Treacherous traffic commutes caused by death-trap road construction and spring break DUI/distracted-driving insanity has struck primordial fear in Florida drivers.
From embattled beach cops to a seven-car pile-up, this week's past events would fit right in a Hollywood movie — a nihilistic, youth-wasteland epic that's half Harmony Korine franchise meets Mad Max sequel.
"There are a lot more tourists than we used to have, and it just seems like every year it gets worse and worse," Bradenton police officer Josh Fleischer told Fox Tampa Bay in a story about how Spring Break crowds are straining smaller police departments.
Last night's scene on Courtney Campbell Causeway resembled a movie montage of debauched chaos.
Multiple car wrecks dotted the parkway connecting Tampa and Clearwater, police car lights swirling red and blue, ambulances and swarms of vehicles packing in the side parking lots and playing chicken with drivers on their exit. Frenzied adolescents fueled by booze and sugary energy drinks screamed and flailed their arms outside their vehicles. One white Volkswagen convertible commandeered by a blonde psychobitch weaved carelessly in and out of traffic, cutting cars off left and right in what we can only guess was a gleefully maniacal ride to Shepard's to down Jell-O shots.
In sum, if you were driving on the Courtney Campbell around midnight last night, you were thankful to arrive at the other end alive.
