Ah, summer: Stifling temperatures, huge thunderstorms and rampaging mosquitoes sucking all the hemoglobin out of the Bay area. It's enough to drive you indoors until Halloween. Good thing Hollywood breaks out the big guns for the blockbuster summer movie season, making this a perfect time to hit the multiplex.
Like most years, 2009's summer slate is heavy on sequels (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen), reboots (Star Trek), kiddie fare (Up) and comedies (Funny People). Female cinephiles can take heart: It's not all about the boys this year. After the success of last year's Sex and the City and Mamma Mia!, Tinseltown is serving up a slew of female-friendly fare in 2009, starring the likes of Sandra Bullock, Katherine Heigl, Cameron Diaz and Meryl Streep.
In the following pages, we separate the Potter from the Pelham to help you figure out what's worth plunking down your hard-earned cash for. And what you see before you is just scratching the summer-movie surface. Go online to cltampa.com/movies for even more info, reviews and previews of these summer releases and dozens more.
MAY 8
Box Office Gold: Star Trek
Worth Seeing? See Joe Bardi's review here.
Counter-programming: Star Trek's black hole-like pull has left few other releases on the schedule this weekend. As it stands, your options are Love N Dancing, a chick flick starring Amy Smart as a dance teacher who takes her student to the top of the dance world in an effort to spite her neglectful husband (Billy Zane, of course), and Next Day Air, a harder-edged version of Half-Baked starring Donald Faison and Mos Def.
MAY 15
Box Office Gold: Angels & Demons
Worth Seeing? Tom Hanks and director Ron Howard return to Da Vinci Code territory with this adaptation of author Dan Brown's first book, a prequel of sorts to Da Vinci. This one's aimed squarely at a more mature audience, as the under-25 crowd is probably going to find Star Trek or several of May 22nd's offerings far preferable to Forrest Gump sorting out the mysteries of the Bible. If you're a Da Vinci Code fan, however, this is a can't-miss proposition.
Counter-programming: The Tampa Theatre scores with Little Ashes, the story of the 1922 meeting of Salvador Dalí, playwright Federico García Lorca and director Luis Buñuel in Madrid. Dalí and Lorca ended up having a deep friendship — a friendship portrayed in the film as more than just palling around at the bullfights. The historians disagree on whether or not the pair went all the way, though Wikipedia points to yes so it must be true. The film was directed by noted documentary filmmaker Paul Morrison and stars Twilight heartthrob Robert Pattinson as Dalí, giving Ashes maybe just enough star wattage to cut through the summer clutter. Maybe.
MAY 22
Box Office Gold: Terminator Salvation
Worth seeing? If only to finally see the film Christian Bale was shooting when he was caught on tape ranting his fucking head off at the director of photography. This Ahnold-less (mostly) re-boot from director McG picks up mankind's war against the machines post-Judgment Day, with the robots firmly in control and the scrappy humans fighting for survival. Bale takes over the John Conner role last played by Nick Stahl in the disappointing Terminator 3, and Salvation will need a little of his Dark Knight box office mojo if the Terminator franchise has any hope of a future. The previews flash incredible special effects, and the teen-friendly PG-13 rating won't hurt the box office either. I just can't quite buy the director of Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle as filling the egotastic shoes of series-creator James Cameron. I'm willing to be convinced, though.
Counter-programming: Dig Terminator's effects, but find the grim vision of the future is harshing your mellow? Check out Ben Stiller in Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, a sequel that promises to bring the incredible D.C. museum's 136 million-item collection to life through the CGI wizardry of Industrial Light and Magic. If you've ever seen the Smithsonian's collection of rocket ships and warplanes, you already get the possibilities. Amy Adams is on board for the second go-around, as are Robin Williams, Christopher Guest, Owen Wilson and Dick Van Dyke.
MAY 29
Box Office Gold: Up
Worth seeing? You're going to skip Pixar's follow-up to WALL-E? The plot is simple: An old coot ties thousands of brilliantly animated balloons to his house and takes off for adventure with a stowaway Boy Scout on board. The directors — Pete Docter, the director of Monsters, Inc., and Bob Peterson, the writer of Finding Nemo — are two Pixar vets who could pull this off in their sleep. To top it off, Up has already passed the snooty French smell-test by being selected to open the Cannes Film Festival, the first time an animated film has enjoyed the time slot. Up should finish in the top three at the summer box office.
Counter-programming: Up's brand of cute and cuddly Disney fun isn't your bag? Check out Drag Me to Hell instead. Director Sam Raimi (Spider-Man) returns to his horror movie roots with this tale of a loan officer (Alison Lohman) who is seriously cursed after she forecloses on an old lady with a creepy eye. A warning to those hoping Hell matches the low-fi brilliance of Raimi's Evil Dead movies: The preview is as glossy as it gets.
JUNE 5
Box Office Gold: Land of the Lost
Worth seeing? Yes, especially if you fondly remember catching episodes of the early '70s TV version of Land of the Lost produced by puppet-masters Sid and Marty Krofft. The show was ambitious in scope but low in budget, while the big-screen edition sports a name-brand star (Will Ferrell), experienced director (Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events' Brad Silberling) and mountains of pricy CGI. Despite the glossy exterior, the most endearing elements of the TV show — rampaging dinosaurs, monkey people, the alien-looking Sleestaks, even the white-water rafting intro — seem to have made it into the movie. With much of the draw of the 1970s TV show wrapped up in its no-budget production values, it'll be interesting to see if this high-tech reboot manages to retain the charm of the original. Counter-programming: If Land of the Lost is a little too goofy or kid-targeted for your sensibilities, there's also Nia Vardalos, Richard Dreyfuss and Rachel Dratch in the set-in-Greece romantic comedy My Life in Ruins. If that's not bangin' your baklava, perhaps you'll like The Hangover, the latest from Road Trip director Todd Philips which follows three guys retracing their steps after a Vegas bachelor party gone wrong ends with the groom M.I.A.
JUNE 12
Box Office Gold: The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
Worth seeing? Perhaps. Pelham is a remake of a well-liked 1974 thriller about a band of criminals who take a New York subway train hostage. Denzel Washington plays the transit cop who negotiates with the bad guys, led by John Travolta, and Tony Scott (Top Gun, Days of Thunder) takes on directing duties. And therein lies the rub. Denzel is good in anything, but neither Travolta nor Scott has done anything of late to merit hope. The underlying material is solid, though. Bonus factoid: In the original, the criminals are all named after a color — a conceit later lifted by Quentin Tarantino in Reservior Dogs. [Ed. note: I originally called Pelham a "comedy-thriller." After much protest by account exec Ham Gravy, I have amended that to just "thriller." Hopefully, he will now allow me to live out my remaining days in peace.]
Counter-programming: Instead of Pelham's high-octane suspense, try a dose of fantasy in Nowhereland. Eddie Murphy stars as a high-finance guy who goes looking for answers in an imaginary world created by his daughter. If Nowhereland isn't the opposite of a claustrophobic subway hostage movie, I don't know what is.
JUNE 19
Box office gold: Year One
Worth seeing? Harold Ramis directed three of the funniest movies ever made (Caddyshack, National Lampoon's Vacation and Groundhog Day), but since 2002 his output has been limited to the John Cusack sleeper The Ice Harvest and some episodes of The Office. Can he recapture the magic? Year One stars Jack Black and Michael Cera as primitive outcasts who go on a biblical-era road trip after being cast out of their village. Seems like a bunch of hooey to me, but there's no denying the people involved are (or used to be) funny.
Counter-programming: Not into stupid comedies about modern man's dopiest ancestors? Try a romantic comedy instead. The Proposal stars Sandra Bullock as a cast-iron-bitch businesswoman and Ryan Reynolds as her hen-pecked assistant. When Bullock's immigration status comes into question, she decides to marry Reynolds to stay in the country. One minor inconvenience: The pair hate each other.
JUNE 24
Box Office Gold: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Worth seeing? Not particularly, but you will anyway. The first Transformers flick was a noisy, jarring mess that made a bazillion bucks at the box office. Sequel time! Original stars Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox are back, along with Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Megatron and the rest of the shape-shifting robots. Director Michael Bay returns as well, blowing up aircraft carriers, army bases, even the fucking pyramids in the process. I have read that Revenge of the Fallen is "darker" than its predecessor, which means whatever speck of joy the first film contained will have been thoroughly stamped out this time around. Still, Fallen is guaranteed to be a top-five box office finisher.
Counter-programming: Transformers too juvenile for your tastes? You'll have to wait until Fri., June 26, when serious arrives in spades with My Sister's Keeper. The latest from director Nick Cassavettes focuses on a kid (Abigail Breslin) suing to be emancipated from her parents (Cameron Diaz and Jason Patric). The reason? The parents conceived the kid to be a bone marrow donor for their other daughter, a life-long leukemia patient, and the kid is sick of existing as spare parts for her older sister. Kind of makes me want to see Transformers.
JULY 1
Box Office Gold: Public Enemies
Worth seeing? That depends how much you enjoy dudes in period costume chasing and shooting at one another. Enemies is the latest project from director Michael Mann, the creative force behind Miami Vice (both the TV and film versions), the original Hannibal Lecter flick Manhunter, and the Pacino/Deniro face-off opus Heat. Mann excels at stories of crooks and criminals, and Enemies — a re-telling of bank robber John Dillinger's populist rabble-rousing reign of terror — should be right in his wheelhouse. It also doesn't hurt to have Johnny Depp playing Dillinger, Billy Crudup as J. Edgar Hoover and Christian Bale as FBI top-cop Melvin Purvis. Mann's ambitions can sometimes weigh down his kinetic shooting style (I mean, Heat's great, but three hours? Really?), but there is no doubt that all the 1930s period details, car chases and shoot-outs will be startlingly rendered. If all goes right, this could be the best movie of the summer.
Counter-programming: A period piece about violent gangsters not appropriate for your family's weekend outing? Never fear, everyone's favorite prehistoric explorers are back for Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. Picking up where the original left off, Dawn of the Dinos follows the continued adventures of Manny, Scrat and the rest of the thawed-out critters. The famous voices behind the scenes include Simon Pegg, Seann William Scott, John Leguizamo, Denis Leary, Queen Latifah and Ray Romano.
JULY 10
Box Office Gold: Bruno
Worth seeing? For his last big-screen outing, 2006's Borat, British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen laid waste to George W. Bush's America — hilariously ruining rodeos, business conferences and a Pam Anderson book signing in the process. Cohen has gone back to the Ali G Show wellspring from which Borat emerged to find his next character, flaming gay Austrian fashionista Bruno. Early buzz has Cohen replicating his Borat schtick, sending Bruno to interact with unsuspecting bystanders who aren't in on the joke. This time around, that means talking Sex and the City and tent-snuggling with homophobic rednecks, crashing the catwalk at actual runway shows and even dropping trou in front of Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul. If it's all half as funny as Borat, the producers will laugh all the way to the bank.
Counter-programming: Mountains of man-ass and potty jokes a turn off? Instead, see I Love You, Beth Cooper. The latest from director Chris Columbus (the first few Harry Potter flicks), Cooper stars Paul Rust as a nerdy kid who declares his love for the hottest girl in school (Hayden Panettiere) during his valedictory speech. The speech works, and hottie Beth soon decides to show her dorky suitor the night of his life. Ah, fantasy.
JULY 15
Box Office Gold: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Worth seeing? It doesn't matter. At this point you've spent so much time reading the books and seeing the other movies that not catching Half-Blood Prince is akin to letting yourself down. This entry into the Potter series (the sixth of seven) was originally slated for a November 2008 release by Warner Bros., but after the studio hit the jackpot with The Dark Knight, the bean-counters decided to push the lucrative boy wizard onto 2009's balance sheet. Fans of the series can expect a mostly faithful adaptation of J.K. Rowling's book, though they apparently mucked with the ending a bit. The Internet is abuzz with reports that about 25 minutes of the film will be in 3D IMAX, though at press time that was unconfirmed. No matter. They could have shot Half-Blood Prince in 1D and it would still be the favorite to claim the summer box-office crown.
Counter-programming: The wizard Harry is so powerful that no other film dare challenge him.
JULY 24
Box Office Gold: The Ugly Truth
Worth seeing? Probably. Truth stars TV diva Katherine Heigl as a morning show producer who is terrible at dating. (In the previews, she whips out a background check on a guy during their first date.) Back at work, a new correspondent (Gerard Butler) joins the team; too bad he's an insufferable pig of a man who drives Heigl nuts. The pair strike a deal: If Butler's crass advice about what men want can't help Heigl land her dream guy, he'll quit the show. Thus begins a strange take on Cyrano De Bergerac, where Butler's ugliness is all in his personality. Robert Luketic (Legally Blond, Monster-In-Law) directs.
Counter-programming: I read over a hundred film synopses in putting together this summer movie preview, but none made me smile quite like the IMDB.com write-up on G-Force: "A specially trained squad of guinea pigs is dispatched to stop a diabolical billionaire from taking over the world." I should point out that G-Force is animated and features the vocal stylings of Nicolas Cage, Will Arnett, Penélope Cruz and Tracy Morgan (among others).
JULY 31
Box Office Gold: Funny People
Worth seeing? A new Judd Apatow-directed flick is an event. The guy has his name on so many projects as a producer it's easy to forget that Funny People is only the third film he's personally directed. So, expectations are high for this one — which is to be expected when your first two films are as good as The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up. Funny People stars Adam Sandler as an experienced comedian who finds out he's got a terminal disease. In the face of his own mortality, the comedian decides to take a newbie (Seth Rogen) under his wing and impart some some wisdom. Comedians Sarah Silverman, Andy Dick and Dave Attell play themselves.
Counter-programming: If a dying comedian doesn't sound like a rollicking good time at the movies, try the more kid-friendly They Came from Upstairs. Starring Ashley Tisdale (High School Musical), and SNL alums Tim Meadows and Kevin Nealon, Upstairs features a marauding band of animated aliens tormenting the inhabitants of a summer home in Maine. Upstairs is directed by John Schultz (The Honeymooners) and written by Wallace & Gromit funnyman Mark Burton, meaning the aliens will probably turn out more clever than man-eating.
AUGUST 7
Box Office Gold: G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra
Worth seeing? Only if you were a fan of the animated '80s TV version, and even then it's questionable. The long-awaited film adaptation took a huge hit in the geek-cred department when it was revealed that "real American hero" Joe would be re-booted as some kind of NATO-esque international fighting force and arch-enemy Cobra would become an organized crime syndicate led by a Scottish arms dealer. Lame! The film is reported to have undergone substantial revisions since those early details leaked out, but let's be honest; if G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra worked as a big-budget summer blockbuster, it would have been released in June or July. August is where big-budget actioners go to die.
Counter-programming: Possibly the best counter-programming of the summer, Julie & Julia stars Meryl Streep (great in everything!) as famed TV chef Julia Child and Amy Adams as a present-day amateur chef who attempts to cook every single recipe in Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking. If Streep's presence alone isn't enough to sway you, note the film was written and directed by Nora Ephron (Sleepless in Seattle) and the Child segments are based on her own memoir, My Life in France, which she penned with grand nephew Alex Prud'homme.
AUGUST 14
Box Office Gold: The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
Worth seeing? That depends: Did you get your Will Ferrell fix from Land of the Lost or are you hungry for more? For The Goods, Ferrell stars as a used-car salesman called in by a failing dealership to turn their Fourth of July sale into a cash bonanza. The film is the directing debut of Neal Brennan, who has worked for years as Dave Chappelle's main collaborator, co-writing Half-Baked and directing about a dozen episodes of the stellar Chappelle Show. And hey, Jeremy Piven even laid off the sushi long enough to costar.
Counter-programming: Director Ang Lee (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) explores American cultural mythology with Taking Woodstock, an adaption of Elliot Tiber's memoir about being a key (if unexpected) player in the events that led to the staging of 1969's Woodstock Music and Arts Festival. Comedy Central funny-man Demetri Martin stars.
AUGUST 21
Box Office Gold: Inglourious Basterds
Worth seeing? Pretty much the only big August release worth marking your calendar for, Inglourious Basterds stars Brad Pitt as the leader of a squad of Jewish-American soldiers in WWII-occupied France tasked with the sole mission of scalping as many Nazis as they can get their bloody hands on. Interesting premise on its face, but add writer/director Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill) to the mix and this graduates to must-see programming. Rumors are the film is long, gory, profane and has a (gasp!) female as the main character. Basterds is in competition at Cannes, and if Tarantino takes home his second Palme d'Or, expect the hype to go off the charts.
Counter-programming: Though there is only a slim chance this next film will open in the Bay area on Aug. 21, I still have to hip you to It Might Get Loud, a documentary about the electric guitar that centers on three amazing players: Led Zeppelin's Jimmy Page, U2's The Edge and The White Stripes' Jack White. Not your average summer programming, but if you're not sick of car chases and explosions by this point, there may be no hope for you anyway.
AUGUST 28
Box Office Gold: H2: Halloween 2
Worth seeing? With October 31 still two months away, isn't H2 launching a bit prematurely? The hype here is that series villain Michael Myers will spend the majority of the film sans mask, a marked departure for a series that made a William Shatner Halloween costume painted white into a horror movie icon. But isn't trouble around the corner when the most interesting thing about a flick is the main character's lack of a costume?
Counter-programming: Go outside, run around, maybe go for a swim. Anything but see another movie. Repeat for the next few weeks. You're going to need the rest. After all, the jam-packed fall/holiday movie season is right around the corner.
All release dates subject to change. The author used many sources in compiling this list, but leaned most-heavily on movieweb.com and IMDB.com for dates/information.
This article appears in May 6-12, 2009.