Why should the CL staff have all the fun? Next time you hit Adventure Island, use these handy guidelines to turn your placid amusement-park outing into a battle at sea.
Equipment
• Stopwatch
• Swimsuits (firmly secured)
• Medals (fake gold coins, like the ones you can find in bars on St. Paddy's Day)
• Scorecards
• Judges (innocent bystanders preferable, as long as they're not Albanian)
• Camera
Opening Ceremony and Parade of Athletes
Gather family and friends at the lockers to change into national swim costumes. March en masse to Gulf Scream while singing (badly) some version of the Olympic anthem.
Gulf Scream Waterslide Time Trials
Contestants hurtle down the waterslide one by one using the right-hand lane (it's faster). Judge records times with stopwatch; fastest two times return later for finals. (Adventure Island lifeguard Kevin Antunes has this piece of advice for first-timers: "Keep your legs closed.")
Paradise Lagoon Rope Walk Race
Contestants traverse the pool by using their hands (grabbing onto overhead rope netting) and their feet (walking across a row of rubber floats). Judge records fastest time with stopwatch.
Paradise Lagoon Cannonball Contest
Contestants judged in three criteria: height of jump, form and (most of all) splash. Judges will present scores from 1-10.
Riptide Four-Lane Mat Slide Sprint
Four at a time, contestants take to the mats and dive headfirst into a tube and down a waterslide. (Hint from Shallow Water Guard Meimei Rosita: Start with "a jumping move.")
Rambling Bayou Motionless Float Marathon
Contestants grab inner tubes and float one lap around the Bayou. No paddling, kicking, pushing off the wall or other motions allowed. You can, however, blow on the water if you like. First one to cross finish line wins.
Gulf Scream Waterslide Finals
The two with the best times in the trials square off in a race to the finish. Encourage contenders to go mano a mano, HBO-style: Boxers-As-Dueling-Gladiators-In-The-Fight-That-Will-Make-History stuff.
Closing Ceremony
Proceed, in triumph or defeat, to the parking lot.
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This article appears in May 9-15, 2007.