection, Hellboy 2: The Golden Army is that rarest of big-budget popcorn movies — a sequel that ups the ante of the original, taking chances so bizarre as to put the franchise at risk. The action sometimes even takes a backseat to the movie's fundamental quirkiness this time out, and though there's a little too much rambling going on to generate a fully cohesive story, the sheer outpouring of imagination is almost too much of a good thing. Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth) directs this sequel to his phantasmagorical 2004 blowout, dazzling us with a full-to-bursting sense of the fantastic that's gleefully tongue-in-cheek (think Men in Black meets the cantina scene from Star Wars) but never less than sincere, conjuring an eye-popping world of elves, ogres, kitty-gobbling trolls and tooth fairies for the movie's cigar-chomping demon-hero (Ron Perlman) to contend with. Nobody makes the grotesque as appealing as del Toro, whose big message seems to be that we need our monsters — a point eloquently demonstrated by the movie's supernatural villain (Luke Goss) railing against humankind for failing to understand that the world would be a poorer place without its creatures of the night. Things tend to get a little silly from time to time — a lovesick Hellboy drinking beer in the shower is one thing, but seeing the big red guy get sloppy crooning "Can't Smile Without You" is pushing it. But Hellboy 2 is good enough to withstand even Barry Manilow. Also stars Selma Blair, Doug Jones, Jeffrey Tambor, Anna Walton and John Hurt. 3.5 stars
HELL RIDE (R) Fueling persistent rumors of his well running dry, Quentin Tarantino has now taken to actively promoting his own crappy imitators. Hell Ride, on which QT serves as executive producer, is the brain-dead child of Larry Bishop (son of rat-packer Joey Bishop), a bit player from drive-in exploitation classics like Hell's Angels Unchained and The Savage Seven — movies that Hell Ride recycles with unchecked abandon and a half-assed pomo wink. The movie is entirely dedicated to the "three B's — bikes, beers and booty" and employs Michael Madsen and a gaggle of other Tarantino-approved actors to swagger around as members of rival gangs who kill each other at various points for no particular reason. In lieu of a coherent story or a new idea, Bishop (who wrote, directed and stars in this mess) loads the movie with would-be iconic close-ups of choppers, guns and breast implants, throws in plenty of freeze-frames and other lazy indications of retro-hip style and sets it all against a nonstop faux-Morricone spaghetti western score. The movie is simply one tired pop culture riff after another, with absolutely awful dialogue that slavishly apes Tarantino at his most pretentious and cringe-worthy performances that begin with Bishop's own (even Dennis Hopper is a little embarrassing here). Hell Ride is too clueless to know (or care) if it's paying homage or deconstructing the glory days of biker flicks, but the really irritating thing is how the movie fairly drips with irony without having much of a sense of humor. Also stars Vinnie Jones, Eric Balfour, David Carradine, Cassandra Hepburn and Julia Jones. 1.5 stars
THE INCREDIBLE HULK (PG-13) The Hulk, for those who may be unfamiliar with Marvel Comics' green-skinned man's man, is rage personified — a towering, pea-brained inferno who bubbles up from the depths of mild-mannered Bruce Banner (Edward Norton) whenever BB gets agitated — and The Incredible Hulk's most salient feature may just be the heaps of unfiltered aggression it offers audiences like holy communion. Gone are the moody convolutions and Oedipal mumbo jumbo of Ang Lee's poorly received 2003 Hulk, and in its place we have nearly two hours of pure id, complete with CGI effects that turn the Hulk into a steroid casualty resembling nothing so much as a big, green penis. This isn't exactly one of the more sophisticated narratives you'll encounter this season, but the sound and fury can be seductive. Hulk might essentially be a combination of unchecked hormones and unlimited strength that speaks directly to adolescent boys, but by the end of the movie, he's oozing a raw power that even the Sex and the City girls might find attractive. Also stars Liv Tyler, Tim Roth, Tim Blake Nelson, William Hurt, Ty Burrell and Christina Cabot. 3 stars
INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL (PG-13) A surprisingly satisfying return to form, the new Indiana Jones movie is an old-fashioned adventure so expertly crafted and consistently entertaining we barely have a moment to consider the empty calories. Set in 1957, exactly 19 years after the last installment took place, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull gives us a naturally aged Indy, wrinkled and graying but still iconic under that familiar fedora, much as an aging Humphrey Bogart (circa The African Queen) might have played him. The movie barrels along, delivering one super-charged set piece after another, sequences all the more remarkable for largely avoiding CGI and relying on proudly old-school building blocks like skillful, intricately orchestrated stunts and a well-placed camera. It's a perpetual motion machine as impressive as something like Speed Racer, but infinitely closer to the natural charms of Buster Keaton or Jackie Chan than to the vacuum-packed, post-Matrix shenanigans of the Wachowski Brothers. What computerized trickery is here is generally so seamlessly integrated into the action that we barely notice it, the one notable exception being the movie's finale, a lazily conceptualized mish-mash of digital explosions, big-eyed aliens and other elements rehashed from earlier Spielberg productions. It's an unbecoming send-off for a movie that for the most part manages to remain faithful to a formula while revitalizing itself through sheer energy and imagination. Also stars Cate Blanchette, Shia LaBeouf, Karen Allen, Ray Winstone and John Hurt. 3.5 stars
IRON MAN (PG-13) Even if every aspiring blockbuster released over the next few months turns out to be a massive dud, the summer of '08 will be fondly remembered for Iron Man, a credit to popcorn movies everywhere. Marvel Comics' metal-suited superhero is shepherded to the big screen by director Jon Favreau (Elf, Made) and co-writers Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby (Children of Men), a talented team that supplies a surprisingly smart story that moves briskly while beautifully balancing humor and darker moments. There's also a super cast including Gwyneth Paltrow as pitch-perfect girl Friday Pepper Potts and Jeff Bridges as a towering weapons magnate with Daddy Warbuck's cue-ball head — but this is ultimately Robert Downey Jr.'s show, who invests the role of Iron Man's alter ego, playboy wunderkind Tony Stark, with enough charm, pathos and irreverent edge to keep us glued to the screen. Although not as visually poetic as the superhero movies of Bryan Singer (X-Men, Superman Returns) or as existentially engrossing as the darker-than-dark Batman Begins, Iron Man is the real deal — a first-rate comic-book flick as suitable for grown-ups as it is for kids. Also stars Terrence Howard, Shaun Toub and Hilary Swank. 3.5 stars
JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH (PG-13) State-of-the-art special effects will almost certainly be the real stars of this big-screen version of Jules Verne tale of a scientist discovering marvels, terrors and a fabulous lost city deep within the bowels of the earth. The movie will play at select theaters in a 3-D version, which is probably the ideal way to see this. Stars Brendan Fraser, Josh Hutcherson and Anita Briem. (Not Reviewed)
KIT KITTREDGE: AN AMERICAN GIRL (G) This first feature film inspired by the mighty American Doll franchise turns out to be a surprisingly classy and, dare I say it, literate production. Things get a little dry here and there, but this handsome, wholesome period piece compensates with just enough kid-friendly gestures to keep even the youngest viewers interested. The movie is set during The Great Depression (the last one, in case you were wondering), and stars Little Miss Sunshine's Abigail Breslin as a plucky, resourceful 10-year-old whose upper-middle-class family finds itself reduced to taking in boarders to make ends meet. At root, of course, this is just a light family entertainment (culminating in a Nancy Drew mystery, complete with dastardly crooks and buried treasure), but the movie doesn't shy away from troubling topics like kids coping with vanishing social status or fathers deserting families they can no longer support, underscoring the fragility of prosperity (now a timelier notion than ever) while fleshing out its occasionally poignant essaying of life in the 1930s. Even with its misbehaving monkey, a gaggle of wacky characters and a climactic, slapstick-heavy chase through the woods, Kit Kittredge is a movie for children who like to think, even if they won't admit it. Also stars Julia Ormond, Chris O'Donnell, Jane Krakowski, Joan Cusack, Stanley Tucci, Zach Mills, Wallace Shawn, Glenne Headly and Willow Smith. 3.5 stars
KUNG FU PANDA (PG) Kung Fu Panda doesn't offer much more than a reasonably pleasant but surprisingly savvy stew of talking animals engaged in grand quests, and Joseph Campbell's theory of the Hero's Journey isn't the only mythos to be reckoned with here. George Lucas' shadow likewise looms large, with Jack Black's fuzzy, flabby hero, Po, inexplicably chosen for his world-shaking mission and trained by a wise, Yoda-like master (a pint-sized mouse voiced by Dustin Hoffman), while a promising Jedi leopard (Ian McShane) slinks over to the dark side to become the movie's monumental Darth Vader figure. Fleshing out the story's bare bones is a goodly amount of slapstick, some fairly clever one-liners, several lavishly choreographed, martial-arts-based action sequences and an eye-catching animation style that owes as much to ancient Asian scroll paintings as it does to the classic Shaw Brothers films of the '60s and '70s. There's a little something for almost everyone here, but kung fu fanboys will take particular delight in touches like the legendary schools of martial arts made literal via Po's anthropomorphic sidekicks — a snake, crane, mantis, monkey and tiger (the last two given voice by Jackie Chan and Angelina Jolie). Also features the voices of Seth Rogan and Lucy Liu. 3.5 stars
THE LAST MISTRESS (R) Although it's ostensibly a period piece, filled with sumptuous costumes and all the other trappings of early 19th-century Parisian aristocracy, Catherine Breillat's The Last Mistress is as aggressively modern as the director's taboo-breaking Fat Girl and Anatomy of Hell. As in all of Breillat's films, The Last Mistress plays sex as comedy, as horror show and power struggle, and though the film is set in 1835, the venom in its dangerous liaisons is as timeless as it is unsettling. Breillat's co-conspirator here is the equally provocative Asia Argento, who stars as Vellini, a woman of such powerful and unpredictable appetites the movie makes her seem like some big, bad force of nature. Vellini's volatile, 10-year relationship with the philandering Ryno de Marigny (Fu-ad Ait Aattou) has ended as the film opens, and the bulk of The Last Mistress is given over to Marigny's memories of their obsessive, abusive, perverse and wildly romantic affair. In many ways this is Argento's show, who revels in all the smoldering, screaming and eye-rolling, at one point memorably straddling her naked lover while her toddler's corpse burns in the background. Breillat lays it all out in surprisingly straightforward fashion, but the movie's defiantly lurid sensibility is just in time for summer, an elegantly appointed Marie Antoinette lost in its own 9 1/2 Weeks. Also stars Rozane Mesquida, Claude Sarraute, Yolande Moreau and Anne Parillaud. Playing at Burns Court in Sarasota. 3.5 stars
MAMMA MIA! (PG-13) Based on the Broadway musical so beloved by aging boomers and their familiars, Mamma Mia! relies on the hits of '70s uber-group Abba to tell the story of a young bride-to-be (Amanda Seyfried) trying to discover which of her mother's three ex-lovers is her real father. Meryl Streep is a hoot as the bride's bohemian mother (a self-described ex-slut), again demonstrating her remarkable versatility by singing, dancing, doing light comedy and occasionally emoting, all with considerable panache — but the rest of the movie is a mixed bag, at best. Mamma Mia! doesn't pretend to be anything other than fluff, but even on those terms it's sometimes tough to take, with performances that practically shriek with campy desperation (prime offenders being Christine Baranski and Julie Walters as Streep's gal pals), and singing that ranges from the passable (Colin Firth's thin and reedy balladeering) to the flat-out embarrassing (Pierce Brosnan's rendition of "S.O.S." is sheer torture). It all takes place on an impossibly picturesque Greek island, so there's plenty of gorgeous scenery to gawk at, but the colorful locale is a lazy substitute for the original stage show's inventive stylization, and the naturalistic setting ultimately just doesn't feel right. On the other hand, the Abba music is just as ridiculously catchy as you want it to be (who can resist "Dancing Queen?"), even as rendered by often inept pipes, and the film manages to espouse both hippie free-love and the sort of classic romanticism that requires one of the male leads to get down on one knee and propose to someone by movie's end. And let's not forget the Greek Chorus (composed of actual Greeks) who burst out cackling when someone complains of a "cruel act of fate." Also stars Stellan Skarsgard, Nancy Baldwin, Rachel McDowall and Enzo Squillino Jr. 2.5 stars
MEET DAVE (PG) Eddie Murphy once again takes on multiple roles, this time playing a gaggle of tiny extraterrestrials living inside an anthropomorphic spaceship that looks just like, well, Eddie Murphy, and that falls in the anthropomorphic spaceship equivalent of love with a smokin' hot earthling. Let the fart jokes commence. Also stars Elizabeth Banks, Austyn Lind Myers, Gabrielle Union and Scott Caan. (Not Reviewed)
MONGOL (R) Mongol, the Academy Award-nominated epic about Genghis Khan, hinges on its revisionist notion of an enlightened Temudjin, who was dubbed with the title "Genghis Khan" after his death. Throughout the film, Temudjin comes across not as a bloodthirsty superwarrior but a reasonably sensitive guy whose military success derives from the love of a good woman and belief in the rule of law. TheKazakhstani production works as a kind of trans-Asian melting pot, featuring a Russian director, a Japanese leading man and actors ranging from Chinese movie stars to Kazakh nonprofessionals. Director Sergei Bodrov displays impressive powers of crowd control and widescreen composition, offering a period piece with the visual sweep and panoramic battles they don't make any more without extensive CGI enhancement. Mongol clearly oversimplifies vast swaths of Temudjin's life story but still provides rousing entertainment that makes Hollywood's action blockbusters look meek by comparison.The film lacks the nuanced vision of history and character that you find in David Lean's similarly sprawling Lawrence of Arabia or Kurosawa's masterpieces on feudal Japan, but Mongol feels more authentic than the likes of, say, Mel Gibson's Braveheart.StarsTadanobu Asano,Odnyam Odsuren, Khulan Chuluun,Ba Sen,Amadu Mamadakov andHonglei Sun. 4 stars —Curt Holman
THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (PG-13) Round three of this Indiana Jones-lite franchise has intrepid explorers Rick and Evelyn O'Connell (Brendan Fraser and Maria Bello) taking on that proverbial "one final mission" and winding up in China, where the pair mix it up with all manner of supernatural critters. With its emphasis on bombastic CGI sequences over anything resembling a story, this third Mummy installment is so unabashedly mindless the only possible way to remotely enjoy oneself is to go into it without even so-so expectations. The action sequences are cheesy but plentiful, although the lapses into silliness are sometimes as trying as they are unintentional (a pack of Yetis show up at one point like a cavalry of anthropomorphic pussycats). Even more problematic, Jet Li and Michele Yeoh, two of the Chinese cinema's greatest stars, are completely wasted here; and then there's that lame father-son dynamic supplied by the oafish and charisma-challenged Luke Ford, who plays Fraser and Bello's grown-up son (although he looks more like their brother). What else would you expect from a mummy movie whose titular creature isn't even a mummy? He's some sort of terra cotta statue thingie, for those picking nits, but I suppose The Terra Cotta Statue Thingie Formerly Known as The Mummy just wasn't a catchy enough title. Also stars John Hannah. 2 stars
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (R) Strange bedfellows of the year: David Gordon Green, one of the most uniquely understated voices of independent cinema (George Washington, All the Real Girls) teams up here with Judd Apatow, a producer whose hit comedies rely on vomit and feces in much the same way that Jerry Bruckheimer depends upon explosions. The result — a comedy/action flick about a couple of potheads on the run from killers — is a weirdly competent move to the mainstream, with the indie auteur casting aside artistic pretensions and embracing a blandly self-effacing style that Andy Warhol might have blessed. The rigorously no-frills approach puts the movie's nuts and bolts front and center, from James Franco's fabulous turn as Seth Rogen's mush-brained pal (hands-down best comic performance by an overly serious method-actor since Sean Penn in Fast Times at Ridgemont High), to the gleefully crude humor, mostly revolving around typical Apatow fixations like errant bodily fluids and faces shoved into boxes of cat turds. The movie's basic premise is that everything is funnier when high, and Pineapple Express essentially filters the conventions of buddy movies and action flicks through a stoner sensibility, so even when we get a slow-mo shoot-out à la Bruckheimer, it's with one of the characters screaming, "Prepare to suck the cock of karma!" The story arc of Pineapple Express isn't ultimately all that different from the movies it's supposedly spoofing — Rogen and Franco eventually realize they're "not very functional when we're high" and then hit bottom before emerging victorious — but the unflagging energy of the movie's one-damn-thing-after-another scenario is pure Apatow, screwball comedy for a toilet-humor era. Also stars Danny McBride, Gary Cole, Rosie Perez, Kevin Corrigan, Nora Dunn and Ed Begley Jr. 3 stars
SEX AND THE CITY: THE MOVIE (R) Romantic relationships are fleeting but a designer handbag is forever in Sex and the City: The Movie, nearly two hours of product placement disguised as a feature film. Although basically just a criminally bloated chick flick, the big-screen Sex often feels more like a slightly revamped sitcom from decades past, with its four gal pals coming off as if Mary and Rhoda had cloned themselves, consumed a steady diet of Danielle Steele, scrounged up the cash for better wardrobes, and spent more of their time talking about, and occasionally having, sex. Writer-director Michael Patrick King dutifully trots out a stream of minor infidelities, misunderstandings, bedroom problems, commitment issues and the like, but the threadbare plot is essentially driven by the three S's — shoes, shopping and sex (or, more specifically, the idea of sex, since there's surprisingly scant shtupping in this rather tame project, save for a horny little dog who shows up to hump a pillow or a pile of laundry whenever the movie requires a laugh). Those who thrill to spotting fabulous designer items by Prada, Gucci and Chanel will be in heaven here. Those of us less enamored of montages of dresses, jewelry and stiletto heels will discover a brand of fashion porn every bit as dubious as the so-called torture porn dished out by some movies these days. Fans of the series probably won't be much dismayed by the lack of depth — think of it as Transformers transformed as a chick flick — but the rest of us will find so little of interest that it's hard not to start fixating on how the little wart on Sarah Jessica Parker's chin seems to change size from scene to scene. Stars Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Chris Noth and Jennifer Hudson. 2 stars
SPACE CHIMPS (G) An uninspired and only sporadically entertaining kid flick about a trio of simian astronauts who wind up saving a distant planet from a cruel tyrant. The main monkey is voiced by Saturday Night Live's Andy Samberg, whose clueless but cocksure TV persona not only survives intact but actually seems to work better in the form of a chimp. One of the other monkeys is voiced by Patrick Warburton, the most recognizable and overused voice in animated features since Robin Williams. This is one strictly for younger children, but even little kids may be put off by the flat animation style and supposedly cute chimps that unintentionally wind up looking a little creepy. Also features Cheryl Hines and Jeff Daniels. 1.5 stars
SPEED RACER (PG) With little to it other than pure, frenetic energy and an ultra-groovy design sense, Speed Racer is pitched somewhere between a manga comic book and a neon Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas acid trip amplified to the point of no return. Moviegoers raised on a steady diet of videogames will likely revel in the head-spinningness of it all; other (possibly older) viewers may find themselves yearning to be submerged in the nearest sensory deprivation tank. Constantly in motion and way beyond candy-colored, The Wachowski Brothers' new movie seems positively irradiated, like one of those trendy nitrogen oxygen cocktails pumping through the digestive track of some phosphorescent deep-sea creature. Speed Racer spews out a stream of splashy visuals, careens forward at a breathless clip and provides a certain modicum of fun, but it's impossible to enter into this proudly two-dimensional story in any meaningful way. Even the action scenes — primarily a series of races in which fancy cars endlessly flip around tracks twisted as if inside a worm hole (probably situated inside The Matrix, or maybe Tron) — are so flat they fail to drum up much excitement. And with no real sense of danger and no gravity (literally), the Wachowskis' pop opus begins to look a little like Shark Boy and Lava Girl with delusions of grandeur. Stars Emile Hirsch, Christina Ricci, John Goodman, Susan Sarandon and Matthew Fox. 3 stars
STEP BROTHERS (R) The Judd Apatow movie machine keeps churning 'em out, cranking up the raunch one more notch with Step Brothers, a comedy of bad manners reuniting the Talladega Nights team of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. Ferrell stars as a middle-aged arrested adolescent who still lives at home with his mom (Mary Steenburgen), while Reilly plays an equally infantile 40-year-old who sponges off his despairing dad (Richard Jenkins). When Steenburgen's and Jenkins' characters fall in love and move in together, their petulant, jobless and thoroughly moronic "children" are forced to share a room, setting the stage for a gleefully low-concept Brady Bunch scenario pared to its dysfunctional essence and tweaked for maximum outrageousness. Ferrell and Reilly initially and elaborately butt heads, with the movie's first (and funniest) half hour filled with absurdly juvenile confrontations and ridiculous pranks. Things become considerably more subdued and predictable as the characters bond during the movie's extended middle, with Step Brothers again picking up a bit of steam towards the end when Ferrell and Reilly briefly renew hostilities before the final, inevitable group hug. Only the first 30 minutes of Step Brothers really delivers the goods, but there are enough funny or provocative bits sprinkled throughout to keep us amused, and the oddball chemistry between Ferrell and Reilly, both of whom do a lot of improvising here, is consistently enjoyable. Also stars Adam Scott and Kathryn Hahn. 3 stars
SWING VOTE (PG-13) Just in time for election year, Swing Vote stars Kevin Costner as an aging slacker who, through a series of bizarre twists of fate, discovers that the election of the next president of the United States hinges on one solitary vote, which just happens to be his. Madeline Carroll costars as the adorable little girl who sets the whole mess in motion, and Kelsey Grammer and Willie Nelson show up, the former as the sitting U.S. President and the latter as himself. Also stars Paula Patton, Dennis Hopper, Nathan Lane and Stanley Tucci. (Not Reviewed)
THE WACKNESS (R) An audience favorite at the Sundance Film Festival, The Wackness is an unremarkable coming-of-ager charting the course of one Luke Shapiro (Josh Peck), an aimless Manhattan kid who can't seem to get laid despite being reasonably attractive and the resident drug dealer at his Upper East Side private school. Unloved and unpopular, Luke descends into depression and seeks the council of an eccentric, substance-abusing shrink (Ben Kingsley, chewing the carpet like nobody's business), whom he pays in dime bags while lusting after the good doctor's smokin' hot stepdaughter (Olivia Thirlby). The movie follows its young hero through the long, hot summer of '94 (a time delineated by constant Giuliani references), as Luke mopes, deals, lusts after his dream girl and watches his parents financially falter and endlessly bicker. Pretty much all the couples here are squabbling self-medicaters — most notably Kingsley's shrink and his icy, emotionally desensitized wife (Famke Janssen) — and the rampant dysfunction, wall-to-wall broken families, and one-note moroseness all but confirm some of the most negative stereotypes of what constitutes a "Sundance film" these days. Also stars Mary-Kate Olsen, Jane Adams and Method Man. 2 stars
WALL-E (G) The animation whiz-kids at Pixar are no strangers to wringing emotion from talking toys, endearingly anthropomorphic fish and other decidedly non-human creations. But some of the most poignant moments ever found in a Pixar film occur in the first half of WALL-E, a nearly wordless journey through a decimated future where humans are conspicuous by their absence, and by the mess they've left behind. Those first 45 minutes alone make WALL-E arguably the first genuinely post-apocalyptic kid flick and also Pixar's masterpiece, a pitch-perfect blend of epic sci-fi and comedy pantomime recalling the glory days of silent cinema. The titular hero — a rickety robot who might be Chaplin's Little Tramp reincarnated as R2D2 — spends his solitary days cleaning up the mountains of trash left by vanished humankind, an endless routine that's finally shattered when our hero falls for a visiting fem-bot and follows her back to the mothership, where more than a few surprises await. The smoothly digestible freneticism of WALL-E's last act is a bit of a let-down after the near-minimalist poetry of the unconventional opening passages (scenes of WALL-E silently trying to make sense of our cultural bric-a-brac are particularly eloquent), but the amazingly human (and humane) robot-to-robot romance here is one for the ages, and the movie almost always gives us something wonderful to gawk at while serving up nods to everything from Silent Running and A.I. to Jacques Tati, 2001 and beyond. And don't miss the short film that precedes the main attraction, another concentrated dose of Pixar's slapstick brilliance that, with nary a word, sets the stage nicely for WALL-E, one of the best films of the year. Features the voices of Ben Burtt, Jeff Garland, John Ratzenberger, Sigourney Weaver and Fred Willard. 4.5 stars
WANTED (R) A killer movie, literally. Timur Bekmambetov, director of the Russian fantasies Night Watch and Day Watch, hits the Hollywood big time with this gleefully over-the-top action extravaganza about a downtrodden office drone (James McAvoy) who finds himself inducted into a secret society of super-assassins. Bekmambetov is as giddy as the proverbial kid in a candy store here, reveling in the tricks of his trade and coming up with a few new ones, and his stylishly hyperkinetic take on the old ultra-violence is frequently a hoot. The movie occasionally takes its own ludicrous plot a little too seriously, but the basic attitude here is appropriately tongue-in-check, with a wicked sense of humor not far removed from the splatter yuks of Shoot 'Em Up. Whether it's following the path of a bullet as it rips through a human head or refining the classic Matrix trick of squeezing time back and forth like an accordion, Wanted's go-for-broke energy feels like it wants to make every shot count, and that's pretty exciting. Also stars Morgan Freeman and Angelina Jolie. 3.5 stars
THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (PG-13) Six Years after their long-running TV show limped off into the sunset, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are back as paranormal investigators Mulder and Scully — but there's barely a trace here of the series' overarching mythology or of its seemingly endless supply of extraterrestrials and supernatural entities. The monsters in this second big screen X-Files project are of decidedly human origins, with our heroes (who continue to call each other by their last names despite now being a couple) so burdened by all manner of personal baggage that each and every minor convolution of plot is scrutinized to death through the ghosts of the past. Duchovny and Anderson often appear to be performing on tranquilizers, making it a bit tough to swallow their supposed inner turmoil — much is made of Mulder's obsessions being driven by his sister's long-ago disappearance, while the loss of Scully's child factors in a tedious sub-plot involving her attempts to save a terminally ill boy. The movie manages to drum up a psychic pedophile priest, a serial killer or two and some creepy organ harvesters — but despite the juicy possibilities, I Want to Believe too often feels lifeless and methodical, less like a big-screen adventure and more like a middling episode from the television show's later years. Also stars Amanda Peet, Billy Connolly and Xzibit. 2.5 stars
This article appears in Aug 13-19, 2008.