Adventure Island it’s not, and that’s OK by me. The new Splash Harbour Water Park isn’t the biggest or the tallest or — thankfully — the loudest, but that’s the best part: it’s not a theme park. It’s a water park, and it’s locally owned by Jeff Keierleber, the man behind Jimmy Guana’s.
We arrive by boat — try that at Adventure Island — and head for the water slides. Granted, right now there are only two, but they’re faster than I thought, even the one that isn’t supposed to be fast.
I’m not what you’d call a fan of “heights” or “plummeting to my death from aforementioned heights,” so by when I reach the top of the slide, I’m ready to go back down, and quickly. The Rowdies-colored tube obliges; I’m not prepared for the speed or the utter slip-and-slide-y-ness of it. The other slide boasts Lightning colors and is, as Jeff puts it, “the dark and scary one.” The Rowdies tube shoots me out, laughing and pulling up my bathing suit bottoms, and dumps me directly into the lazy river.
After that? A float down the river while I take in a postmodern octopus grabbing pirate booty. There’s a zero-depth entry pool, a kiddie area and, of course, those luscious slides. And when I’m done in the water — although I can’t imagine I’ll ever be done in the water — there’s a bar and a snack shack where I can bury myself in rum, lemonade, funnel cake or all three, if the mood strikes me.
Splash Harbour was almost two decades in the making. Now, though, the park is open for business, with plans to expand the slides. And, while it isn’t a massive park, there’s more on property than I expected. Bonus: When you arrive by boat, you get a nice boardwalk stroll through the mangroves to get up to the park.
As part of the Holiday Inn Harbourside (or, to those of us who’ve lived here a while, the old Hamlin’s Landing), the water park adjoins a hotel set to accommodate a weekend getaway as easily as it does out-of-town visitors. Too stormy for the waterslide? No worries, there’s an 18-hole mini golf course under the hotel atrium and a separate game room (Skee Ball, anyone?). Of course, there’s the requisite Jimmy Guana’s on property, so if sippin’ in the shade’s more your summer vibe, well, go right ahead.
Water slides aren’t traditionally my thing. For me, the appeal is in the water, any water, but I won’t deny the mini-theme-park-on-the-water concept has sex appeal, too.
One, it’s brilliant — why don’t we have something like this at the beach already? — and two, it’s fun. Not “week in the Caribbean” fun or “camping in Ocala National Forest” fun, but the kind of fun I had when I was a teenager and Adventure Island didn’t have half the stuff it does now.
We went there anyway, my friends and I. We didn’t go because it was the biggest or the tallest, but because we were kids and didn’t have deadlines or kids or in-laws. We had fun, Florida-style: sunshine and water and maybe a little sunburn.
Isn’t that what summer’s all about?
This article appears in May 26 – Jun 2, 2016.