ANCHORMAN (PG-13) While it's not as smoothly, consistently entertaining as Elf, Will Ferrell's breakout movie, Anchorman specializes in an aggressively odd brand of humor that showcases the edgier side of Ferrell's comedic talents and takes more risks. The results are mixed: there's a noticeable amount of dead air and jokes that go nowhere, for sure — but the highs, when they come, are substantially higher, too. The movie is set in a San Diego TV newsroom in the 1970s, where popular but clueless anchor Ron Burgundy (Ferrell) becomes drawn into the war of the sexes when pretty but uncommonly capable Christina Applegate enters the picture. There's a solid running commentary bubbling under the surface about what happened when feminism first began creeping into the American workplace, but the movie is really anything but serious. Most of Anchorman plays out like a series of Ferrell's stranger skits from his Saturday Night Live years, with the scattershot non sequiturs eventually giving way to a crescendo of fabulously over-the-top (and gratuitous) parodies of fight scenes. Lots of amusing cameos here too, including Vince Vaughan, Tim Robbins and Jack Black, who is given the honor of lethally punting a pooch. Also stars Paul Rudd, David Koechner and Fred Willard. Opens July 9 at local theaters. 
1/2
AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS This movie creates a whole new meaning for the word cheesy, but surprisingly enough, it works more often than it doesn't. Lau Xing (Jackie Chan) robs the Bank of England to retrieve a sacred jade Buddha that was stolen from his village. In the course of his getaway, he encounters an inventor named Phineas Fogg (Steve Coogan) who has accepted a challenge from England's Royal Academy of Science to travel around the globe in 80 days — as it's the turn of the century, that's no small challenge. Xing joins him and the two travel by boat, carriage, camel, train, balloon and the first-ever "flying man" contraption, before returning to the top of the Academy's stairs. Days moves at a pace that keeps seat squirming to a minimum, and any stops made along the way are satisfyingly picturesque. Typical of Chan, the dialogue is unnaturally blunt and the character development minimal, but the comedic timing and fight scenes more than compensate. Yes it's fluff … satisfyingly cute fluff. Guest appearances by Owen and Luke Wilson, Arnold Schwarzenegger (pre-governor), and Rob Schneider. 1/2
THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK (PG-13) A sequel of sorts to Pitch Black, in which Vin Diesel's self-serving, intergalactic bad-ass Riddick returns to find himself pitted against the Negromongers, a group of death-worshiping religious warriors going from planet to planet demanding "Convert or Die." Director David Twohy (The Arrival) might be offering up some thinly veiled allusion to the ongoing Islamist problem (or maybe he's just riffing on the Borg), but the movie has New Testament connections too, with Diesel's character eventually being set up as some sort of reluctant Messianic figure. All of this is just window dressing, however, for the movie's incessant action scenes, fights, chases and explosions, not to mention the non-stop digital effects, and sets and costumes directly lifted from David Lynch's Dune. One gets the impression that much of the movie's connective tissue, its actual story, now lies on the cutting-room floor, leaving us with a slightly better-than-average popcorn movie stripped down for the summer. It's a no-brainer that the real show will be the longer director's cut that's sure to eventually emerge on DVD, so consider this an appetizer (at best). Also stars Colm Feore, Judi Dench, Thandie Newton and Alexa Davalos.
THE CLEARING (PG-13) A more grownup role for Robert Redford (complete with semi-grownup haircut and an on-screen wife who's roughly his own age), but nothing much else to write home about. Redford plays a successful businessman who's kidnapped by a disgruntled former employee (Willem Dafoe), while Redford's wife and family sit at home trying to keep it together. While not as flashy as something like Memento, the film eventually reveals that its dual his-and-her storylines aren't actually taking place at the same time, a device that provides a few interesting moments but isn't really crucial to what's happening in The Clearing. Redford and Dafoe's characters do a lot of talking out in the woods, and the movie is ultimately more interested in functioning as an engaging character study than in offering up the expected payload of suspense or mystery. The film is carefully crafted and atmospheric, with strong performances from Redford and Helen Mirren, but it's not quite the human drama it wants to be, nor does it really add anything new to the thriller genre. Also stars Matt Craven and Melissa Sagemiller. Opens July 9 at local theaters.
THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW (PG-13) Having built a career on destroying the world (by, among other things, aliens in Independence Day and giant lizards in Godzilla), Roland Emmerich is up to his old tricks again. This time, however, we've only got ourselves to blame, as global warming and an out-of-control greenhouse effect create a new Ice Age, making life very difficult for a courageous scientist (Dennis Quaid) and his dreamboat son (Jake Gyllenhaal), not to mention a couple billion bit players. The movie's first hour is a straightforward eco-disaster movie featuring scads of massively proportioned, apocalyptic imagery. The movie's second half prompts more than its share of unintentional laughter, though, with bland heroics, wooden dialogue and every cliche in the book taking center stage. Also stars Ian Holm, Emmy Rossum and Sela Ward.
DODGEBALL: A TRUE UNDERDOG STORY (PG-13) Despite much talk of aiming low, debuting writer-director Rawson Marshall Thurber finds a nice middle ground with material that would be offensive if it weren't funny; but most of it is funny. Corporate shark Ben Stiller's attempt to swallow Vince Vaughn's funky neighborhood gym is settled by a David vs. Goliath championship dodgeball match in Vegas. Stay through the credits for Stiller's final scene.
—Steve Warren
FAHRENHEIT 9/11 (R) Michael Moore's new movie is indisputably important, but not so much as a film as a phenomenon. (And why not? If terrorist attacks now decide elections in places like Spain, what's so wrong with the idea of a film swaying an American election?) Moore wears his agenda on his sleeve, and most of the points he drums home are already familiar to most of us, regardless of what our politics may be. Still, it's more than a little unnerving to see all those points rattled off in rapid succession, and with such iron-willed eloquence (Moore's movies aren't exactly great cinema, but they sure make effective use of all the tricks of editing, not to mention rhetoric.) Yes, we all know the 2000 election was a sham. Yes, we know Bush is a doofus (also lazy, hypocritical and quite possibly pretty mean-spirited). And yes, we know that the Bush clan is wallowing in bed with the Saudi royal family, and that, where our foreign policy is concerned, Arab oil money probably speaks louder than suicide bombers. Still, what is Moore really saying by all this, besides pleading with us to dump Bush posthaste? Much is made of how the government uses paranoia as a tool to control voters, but at the same time Moore seems to be saying that America needs to be better protected. Did we go too far in making war on Afghanistan, according to Moore, or not far enough? And does the filmmaker really believe that cutting loose the Saudi high rollers would lead to anything but a void to be immediately filled by yet another angry Islamic fundamentalist state in the Middle East? Reading between the lines of the film prompts dozens of questions like these, and none of them is ever really addressed. Still, the movie is glib enough that we barely notice Moore talking out of both sides of his mouth (exactly what he accuses Bush of doing), and it might just be the most effective political advertisement of all time. Faults aside, Fahrenheit 9/11 is a big deal — more passionate and, in its way, more serious than anything Michael Moore has ever attempted, and a movie that deserves to be seen, pondered and carefully debated. 1/2
GARFIELD: THE MOVIE (PG) This kitty's story is better told through the comic strip that made him famous. Garfield (voiced by Bill Murray) must protect his domain after caretaker Jon Arbuckle (Breckin Meyer) brings home his new pal, Odie. After the new dog disappears, it is up to the orange cat to find him and get him home safely. Though the movie has surreal components based on its cartoon animation, too many pop culture references and an abundance of senseless jokes spoil the fantasy of the film. The human cast's acting is cartoonish and unconvincing, seeming purposefully dumbed down so Garfield can hoard the spotlight. Some of the jokes and situations are funny enough to induce a smile, but there are very few scenes that will have the audience roaring with laughter. Allusions to the strip permeate the film, and the star's portrayal is right on target: the fat, lazy cat hates Mondays and loves his lasagna, just as he always has. Also stars Jennifer Love Hewitt. 1/2
—Whitney Meers
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN (PG) Even if Harry Potter hasn't quite come of age in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, it sure looks like the franchise has. Director Alfonso Cuaron (Y Tu Mama Tambien) replaces the reliable but hardly inspirational Chris Columbus this time, giving the new installment a grittier, wittier, more palpably dangerous feel, both in its drama and its comedy. If there's a real flaw here, it's that the movie tends to meander a little too much, teasing us with nuggets of plot and sub-plot that don't gel until the last half-hour of this 135-minute film. These are problems that can be traced right back to the source material, however, and if you're in the camp that thinks of Rowlings as the James Joyce of fantasy, you're unlikely to be bothered by any of this. The new faces here — a veritable who's who of the creme de la creme of British thespianism that includes David Thewlis, Michael Gambon and Gary Oldman — raise Azkaban to even greater heights. Also stars Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint and Alan Rickman.
KILL BILL, VOLUME TWO (R) There's still a goodly amount of blood and guts to be found here, but if KB1 was all form and slick, shocking exteriors, then KB2 often appears to be the inside of the story, the so-called heart. Tarantino's new movie sometimes almost seems to be on the verge of becoming a blood-spattered chick flick about the, uh, complicated relationship between Uma Thurman's retired assassin and her former employer and lover, Bill (David Carradine). In the end, KB2 is more interesting for how it defies expectations than for what it actually achieves, but it's nice to see that Tarantino hasn't completely turned his back on the idea of telling a genuine story peopled by real-live humans with real-live emotions. Also stars Michael Madsen and Darryl Hannah.
KING ARTHUR (PG-13) This new take on the life of the legendary King Arthur is far removed from the mystic, romanticized fantasy of the famous tale. Rather, the film tells a version of the fable with only slight references to a round table and a sword in the stone. A story of liberation and bloody sacrifice, it is a well-executed portrait of how Arthur (Clive Owen) and his entourage may have defeated the Saxons through a series of gruesome battles. Other characters of Arthurian legend appear throughout the movie, though not quite in a traditional sense. Merlin (Stephen Dillane) is not a magician but a warlord, and the contention between Arthur and a pretentious Sir Lancelot (Ioan Gruffudd) for the affection of Lady Guinevere (Keira Knightley) is only a vague sidetrack. Nonetheless, the luster of this legend is magnified on the big screen and packed with action and valor. 1/2
—Whitney Meers
LOVE ME IF YOU DARE (NR) This tale of all-consuming amour fou is loaded with a quirky, playful visual imagination that strains to evoke the form and feel of Jean-Pierre Jeunet's much-loved Amelie, but to little effect. What all this elaborate style furiously strives to embellish is a story about Julien (Guillaume Canet) and Sophie (Marion Cotillard), a boy and a girl who spend their lives torturing the world and each other with stupid little games, even though it's clear they're both just looking for love. The movie might have benefited had the games played by the pair been either ingenious or at least subversive, but they're not. Julien and Sophie's antics begin frivolous and dumb, and eventually simply become mean-spirited. The movie makes it abundantly clear that these two damaged souls are nuts about each other and belong together, but it delays and complicates their inevitable merger in a manner that's ultimately as annoying as the lamest Hollywood romantic comedy. Worse, the constant tonal shifts from the whimsical to the pathological seem less calculated than slapdash, and none of it is very much fun to watch. Held over at Sunrise Cinemas at Old Hyde Park (formerly Madstone Theaters). 1/2
MAN ON FIRE (R) John Creasy (Denzel Washington) doesn't say much about himself but you've seen enough movies to recognize a burned-out drunk seeking redemption when you see one. He's hired as bodyguard for Dakota Fanning in Mexico City who rehumanizes him before she's kidnapped, and he sets out for revenge. Brian Helgeland's screenplay leaves serious questions if you think about it but director Tony Scott ensures you won't, keeping the film well paced and visually exciting with some amazing montages. You can't expect a movie to entertain and make sense in 2004.
—Steve Warren
THE NOTEBOOK (PG-13) Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams (the head mean girl from Mean Girls) star as star-crossed lovers in this slow-moving, sticky-sweet, cliche-ridden romance. The tale is told in flashback, with a nicely evoked setting of coastal North Carolina in the 1940s being one of the film's few saving graces. The source here is yet another assembly line product generated by romance novelist Nicholas Sparks (Message in a Bottle, A Walk to Remember), so you pretty much know what you're getting into even before the opening credits roll. Also stars James Garner, Gena Rowlands, James Marsden and Sam Shepard. 1/2
SACRED PLANET (G) Exceptionally beautiful, even by IMAX standards, Sacred Planet is a Robert Redford-narrated visit to "some of the last pristine places on Earth" – or as it's known in some circles, undeveloped real estate. In segments filmed on three continents, we hear similar ecological messages from people who "live in harmony with their natural surroundings," ideas developed independently thousands of miles apart at a time before long-distance travel or communication. If this doesn't make you hug a tree, nothing will. Playing at IMAX Dome Theater (MOSI).
—Steve Warren
SHREK 2 (PG) While not quite the raw burst of unbridled (and vaguely subversive) creative energy that the original was, Shrek 2 is just as loaded with wall-to-wall gags, and may even boast a tighter, more traditionally compelling story. The narrative this time out features a deliciously nasty fairy godmother (Jennifer Saunders) who wants to pry apart our two favorite ogre lovebirds, and give Fiona to her vain, vapid Prince Charming of a son (Ruppert Everett). The movie also makes great use of its other voice talents, both old and new, showcases some of the best computerized animation ever seen, and grooves along on an eccentric soundtrack that includes everything from vintage '70s disco-funk to Nick Cave. Features the voices of Mike Meyers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, Antonio Banderas, John Cleese and Julie Andrews.
SLEEPOVER (PG) Having survived the Spy Kids trilogy, Alexa Vega faces a real adventure: high school. At a junior high graduation slumber party she and her uncool friends compete with the popular (i.e., mean) girls in a scavenger hunt. This sweet 'tween fantasy will give false hope to real 14-year-olds but may empower a few to transcend their niche in the established social order.
—Steve Warren
SPIDER-MAN 2 (PG-13) Spider-Man 2 concentrates and amplifies the strengths of the first film, skillfully interweaving human-size dramatic elements with enormous and enormously visceral action set pieces. Much time is spent reintroducing the film's characters and rehashing their relationships, but this turns out to be essential in getting us to care about what happens to those characters once the sparks eventually begin to fly. And what sparks they are! Where the first movie's nemesis, Green Goblin, was somewhat (unintentionally) silly, the sequel's mechanical-armed transgressor, Doctor Octopus, is a monumental and menacing foe — and, as we all know, movies like these live or die by their villains. Sam Rami stages Doc Ock's every scene brilliantly, harking back to the director's pre-blockbuster days as a class horror act with pulp fare like Darkman and the Evil Dead movies. It's all part of a web of solid gold, providing substance and flavor to what is essentially a kick-ass action movie. Stars Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco and Alfred Molina.
THE STEPFORD WIVES (PG-13) Although not quite the catastrophe indicated by all that awful advance buzz, Frank Oz's take on robot housewives in suburban hell is still a bit of a mess. Oz's remake eschews any traces of horror or suspense for the broadest sort of camp, bringing the already obvious satirical undertones of the original film to the surface and running with them like an energetic but none-too-bright puppy with a pair of your favorite underpants in its mouth. The pro-feminist/anti-conformist agenda is played as farce for most of the film's running time, with telegraphed plot points and a cavalier approach to pacing making it seem as if the film assumes that everyone is already in on the joke, so what does it matter. There are also narrative and tonal inconsistencies galore, culminating in a bizarre shift to the deadly serious occurring about an hour in, rendering the movie completely schizophrenic and dead in the water. Some of the comedy bits are appealing enough, however, in a lazy, glossy and thoroughly disposable sort of way. Stars Nicole Kidman, Matthew Broderick, Christopher Walken, Jon Lovitz and Bette Midler.
SUPER SIZE ME (NR) Morgan Spurlock's Sundance-approved attack on the fast food industry and on America's eating habits in general is a documentary very much cut from Michael Moore's cloth, both in its political leanings and in its methodology. Like Moore, Spurlock cloaks his diatribes in humor and odd behavior, includes all sorts of gonzo asides, and features the filmmaker himself as our personal guide through the chaos. The facts doled out are generally accurate but are selectively chosen and just incendiary enough to qualify, when all is said and done, as a friendlier, leftist version of old-fashioned fascist propaganda. Spurlock makes himself a human guinea pig, eating nothing but McDonalds food for 30 days, and the results are predictably gruesome. Like all good satirists and propagandists, Spurlock understands the value of exaggeration — the filmmaker consumed as much McDonalds in 30 days as most nutritionists say you're supposed to eat in eight years — and he makes an easy target an even easier one. Super Size Me's flip approach barely disguises its preachiness, but none of this makes the film any less valuable or any less nauseating. 1/2
THE TERMINAL (PG-13) Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks together again, in a curious little project about a man who becomes stuck in an airport when his country ceases to exist, plunging him into bureaucratic limbo. Spielberg turns the airport terminal into a microcosm, as Hank's character learns to survive within its confines, making friends (and an enemy or two), finding love (with an emotionally fragile stewardess played by Catherine Zeta-Jones), and eventually becoming a hero to the employees. The movie is a bit quirky and even minimalist in ways that we don't normally associate with Spielberg, at times almost like something Rod Serling might have cooked up as a Twilight Zone episode many decades ago. Rod would have got the job done in less than a half-hour, though, and Spielberg would have done better to trim The Terminal by at least 30 minutes. The film ultimately suffers from having too many sub-plots crammed into it, particularly the syrupy romantic interludes that are its least interesting elements. Still, it's easy to marvel at Spielberg's mastery of his craft, at his ability to glide from humor to pathos and back again without our even noticing how we're being manipulated. Also stars Stanley Tucci and Bernie Mac.
TROY (R) At a running time of some 160 minutes, this unfocused and overlong historical epic is unlikely to get anyone too excited. Troy tells us that it was "inspired" by Homer's Iliad, but this version of the Trojan wars of 1200 B.C. is history as thoroughly scrambled as something served up by Oliver Stone, and significantly flatter than anything Stone's ever attached his name to. The film simply alternates a steady stream of big, chaotic battle scenes (think Saving Private Ryan in tunics, complete with a soundtrack of whizzing arrows) with endless scenes distinguished by soulful expressions, weighty pronouncements about fate and immortality, and the faux-spiritual vocal stylings of the Bulgarian Women's Choir. Brad Pitt is as buff and bronzed as a Greek god, but turns in his most wooden performance ever as the legendary warrior Achilles, while an array of lesser stars swirl around him. Orlando Bloom drifts through the ether like an Elf transported in from Lord of the Rings, Brian Cox hams it up as evil King Agamemnon, and a frail Peter O'Toole wanders about looking like old Bruce Dern's dazed doppelganger. Also stars Eric Bana and Diane Kruger. 1/2
TWO BROTHERS (PG) Jean-Jacques Annaud, a director who usually seems much more comfortable working with animals (The Bear) than with real-live human actors (Seven Years in Tibet), is back on familiar turf with this simply told but heartfelt and beautifully made wildlife adventure. The movie was shot in Thailand and Cambodia, yielding some great location footage in this tale of two tigers separated as cubs only to be re-united as adult rivals. The human actors and their stories are almost an afterthought to Two Brothers (although Guy Pearce emotes with the best of them), but the antics of the cuddly cubs — which is the main attraction here — will keep the kiddies and their animal-loving adult companions more than happy. Also stars Jean-Claude Dreyfus and Christian Clavier.
VAN HELSING (PG-13) Even hardcore horror fans aren't likely to find much worthwhile in this bombastic mess in which a pair of fashionably dressed monster slayers (Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale) spend a couple of hours running around like headless chickens, shooting bullets, arrows and stakes at anything that moves. The CGI effects are omnipresent and absolutely awful, with gigantic werewolves and Mr. Hyde coming off as unintentional cartoons with all the personality of Casper the Friendly Ghost. The flesh and blood creatures don't fare much better, with Shuler Hensley making for an utterly bland Frankenstein monster, and Richard Roxburgh's ear-ringed and ponytailed Dracula coming off as a second-rate, Flamenco-dancing reject from the Gypsy Kings. The look of Van Helsing is darkly luxurious and faithful in its way to the old Universal horror films on which it's based, but director Stephen Sommers mistakes attractive set design for mood, and his movie is so frenetic it kills any chance for a poetic moment. Also stars David Wenham and Kevin J. O'Connor.
VALENTIN (NR) A sweet (sometimes almost unbearably so) coming-of-age tale about a precocious little cross-eyed boy growing up in Buenos Aires in the early '60s. Valentin (Rodrigo Noya) is a cute and wise-beyond-his-years 8-year-old, living with his loving but cranky grandmother (Carmen Maura), and struggling to understand what's going on with all the crazy and difficult adults surrounding him. Valentin befriends them all, though, from the local doctor to the lonely musician across the street to his absent father's ex-girlfriends, and each of the bummed-out adults come under his spell, apparently infected by the adorable tyke's irresistibly upbeat sincerity. There are some nice moments here and bits and pieces of charming local color, but the film doesn't add up to much. Also stars Julieta Cardinali. 1/2
WHITE CHICKS (PG-13) There's nothing funnier than a guy in a dress, right? Unless, of course, it's a black guy in a dress, trying to pass as a white girl. OK, now picture a couple of Wayans Brothers as FBI agents pretending to be a pair of Hilton Sisters clones. Is it funny yet? If your answer is "Not by a long shot," then you're just beginning to scratch the surface of this mind-numbingly dull, extended sketch featuring Marlon and Shawn Wayons impersonating a pair of bubble-headed bimbettes. The stupid and by-the-numbers humor specializes in very loud fart jokes, the in-drag shtick is way too close for comfort to that annoying (but still funnier than this movie) "Drunk Girl" character on Saturday Night Live, and the movie's attempt at a plot is almost non-existent. The only thing of interest about the film is the freakish, barely human look of the "girls" themselves, who would have made a fine addition to the remake of The Stepford Wives. Also stars Jamie King, Frankie Faison, Lochlyn Munro and John Heard.
Reviewed entries by Lance Goldenberg unless otherwise noted.
This article appears in Jul 8-14, 2004.