ALONG CAME POLLY (PG-13)
As its title more than suggests, what we have here is a romantic comedy that feels like a series of slapped-together outtakes from There's Something About Mary. The relationship at the center of the movie is a by-the-numbers case of opposites attracting (Ben Stiller's uptight insurance analyst falls for Jennifer Aniston's free-spirited eccentric), with semi-funny physical humor and Farrelly Brothers-ish toilet jokes abounding. There's even a blind ferret subbing for the little pooch in Mary. On the plus side, Aniston makes her underwritten character feel surprisingly real, and Philip Seymour Hoffman and Alec Baldwin deliver a few solid chuckles on the sidelines. Stiller plays the same character he always plays, and is usually much better when reacting to situations than when he's trying to drum up some laughs on his own. Also stars Debra Messing and Hank Azaria. 
BAD SANTA (R)
Billy Bob Thornton stars as the world's most horrible department store Santa in this wonderfully disgusting new comedy from Terry Zwigoff (Crumb, Ghost World). The closest modern equivalent to the movie's brand of sick-sick-sick humor might be There's Something about Mary, but Bad Santa turns wallowing in ugliness into something not only very funny but also very sad and real in a way that the Farrelly Brothers rarely manage. Things get a little gooey at the end (when Thornton's relationship with a weird little kid blossoms) and chirpy Lauren Graham of The Gilmore Girls seems a bit out of place here, but the rest is solid gold, dipped in blood, booze and puke. Also stars Bernie Mac, Tony Cox and John Ritter.
THE BIG BOUNCE (PG-13)
There are moments in this oddball heist comedy that unexpectedly recall the eccentric heights of '70s Altman and other American mavericks of that era. There are many more moments, however, that simply seem miscalculated and aimless. The Big Bounce is the second big-screen version of Elmore Leonard's book (the first being a forgettable Ryan O'Neal project back in '69), and the title fits: the movie's set-up is pure noir, but it's played out with a light and loopy screwball swing. Owen Wilson stars as a small-time crook seduced by a local bad girl (Sara Foster) into robbing her weaselly sugar daddy. Wilson and many of the other actors appear to be having a genuinely good time here, bringing a refreshingly loose, off-the-wall energy to the proceedings, but the plot advances in awkward lurches and reveals itself in an almost throwaway manner. The scattershot, anti-climatic feel is cemented by a wet fish of an ending that appears out of nowhere and an 80-minute running time that feels unnaturally truncated. On the other hand, there's a scene where we get to see Wilson and Morgan Freeman sitting around shooting the breeze with Willy Nelson and Harry Dean Stanton, and that alone nearly justifies the movie's existence. Also stars Gary Sinise, Bebe Neuwirth and Charlie Sheen. Opens Jan. 30 at local theaters.
BIG FISH (PG-13)
Tim Burton's new movie often appears to be one absurd image and taller-than-tall tale after another. Strip away all the baroque detours, though, and you'll find a simple saga about estranged sons making peace with absent fathers, a scenario that trades in a familiar Hollywood sentimentality straight out of any number of so-so movies with names most of us have already forgotten. It's a meticulously crafted movie and, in its way, an immensely enjoyable one, but that instantly identifiable, auteurist hand behind Ed Wood and Pee-Wee's Big Adventure is almost nowhere to be found. You might say that Big Fish represents a more mature Burton, a now nearly fully domesticated filmmaker capable of creating mellower movies that don't feel the pressing need to assert their originality with every frame. With its kinder, gentler quirkiness, Big Fish has the unmistakable feel of a fairy tale, but one told by a grown-up. Stars Albert Finney, Ewan McGregor, Billy Crudup, Jessica Lange and Helena Bonham Carter. 1/2
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT (R)
Ashton Kutcher stars as a troubled young man who discovers he can travel back in time to "fix" the childhood traumas that screwed him up so badly. Only problem is that once Kutcher gets back to the present, he finds that things haven't necessarily changed for the better. The Butterfly Effect is a less-than-inspired What If project, in which the principal pleasure is supposed to lie in watching the various alternate versions of the main character's reality unfold. Unfortunately, neither the main character nor his realities are particularly interesting, the movie's way too clumsy and silly to handle delicately the themes it touches upon (such as child abuse), and Kutcher simply can't act his way out of a paper bag. Also stars Amy Smart.
CALENDAR GIRLS (PG-13)
A real event inspired this inevitable distaff version of The Full Monty, when middle-aged members of a Yorkshire women's club posed nude (tastefully) for a calendar to raise money for charity. A contrived story has been built around the incident with formulaic obstacles and no overriding concept beyond making a commercial movie. Helen Mirren and Julie Walters ensure it won't be a total loss. With a little tit, a little titillation and nothing to offend anyone, it's the feel-good movie of — well, at least the 108 minutes it takes to unfold. —Steve Warren
CHASING LIBERTY (PG-13)
It Happened One Night begat Roman Holiday, which begat this tale of a pampered princess busting loose and falling in love. As the daughter of President Mark Harmon, Mandy Moore starts her Roman holiday in Prague, aided by cute Matthew Goode, an undercover Secret Service agent who keeps her safe while giving her the illusion of freedom. The scenery kicks the plot's ass at every turn, although senior agents Jeremy Piven and Annabella Sciorra fall in love more entertainingly than their younger co-stars. —Steve Warren
CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN (PG)
The idea of two people bringing 12 more into the world seems more irresponsible now than it did in 1950, when the original Cheaper By the Dozen was made. (The two films have only the title in common.) Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt and their brood nevertheless offer 99 fun minutes, as long as you stop thinking about our finite resources and focus on slapstick, puke, dog-in-crotch jokes and the love underneath it all. —Steve Warren
COLD MOUNTAIN (NR)
There's more than a whiff of dread hanging in the air in director Anthony Minghella's wildly tragic-romantic opus, and it won't be giving away much to mention that it all ends badly. Jude Law and Nicole Kidman (sporting not-too-embarrassing Southern accents) star as a pair of absurdly clear complected, Civil War-era lovebirds buffeted by the cruel winds of destiny. He's been to hell and back in the war, and spends most of the movie's two-and-a-half hours trudging through the ravaged countryside, encountering various colorful characters along the way, as Kidman's voice-over periodically implores "My love, my love, where are you?" The film practically begs for consideration as Minghella's Gone With the Wind, or maybe his Pilgrim's Progress, a panoramic study of a vanished America, bolstered by handsome cinematography and oodles of lively performances. Even at 150 minutes the movie feels rushed, though, visibly straining to cram in too many characters and events. For all the epic sprawl, there's a scattered, episodic quality to the film that makes even the better performances feel a bit like cameos. And even though everyone's faces are dutifully smudged and fingernails are appropriately dirty, Kidman and Law rarely fail to look like fashion models striking poses out in the wild. Also stars Renee Zellweger and Natalie Portman.
THE COOLER (R)
A Vegas fairy tale starring William H. Macy as a well-meaning sad sack (Macy's forte) whose luck is so bad it's infectious. Macy's luck seems to turn around when he falls in love with a frisky cocktail waitress (Maria Bello), but complications set in from all directions, beginning with an old-school casino boss (Alec Baldwin) with his own plans for Macy. The movie's amusing enough and boasts three terrific performances in Macy, Baldwin and Bello, but first-time director Wayne Kramer still only barely manages to avoid skirting any number of cliches and stereotypes. Also stars Ron Livingston and Paul Sorvino. At Regal Channelside, Beach Theatre and Sarasota Hollywood 20. Call theaters to confirm.
THE GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING (PG-13)
A beautiful but ultimately shallow account of the unspoken bond that develops between the 17th-century Dutch painter Vermeer (Colin Firth) and the 17-year-old housemaid who becomes his model. The film's look is ravishing — there's a lovely quality to the light and compositions that deliberately emulates Vermeer's own paintings — but the movie unfolds in a painfully slow, static way that goes against the grain of its sensual imagery. Girl with a Pearl Earring is all hushed tones and stolen glances, with performances so subdued as to be nearly unreadable. That's probably by design, but it all still feels too detached to make much of an impression. Also stars Tom Wilkinson. Opens Jan. 30 at Tampa Theatre and Sarasota Hollywood 20. Call theaters to confirm. 1/2
GOTHIKA (R)
In her first post-Oscar role, Halle Berry plays a psychotherapist who begins seeing nasty visions and winds up in the damaged souls section of a prison that more closely resembles a haunted house than a penitentiary. The story teases us with some Is she actually nuts or is there really something supernatural afoot? mind games, but that's only window dressing for what is essentially just your basic freaky horror flick. Neon lights flicker at predictable intervals, the wind howls incessantly, and director Mathieu Kassovitz's camera twirls about to the point of distraction, sort of a 21st-century equivalent of those irritating zoom shots of the '70s. The movie is stylish, and Berry holds her own, but Gothika's script is a plodding, convoluted mishmash of horror cliches (complete with eleventh-hour revelations). Even worse, everybody but Berry and Robert Downey often gives the impression that they're being directed by someone with a less-than-perfect grasp of the nuances of the English language. Also stars Penelope Cruz and Charles S. Dutton.
HONEY (PG-13)
"Dark Angel's" Jessica Alba plays a club dancer torn between her aspiration to shake her booty in hip-hop music videos and her loyalty to the kids in her neighborhood. While no camp landmark like Showgirls or Glitter, the film's embrace of ancient let's-put-on-a-show cliches are good for a laugh, and Alba's easy on the eyes. Honey should provide a show of unity between fans of hip-hop music and bad movies alike. —Curt Holman
HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG (R)
Its melodramatic, grandiose conclusion is an odd match with its previous flat-line rhythm, but the grim House of Sand and Fog is greatly enhanced by Ben Kingsley's memorable performance as an Iranian immigrant who battles with a depressed woman (Jennifer Connelly) over her former house by the sea. Connelly's zombie-like, unengaging performance, as well as the film's emotionally mismatched first and second halves, account for its inability to work, despite some interesting content. —Felicia Feaster
IN AMERICA (NR)
Jim Sheridan's new film is about characters haunted by death, but it's also something of a fairytale, the sweetly old-fashioned kind that come complete with three wishes. The director wrote the film with his two grown daughters, drawing upon their early memories to fashion In America's more-or-less autobiographical account of a family of Irish immigrants struggling to get by in New York City. The earlier and, by far, most successful sections of the film feel delightfully spontaneous and loosely sketched, conveying an unmistakable air of authenticity that makes small moments like purchasing an old air conditioner or strolling through a street fair feel quite large indeed. That magic dissipates during the film's later sections, however, when the movie cops out with a number of conventional flourishes, including a terminal illness for one of the characters and a complicated pregnancy for another. Even more problematic, however, is the movie's awkward, eleventh-hour shift into darker territory, as the film somersaults into an orgy of blood, death and drama-queen theatrics that would make a Palestinian suicide bomber blush. It's almost enough to make us forget that In America is also a movie that brims with life. Stars Samantha Morton, Paddy Considine, Djimon Hounsou, Sarah Bolger and Emma Bolger.
THE LAST SAMURAI (PG-13)
Tom Cruise plays a guilt-ravaged, Civil War-era soldier who accepts an offer to travel to Japan to prepare that country's army to battle a legion of samurai warriors resisting encroaching modernity (read: Western influence). It's clear from the outset that Algren's admiration lies more with his brave-hearted adversaries than with his fat-cat employers — and when the samurais capture him, Cruise's love affair with his honorable foes begins in earnest. It's all very beautifully realized, although not particularly subtle, with endless scenes of samurai life accompanied by warm, gooey music that makes the theme from Love Story sound restrained. The movie falls into a pattern of sorts, with quieter sequences involving Cruise's character's personal transformation followed by a succession of big, juicy battle scenes that pop up roughly every 20 minutes. So even if all the sensitive stuff is putting you to sleep, you won't have long to wait for the next energetically edited sequence of heads being lopped off, swords piercing flesh, and screaming men on horses galloping in all directions. Also stars Ken Watanabe, Tony Goldwyn, Timothy Spall and Billy Connolly.
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING (PG-13)
The grand finale of Peter Jackson's masterful adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's books is a 210-minute, total immersion experience that's apt to leave one feeling both exhilarated and emotionally exhausted. All in all, it's a deeply satisfying conclusion to a series that now seems all but assured of a place in cinema history as the War and Peace of fantasy-adventure movies. The scale here is even more immense than that of the previous two installments, with a furious Mother of All Battles only part of a vast, Wagnerian spectacle, complete with grand transformations and much talk of blood, essence, history and destiny. Most of the movie's incredible imagery is computer-generated, but perhaps the greatest accomplishment of Return of the King is that all the high-tech shenanigans are always at the service of a story that never loses sight of its old-fashioned humanity. It can (and will) be argued that the movie's too long and contains at least one or two endings too many, but there's a lovely symmetry to the film's structure that ties together the entire trilogy with grace and humor. And frankly, I for one can't wait to see the even longer cut on DVD next year. Stars Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Orlando Bloom, Sean Bean and Billy Boyd. 1/2
LOST IN TRANSLATION (PG-13)
Sofia Coppola's playful and elegantly deadpan film is a cinematic poem for people who don't think they like poetry. The movie's not-so-secret weapon is Bill Murray, who plays a burned-out movie star a decade or two past his prime and reduced to hawking whiskey for Japanese television. Murray's character hooks up with another American stranger in a strange land, (Ghost World's Scarlett Johansson), and the movie follows the two jet-lagged and utterly disoriented Yanks running wild through the sensory overload of downtown Tokyo and, in their down time, back at the hotel. Coppola's eccentric little wisp of a film is a pure beauty, achieving a seemingly effortless balance of understated wit, lyricism, and off-the-wall absurdity. Also stars Giovanni Ribisi. At Madstone Theaters. 1/2
MONA LISA SMILE (PG-13)
New teacher Julia Roberts shakes things up at a conservative college for women in the 1950s, in this Dead Poets Society for girls. Roberts butts heads with the uptight administration and snooty students, deals with the affections of a suitor or two, and ultimately serves as an inspiration and guiding light to scads of bright young women who might otherwise have spent their lives making meatloaf for their hubbies. Roberts might just be atoning for Pretty Woman with her strong, vaguely bohemian character here, but the movie is just too shallow and predictable to really qualify as anything special. Also stars Maggie Gyllenhaal, Kirsten Dunst, Julia Stiles and Marcia Gay Harden. 1/2
MONSTER (R)
First-time director Patty Jenkin's movie is harrowing stuff, topped by Charlize Theron's astonishing turn as real-life female serial killer Aileen Wuornos. Monster is one long howl of pain, focusing on the relatively brief period when hate-wracked Aileen Wuornos made the leap from bargain basement hooker to insatiable serial killer. The movie manages to paint Wuornos as a victimizer and as a victim, eliciting both our horror and empathy (sometimes in the same breath), and the frame of mind we're put in is anything but a simple one. As for Theron's spine-tingling performance, it will make it difficult to ever look at this actress in the same way again. It's the sort of performance that starts in a very physical place and then extends outward in all directions, devastating everything in its path with its sheer intensity. Also stars Christina Ricci. 1/2
MY BABY'S DADDY (PG-13)
If Three Men and a Baby was funny, three men and three babies should be three times as funny, right? Maybe it should be, but it isn't. On one magic night, Eddie Griffin, Anthony Anderson and Michael Imperioli, friends since infancy, all get women pregnant, which means they'll eventually have to grow up. After The Watermelon Woman director Cheryl Dunye plunges into the mainstream, but shows she's not ready for prime time. The film trivializes serious issues and plays as broadly as a Friday movie but with surprisingly few laughs. —Steve Warren
MYSTIC RIVER (R)
Clint Eastwood's latest directorial offering dives into somewhat unfamiliar waters, with mostly successful results. Mystic River is an epic tragedy about how two devastating events, a quarter-century apart, change a handful of lives in a Boston working class neighborhood. Eastwood's film is uncharacteristically filled with charged symbols and nakedly emotional Big Speeches, but the top-notch ensemble cast is good enough to pull it off and leave us wanting more. Tim Robbins is particularly effective as the damaged man-child who never quite recovered from being molested as a child, and Sean Penn burns up the screen as a man with a dead daughter and one too many secrets. Also stars Kevin Bacon, Laura Linney, Laurence Fishburne and Marcia Gay Harden. 1/2
PETER PAN (PG)
A beautifully imagined retelling of J.M. Barrie's 1924 classic, faithful in essence and in particulars to its source while adding some creative touches of its own. Director P.J. Hogan (the "wedding guy" behind Muriel's Wedding and My Best Friend's Wedding) laces a slightly darker and more erotic tone throughout, with Wendy, Tink and Hook all smacking lips over Peter at one point or another. (Even weirder, Wendy also seems to find something, uh, strangely compelling about Hook — who is played, kinkily enough, by the same actor who plays her father.) The film looks gorgeous, with some nifty special effects and a strong cast that includes Jeremy Sumpter (the first actual boy to ever play Peter!), Ludivine Sagnier (Swimming Pool) as Tinkerbell, and Jason Isaacs as the best Hook since Dustin Hoffman's turn in Spielberg's underrated Hook. There are some overly sentimental moments here, to be sure, but some magical ones too. When all's said and done, the movie succeeds mightily on smarts, style and sheer fairy power — and we're not talkin' Queer Eye here. Also stars Olivia Williams and Rachel Hurd-Wood. 1/2
SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE (PG-13)
Diane Keaton delivers a memorable performance, both touching and very funny, as a middle-aged woman who finds herself all shook up in love for the first time in ages. Jack Nicholson is also in fine form as the aging playboy playing romantic head games with our heroine, and Frances McDormand and Amanda Peet work wonders with small roles as Keaton's sister and daughter, respectively. Other than some very engaging performances, however, there's not all that much going on in Something's Gotta Give, a romantic comedy that breezes along on a handful of cute jokes and the sort of star power that transcends a so-so script. It's all appealing enough until a disastrously predictable last act appears, demonstrating nothing less than the fact that the movie has simply run out of ideas. Also stars Keanu Reeves.
STUCK ON YOU (PG-13)
As if further proof were required, this new project from the Farrelly Brothers shows the team's patented brand of "offensive" comedy has become an occasionally amusing but, for the most part, rigorously inoffensive formula that the filmmakers can apparently whip up in their sleep. Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear generate some good chemistry as a pair of conjoined twins ("We're not Siamese," snips Damon's character. "We're American"), but the filmmakers seem to be pulling their punches and playing it safer than ever. It's not nearly as awful as you might imagine from the premise (or the trailer), but — outside of one priceless moment with Kinnear performing a one-man play while dragging his twin behind him — not nearly as funny either. Also stars Eva Mendes, Wen Yann Shih, Seymour Cassel and Cher. 1/2
TEACHER'S PET (PG)
Feature-length version of Disney's TV series about a little blue dog who dreams of becoming a boy. If nothing else, we can look forward to artist Gary Baseman's inimitable visual style. Featuring the voices of Nathan Lane and Kelsey Grammer. (Not Reviewed)
TORQUE (PG-13)
This new school action movie zooms past The Fast and the Furious in kinetic visuals but lags behind it in plot and characterization. Ford (Martin Henderson) is a biker with two buddies and a babe (Monet Mazur), who's caught between two drug-dealing biker gangs and the FBI. The actors, the machines, even the scenery strike more poses than Madonna in the process of telling the story, which appears to have been put together by a computer. —Steve Warren
WIN A DATE WITH TAD HAMILTON (PG-13)
Puppy love comedy that occasionally seems to aim a touch higher than what we expect, but can't quite manage to get there. Small town supermarket clerk Rosalee (Kate Bosworth) is swept off her feet by Tad Hamilton (Josh Duhamel), a hunky Hollywood movie star with whom she wins that titular date. It's never quite clear how sincere Duhamel's character is, or what he's after in his wooing of the pretty little hick, and, while it's initially intriguing, the movie suffers from that vagueness. Meanwhile, Rosalee's best pal (That 70s Show's Topher Grace) turns out to be harboring a 22-year-old crush on the girl that's set to explode at any moment. The young actors are genuinely appealing and the script actually has some clever things to say from time to time, but Win a Date with Tad Hamilton is ultimately about as shallow as you'd imagine. Also stars Nathan Lane and Ginnifer Goodwin. 1/2
— Reviewed entries by Lance Goldenberg unless otherwise noted.
This article appears in Jan 28 – Feb 3, 2004.