You win, workweek. You just do. It's been a full moon week, with nutters everywhere. I fought the good fight on Monday; I stayed in the trenches through Wednesday, but by Thursday I started to feel some serious battle fatigue.
And so I retreat, waving my white flag, glancing about anxiously for a safe house, mixing metaphors faster than a celebrity bartender mixes drinks. I'm kicking off my spiky pink hombre Jessica Simpson "Josette" heels before I drive the spike of one of the heels through the eye socket of the next idiot who speaks to me.
Here's what we could do instead. Join me, will you, Loafers?
After-work wind down at St. Petersburg's Bodega, perhaps with a bottle of Medallia and a heaping plate of lechon, which is the fancy Cuban way of saying "slow-roasted mojo pork with grilled onions." OK, maybe I said it the fancy way.
And, if it isn't (OK, even if it is), head to the Vinoy Verandah for one of those Palm Ridge Manhattans we mention in this week's Sipping the South issue. I love the Verandah for its comfy couches and heaters, and as I watch the lights on Tampa Bay, Monday seems like a bad dream, or maybe someone else's twisted idea of Paradise.
Hey, look: We made it to Saturday, where it's puppy-and-beer-and-maybe-the-odd-pig-or-goat day. I'm so not kidding. At Gulfport's Get Rescued you can see every adoptable animal in a many-county area and start the process of adopting one of your own. Gulfport's mayor has a Get Rescued dog, because I think in Gulfport it may be the law you must own at least one rescued animal to hold public office. Seriously, what's cool about Get Rescued is they don't charge the animal rescues for booth space, but they do charge the other vendors — and then they give the money to the rescues at the end of the day. At Get Rescued, Best of the Bay winner Gulfport Neighbors Gulfport Neighbors (assisted by our own contributor Arin Greenwood, who also writes for Bark Box) will unveil their People n' Pets Project, which will establish a emergency fund (feel free to give a donation) and emergency animal care assistance — for example, if someone breaks their leg and can't walk their goat or dog, volunteers will help out.
Next on tap? Meet the Brewers at the CL Space, perhaps the coolest thing in Ybor (because, duh, we're there, and we're awesome. Also, there are rumors of a cat ghost in our old building, a former cigar factory.) For $35-$80 you get beer (and some food, with the VIP tickets, and more beer.) My sources (the woman on the other side of my "office" "wall", who is mostly disembodied voice to me) assures me there won't crazy long lines and asks that I mention this is not your average beer fest. Since she has to deal with me on Monday if she's wrong, and I'm no party when I'm pissed, I'd say she's not lying.
Did you fill up on pork bombs at Meet the Brewers and forget to eat dinner? Never fear, Taco Bus is here. Right here, at USF. Order an El Jefe. We won't tell.
Sunday comes way too fast, but we're not quite ready to think about going back into the trenches. Instead, head to Dunedin, where a new restaurant, The Honu, looks promising. Check it out for brunch, lunch, drunch, or dinner. Make time, too, to take in the Samuel Bak exhibit at the Florida Holocaust Museum, where a retrospective of Bak's 70-year career includes the raw stuff from his early life in a Vilna work camp and in the years following the end of the war, but also his later works, painted in brilliant colors and with Bak's own quirky sense of humor lurking in the details.
Next up? Well, don't think of it as a Monday. Think of it as another week where you prove to the world you're not going to kill all the assholes.
This article appears in Feb 25 – Mar 2, 2016.