In the case of the first, Gay earned the undying gratitude of countless women when she pulled her own book (titled ironically enough, How to be Heard) from forthcoming publication with Simon & Schuster because they wanted to publish a manuscript from Milo Yiannopoulos (prior to his fall from grace he was all the rage over on Breitbart for being a misogynistic twat). When you consider how small the publishing world is and how desperate most authors are to stay in its good graces, that's a helluva bold move.* On the one hand, it's a clear demonstration that she has a thing or two to teach about being heard. As of yet however, the book hasn't found a new home.
As for publishing an exposé of herself? Gay reveals the deep dirty secrets we all carry, namely, the fear of betrayal by our very own bodies.
What's with the picture?
This book was heartbreaking and difficult to read. It should've come with a trigger warning, and frankly, I needed fortification to read it. I could see it dealt with body image, but I didn't think it would feel so relevant to me personally. I don't think of myself as someone with weight or sexuality issues. Gay reminds us it doesn't matter, “even more a travesty here, [is] that having this kind of story is utterly common.”
The central event of the book is a brutal gang rape that changed the course of Gay's life. It's not a spoiler; she made this known in her excellent collection of essays, Bad Feminist. But here it's dealt with specificity and unflinching candor. To give you an idea, Gay refuses to think of herself as a survivor, preferring instead to keep the blame where it belongs and declare herself a victim of rape. And sure, #notallmen. But #yesallwomen experience — at the least — the fear of physical and sexual abuse. But Gay would not be a victim again.
She writes that she made a calculated decision to bulk up so that she wouldn't be seen sexually, so that she couldn't be taken against her will, and because food was gratifying. She doesn't disclose her current weight, but says that at her heaviest, her 6’3” frame tipped the scales at 577 pounds.
The contortions that follow are hauntingly familiar. Of the diet industry she writes, "[t]hese commercials drive me crazy. They encourage self-loathing." Yet admits, "[s]ome part of me still yearns for the salvation they promise." Who has not craved easy deliverance?
In perhaps the boldest move of all, she tells us from the start there will be no redemption.
“I don't want to pretend I'm on some triumphant, uplifting journey. I don't want to pretend that everything is OK." And this may be why I couldn't let this book go: Her struggles are ongoing. All our struggles are ongoing, too. We don’t get over body image or sexuality issues, even if we've changed our bodies or found our soul mates. There will ever be advances and declines.
Rest easy, she does get her jabs in. But lines like, “I ate the thin woman and she was delicious but unsatisfying,” are rare. For the most part, she's not hiding behind anything. What she is doing is using her platform to share a story she didn’t have to, a story that would otherwise have gone untold.
While it may not be a redemption that can be demonstrated, Gay’s intention with this book is something we can all aspire to: “I hope that by sharing my story… more people can become appropriately horrified by how much suffering is born of sexual violence, how far-reaching the repercussions can be.”
Well said.
*In another interesting twist, Yiannopoulos' book was pulled by S&S over his NAMBLA-friendly comments. Gay was diffident about the publisher's decision, writing on Tumblr it was, "the same way they made a business decision when they decided to publish that man in the first place.”
Lisa L. Kirchner is the author of the critically-acclaimed Hello American Lady Creature: What I Learned as a Woman in Qatar. Her work has appeared in book anthologies, magazines & newspapers including The Washington Post and Salon.com. Celebrity interviews include: Amy Sedaris, Xavier Dolan and John Sayles. At one time she was simultaneously the dating columnist for an alternative newsweekly, bridal editor for a society rag and the religion reporter for a gay and lesbian newspaper. More at lisalkirchner.com.
This article appears in Jun 29 – Jul 7, 2017.