Review: Blumhouse Productions and Atomic Monster’s ‘Night Swim’ drowns in its own ambition

My wife and I have a pool.

When we bought our home years ago, we envisioned creating a tropical oasis and hosting epic parties. In my mind, I envisioned a banging poolside soiree a la “Boogie Nights.” The closest I got was a July fourth cookout where me and some friends ate some gel tabs and sprawled on the deck giggling for hours, much to my better-half’s chagrin.

I also have a deep-seated, unfathomable fear of water. More than heights, which are pretty fuck-all scary, my nightmare fuel is drowning or being eaten by something bigger than me while underwater and/or especially drowning while being consumed by something bigger than me while sinking into the depths like George Clooney at the end of “The Perfect Storm.”

I share all of this as evidence to why Tampa Bay native Bryce McGuire’s “Night Swim” should terrify and unnerve me to no end.

Yet, even the premise of a haunted swimming pool makes me giggle—not gasp in fear—while typing.

And there you have it, the Achilles heel of McGuire’s second feature film.

Swimming pools just aren’t scary, no matter how hard you try. And trust me, as writer and director, McGuire really, really tries.

“Night Swim” opens in 1992 with a young girl trying to catch a mysterious toy boat that keeps appearing in the family pool.

Before you know it, Pool 1, People 0.

“Night Swim” time jumps forward to an unspecified year when ailing former professional ballplayer Ray (Wyatt Russell), his wife Eve (Kerry Condon) and their two kids make an offer on a big house with a derelict swimming pool because the ballplayer’s doctor says aquatic therapy might help his medical condition.

Sure enough, because otherwise the movie would grind to a halt, the pool’s restorative waters act as a healing elixir for Ray. A pool cleaner posits that the pool is actually connected to an underground natural spring, which everyone just says OK to and moves on. Except the family cat, which hisses every time she inches out on the diving board.

Before you know it, Pool 1, Family Pets 0.

It’s clear that McGuire has an affinity for “Jaws.” Unfortunately, for him and for us, as viewers, Ray’s pool and a giant great white shark are not synonymous when it comes to creating terror.

But still he tries.
McGuire sets up a handful of creepy underwater sequences that feel more water-logged than water-tight. Ray’s son and his daughter both have experiences with seeing and hearing creepy figures.

Meanwhile, Ray and Eve decide to host a pool party as a way to introduce themselves to their new neighborhood, and you might think that Ray has the first and only in-ground swimming pool that any of these people, young or old, have ever seen.

Seriously, people were laughing in the audience every time Ray proclaimed, ‘We have a pool!’ or ‘Let’s get in the pool!’ or ‘How about that pool?!’

OK, dude, we get it.

Of course, because it’s a movie, the daffy but lovable Realtor who sold Ray and Eve their new home finally cracks during the pool party cookout and confesses to Eve that a young child drowned in the pool.

And then almost as if on cue, something terrible happens during the pool party cookout and suddenly Ray and Eve are neighborhood pariahs despite owning that glorious in-ground pool.

Naturally, Eve starts digging, but she doesn’t have to dig very far to discover their pool has a terrible history, which immediately begs the question as to why no one bothered to Google this damn house prior to purchase.

Of course, there’s a whole lot of historical and mystical and metaphysical exposition that gets dumped on Eve, and the audience, in the third act, which in theory should make Ray’s pool all the more terrifying, but it doesn’t.

And before long, Eve is tying a garden hose around her waist and diving into an impossibly deep stretch of water in her backyard that…just…you know what, maybe it’s best that you see for yourself, or not, which is probably the better option.

Sadly, the scariest thing about McGuire’s movie is that both Blumhouse Productions and Atomic Monster co-produced this flick, which should immediately remind you that Jason Blum and James Wan, respectively, just inked a deal to merge their respective horror-movie-making studios, which should immediately terrify you to consider whether “Night Swim” is an indication of their combined creative output to come.

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