Hillsborough County Sheriff Chad Chronister at Tampa Pride in Ybor City, Florida on March 25, 2023. — Last night, Hillsborough County Sheriff Chad Chronister at the 2023 Pride Parade in Ybor City. Credit: Dave Decker / Creative Loafing Tampa Bay

Last night, Hillsborough County Sheriff Chad Chronister went to social media to formally decline president-elect Donald Trump’s nomination to run the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration.

“Over the past several days, as the gravity of this very important responsibility set in, I’ve concluded that I must respectfully withdraw from consideration,” said Chronister on Twitter.

Since Chronister didn’t elaborate on exactly why or how he came to this decision, and neither did the Trump transition team, here are the 10 most likely reasons he turned down the position:

1. Chad has been attempting to decline the job for days but the Botox made it too difficult to move his face

2. Only Trump is allowed to put his name on everything at the taxpayers’ expense

3. Chad would miss bumping his stats with monthly “human trafficking” stings that are mostly just consensual sex round-ups

4. Official background checks discovered his “Be a Bad Ass With a Good Ass” sign in his home gym

5. It’s way more fun to use the helicopter to chase poor people who steal from Walmart than it is a cartel member

6. Chad’s rich father-in-law didn’t want to pay for the eventual lawsuits that come with being in the Trump administration

7. The incoming HCSO replacement refused to change their name to “Chad Chronister” in order to save the county billions in rebranding

8. Chad realized that the real “war on drugs” would involve fighting pharmaceutical companies, which is way harder than fighting Mexican drug cartels

9. Didn’t have enough endorsements from InfoWars contributors

10. Trump suddenly remembered Grady Judd

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