What once delighted us can sometimes, years later, make us cringe. Whereas things that we previously found insufferable can inexplicably generate a sense of warmth and comfort.
For instance, did we really need a fifth “Die Hard” movie? Wouldn’t it have been a much better sendoff for John McClane if he had saved the world at the end of 2007’s far superior “Live Free or Die Hard,” and gone into retirement?
Similarly, are there really people who might lose sleep if the “Fast and Furious” franchise suddenly stopped spawning sequels at 10 core films and one spin-off, instead of delivering on the threat of a second spin-off along with two more core movies? That will be 14 films total, for those counting at home.
That’s just 11 shy of the total number of James Bond films previously released, and they finally, finally, killed off the sumbitch in 2021’s “No Time to Die,” which should rank as one of the franchise’s best outings.
Which brings us to “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny,” the fifth, and presumably final, movie in the 42-year-old franchise that thankfully has more highs than lows.
It’s hard to overlook that lone low, though, which would be 2008’s “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” one of the most ridiculous and unnecessary sequels ever lensed and possibly the worst film of Steven Spielberg’s ouvre, which is saying something when stacked up against “Always.”
For starters, Harrison Ford felt old in “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.” And that was 15 years ago. Now, he’s 80 years old in real life.
Which means “Dial of Destiny” packs a lot of septuagenarian humor, most of which feels redundant and far less funny than having to look up how to spell “septuagenarian.”
When “Dial of Destiny” was first announced, once everyone got done groaning and making a bunch of insensitive and ageist comments online, the lone bright spot seemed to be James Mangold behind the camera. After all, Mangold somehow rescued the entire legacy of Marvel’s Wolverine character by delivering 2017’s “Logan,” a masterful denouement that managed to elevate comic book movies to high art, wash away the stink of “X-Men Origins: Wolverine,” and significantly improve on Mangold’s own “The Wolverine.”
And yet Mangold isn’t the glue that holds “Dial of Destiny” together.
Surprisingly, it’s Ford that brings the feels and helps take you back in time to 1983 and his very first adventure with the Lost Ark.
Trust me, I went into this highly skeptical, and I was fully prepared to shit on unicorns and make babies cry, especially when “Dial of Destiny” opened near the end of World War II, which meant Mangold had to use computer wizardry to de-age Ford back to his 30s.
But a funny thing happened, and I’m not just talking about the single sentence in “Dial of Destiny” where they manage to kill off Shia LaBeouf’s Mutt Williams, all but striking “Crystal Skull” from franchise canon.
It turns out a digitally younger Ford is just as good as a curmudgeonly Ford, especially when the opening sequence involves Nazis, the Spear of Leonidas, a runaway train and a bunch of explosions before time-jumping to 1969 and Indy’s retirement party as a college professor.
“Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” plays with nostalgia in a way that feels both required (Marion Ravenwood gets mentioned, a lot) and unexpected.
There’s a motorized cart chase about 45 minutes in, after Indy arrives in Tangier, Morocco, that slowly but firmly reminds you of the mining car sequence from “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom,” even if it fails to rise to that dizzying level of filmmaking expertise.
Speaking of “Temple of Doom,” instead of Short Round (Ke Huy Quan) we get Teddy (Ethann Isidore), which isn’t an even trade but at least doesn’t feel like a terrible swap.
Instead of snakes, “Dial of Destiny” introduces deep sea eels to plague our hero and dance on his primal fear.
Instead of an ancient Knight Templar protecting the Holy Grail in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,” Mangold has Jones bartering with a fabled Greek mathematician.
Instead of adventuring with his ‘is he/isn’t he’ son in “Crystal Skull,” Jones has to navigate the globe with his goddaughter Helena (Phoebe Waller-Bridge, an odd choice for a role that’s thankfully not off-putting).
Some of the bits and callbacks and Easter eggs work better than others, but none of them derail this final adventure from being ultimately entertaining, if not wholly satisfying.
What’s missing, what’s been missing in every big screen outing since “Last Crusade,” is an emotional underpinning.
If given my druthers, I wish Mangold had gone full-“Logan” and killed off Indiana Jones for good but in spectacular fashion.
At the least, I gladly would have sacrificed the bulk of third act of “Dial of Destiny,” which honestly doesn’t do anything because it’s a self-contained MacGuffin, for a quiet closing section with Marion (Karen Allen) sitting beside Indy’s hospice bed, holding his hand and softly chuckling about the crazy times they once shared.
Like I said, nostalgia can be a curious and tricky thing. Especially the older we get.
The more we revisit things from our past, the more we just want to see them off properly with a sense of closure and appreciation.
This article appears in Jun 29 – Jul 5, 2023.