Reasons to watch: Super Tuesday, Villains, and #FU2016

The great screenwriter and golden-age-of-TV champion Paddy Chayefsky once said: “Television is democracy at its ugliest.” But he never watched House of Cards during the 2016 presidential primaries. February ends and March begins with a chock full of series returns including Gotham, House of Cards, Once Upon a Time, Quantico, and more. Horror network Chiller releases their first original series, Slasher — which looks scary as fuck. Sundance unveils Hap and Leonard, a redneck-style crime noir with Mad Men's Christina Hendricks. Also, animals and a TV show consisting of commercials, something I'll never be able to understand. Folks, shit fire and save matches: I've got the line-up ready for you this week. 

Monday

Gotham The Batman prequel returns after a three-month hiatus with the return of Victor Fries (Nathan Darrow and the introduction of Hugo Strange (B.D. Wong). Midseason premiere Mon., Feb. 29 at 8 p.m. on Fox.

The Voice For it’s tenth season, Miley Cyrus will be a key adviser with Adam Levine, Blake Shelton, Pharrell Williams and Christina Aguilera as the series’ coaches. The premiere will begin with a two-hour episode Mon., Feb. 29 at 8 p.m. on NBC. 

Blindspot After finding herself in Times Square naked and without a memory, Jane Doe must rely on the handy atlas of tattoos that happen to be slapped across her entire body in order to reveal her mysterious identity. The midseason premiere returns after a 14-month hiatus Mon., Feb. 29 at 10 p.m. on NBC.

Tuesday
Super Tuesday Election Night / SEC Primary The largest number of states, that also happen to be most deeply conservative, hold their presidential primaries live. States include: Alabama, Arkansas, Colorado, Georgia, Massachusetts, and Minnesota, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Vermont, Virginia, Alaska and Wyoming. Hosted live Tues., Mar. 1 on CNN. 

Wednesday Greatest Animal Commercials Countdown Lolcats and fuzzy face pet video lovers rejoice: From the people behind the Greatest Super Bowl Commercials comes a one-hour special featuring the top ten animal commercials. Because linkbait.  Wed., Mar. 2 at 8 p.m. on CW.

Rosewood Miami’s top private pathologist and bachelor Dr. Rosewood Jr. (Morris Chestnut) is back helping Miami PD Detective Villa (Jaina Lee Ortiz) solve the city’s most mysterious murders with humor and obvious sexual tension. Winter premiere returns Wed., Mar. 2 at 8 p.m. on Fox.

The Real O’Neals After their gay son comes out, an American poster family realizes they aren’t so… poster, and start getting real. Brought to you by sex advice columnist Dan Savage. Martha Plimpton (Raising Hope) stars. Catch the series premiere Wed., Mar. 2 at 8:30 p.m. on Fox.

Hap and Leonard An east Texan white boy; a gay black Vietnam vet; and an ex-wife, con-woman, femme fatale (played by Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks) with an offer they can’t refuse. A country-style twist on classic crime noir with eccentric rednecks and bloody mayhem. Series premiere airs Wed., Mar. 2 at 10 p.m. on Sundance.

Friday
Slasher A girl returns to her hometown where her parents were murdered only to fall victim to the same murderer, named the “The Executioner,”who carries out a series of murders based on the seven sins. Chiller’s first original series looked scary AF. Series premiere Fri. Mar. 4 at 9 p.m. on Chiller. 

House of Cards Between Bernie, Hillary, Trump, Cruz, and the current presidential race, it’s clear that there is only one choice: Frank Underwood. #FU2016. Season four premieres Fri., Mar. 4 at 12:01 a.m. on Netflix. 

Sunday
Once Upon a Time The Storeybrooke heroes are going to hell (all puns intended). In the fairy tale drama set in Storybrooke, Maine, Snow White, Emma Swan/ Dark Swan, Prince Charming, King Arthur, Peter Pan and the rest of the gang travel to the underworld to rescue Hook and face off with the evil Hades (Ally McBeal’s Greg Germann). Returns Sun., Mar 6 at 8 p.m. on ABC.

I Am Cait Caitlyn changes her drivers license, considers men, finally realizes that Bruce Jenner – father of about ten kids – is dead, and unintentionally provides a platform for OTHER trans women to be heard. It’s hard not to roll your eyes every time Cait “learns about” the struggles of being transgender without having ever stepped outside of her privileged celebrity bubble. What makes the trans-program-reality-travelogue so oddly effective are her kickass trans-squad posse who, stuck on a bus with Cait, have no choice but to straighten her out (no pun intended) when it comes to her annoyingly conservative LGBTQ views. Season two premieres Sun., Mar 6 at 9 p.m. on E!

The Family An all-American politician family is threatened by the mysterious return of their dead (or so they thought) son who could possibly be the devil reincarnate, a creepy evil child, both, or none of the above. Series premiere begins Sun., Mar. 6 at 9 p.m. on ABC.

Last Man on Earth Being the last man on Earth might not be so lonely after all. The season ended with Phil Miller 2 (Bois Kodjoe) getting a makeshift appendix surgery and the real Phil Miller’s (Will Forte) astronaut brother Mike (Jason Sudeikis) attempting to land on Earth. Check out what happens Sun., Mar. 6 at 9:30 p.m. on Fox.

Quantico The best, brightest, and flawlessly photogenic FBI Quantico trainees are back and the question of who masterminded the biggest attack on New York City since 9/11 remains unsolved. Midseason premiere airs Sun., Mar. 6 at 10 p.m. on ABC.

Ying Lo writes about television for Creative Loafing. She has a blog or you can find her flunking social media @yinglo. Let her tell you how best to binge watch every Monday.

This article appears in Feb 25 – Mar 2, 2016.