The Vans Warped Tour took over the St. Pete waterfront for its annual showcase of sweaty, bubblegum punk and more at Vinoy Park last Sunday.
And I couldn't feel any more sad, or old, or jaded after attending.
Under the blistering summer heat, bands clad in more black, worn denim than a Hell's Angels reunion sang really awful songs about weirdly-obsessive romantic yearning and first world angst from a multitude of MONSTER, KIA, and other corporate-backed stages.
From the rainbow-haired Blood on the Dance Floor (hardcore, right?) to Tallahassee's own Mayday Parade, New Found Glory, Taking Back Sunday, and others, the soul-deadening state of "punk" today couldn't have been flaunted more egregiously than at this thing.
There's the Kia stage with the company's newest subcompact raised like a golden calf next to the stage. There's the bands shilling a whole Hot-Topic's worth of $20 shirts from their monstrous merch tents, both of which harder-working, insanely-poorer bands would probably sleep under if they had to. And, an assortment of overpriced, artery-clogging treats that no self-respecting person should ever eat shirtless in the hot sun (but still did, anyway).
Nostalgically singing along to Taking Back Sunday's "Cute Without the E" or New Found Glory's "Hit or Miss," and recalling a chubby, awkward past, was kind of fun but not nearly enough to justify a full day at the corporate-punk sauna and terribly shallow music festival.
At 24, I'm breaching the outer boundaries of Warped Tour's target demographic, so all this is probably me being all curmudgeonly and youthfully unfulfilled.
But, let's be real — all two of you who can't legally buy cigarettes who are reading this: you can do better. Avoid a regrettable musical past, dig through your dad's record crate, ditch these whiny diary entries they call music, do something. There's another way, a better way, and it won't leave you ranting on grossly unfulfilling music festivals in your mid-20s.
