Whatever gets you off: The "Stimulus Package" of two Tampa authors

[image-1]Our Stimulus Package splices together promotional material for the book; a list of their Facebook friends; details about where the women are while writing each section; autobiographical info about their lives, families and struggles; and the meat of the manuscript — friend's tales of dates gone wrong. You’ve undoubtedly heard most of these stories in some form from your own friends: the guy who randomly whips out his excessive dick as a means of seduction, the guy with a thumb-sized prick that the woman can't feel while fucking, and the couple who accidentally picks up a pair of friendly swingers.


For the most part these tales are told in the same language in which they were emailed or orated. While I'm sure these women (all of whom are given super-heroine names) have vibrant personalities, on the page they speak in identical monotones.


But many readers may find these raw stories — told free of an imposed voice, morality or conventional story structure — refreshing. One tale describes a woman waking up in an empty child’s bedroom and catching a taxi to a friend's house. Another tells of a woman who kisses a mentally handicapped man, making her feel "like [she] extended his lifespan by about 15 years,” then shares his repeated voice mails with her friends.


While some men enjoy reading Penthouse Forum confessionals that prove women are just as perverse as men, these stories aren't of that variety. This isn't to say that men can't learn something from Our Stimulus Package. It betters our understanding of how to simulate a woman’s idea of romance. It also confirms our suspicions that while women judge men based on our cars and penis sizes, they will still give us a sympathy fuck.


These aren’t exotic stories of fetishists, escorts, harem members, transgendered lovers or groupies who enjoy water sports. Nor does this book explore the complexities of feminism or sexuality. It’s a tame, light, sunbathing, girl-power, chick-lit read as told by women swapping disaster date stories over apple martinis and non-fat mocha lattes.


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and email him if interested in writing about Sex and Love.

Someone lied to Julia Silva-Rettig and Kirsten Becker, authors of Our Stimulus Package. Publishing a book is probably the worst thing you can do to combat a shitty economy. Most authors don't even make enough money to pay for their book tours. Then again, these Tampa women aren't like other writers. Like Twilight's Stephenie Meyer, they don’t need original stories or a background in writing to sell books. They are beautiful saleswomen loaded with charisma, networking skills, financial backers and optimism. While their launch party was the first I've ever attended that didn't feature a reading, it was also the most attended; over 100 professionals packed the Tampa Museum of Art buying books like cocktails.

Tell me if this sounds familiar. After sipping a few drinks and swapping dating disaster stories, someone says, "We should so write a book about this." These women actually wrote that book.

After both were laid off from commercial real estate jobs while dealing with custody battles, Silvia had the revelation, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” She promptly wrote this in her journal, bought copies of the  self-help book The Secret for herself and Becker, and vowed to write the book they had talked about forever. If you find this anecdote compelling, you'll love the rest of the book.

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