While at Barnes & Noble last week, I thumbed through a few books that deal with fooling your kids into eating their vegetables. The most famous (or infamous, depending on your point of view) is Deceptively Delicious, by Jessica Seinfeld (yeah, Jerry's wife). She's waging a personal war against things like Twinkies, Cheetos, Ramen and processed cheese — mighty foods that helped me get through painful breakups and late-night cramming sessions in college, not to mention the entire third trimester of pregnancy. Her recipes include such atrocities as Carrot and Spinach Brownies, Cauliflower Banana Bread and Broccoli Gingerbread. Gag me with an asparagus spear.
Do you even know how many Flaxseed Chicken Nuggets my kids can slingshot across the room with one hand tied behind their backs? The long-term effect of sneaking healthy foods into your kids' meals is cultivating a poor appreciation for the taste of real vegetables. Do you want your kids to grow up confused over what mashed potatoes really taste like? When school chums come over to your house for supper, they'll wonder why the hot dogs have a green tinge and smell like the wrong end of a hippo. That, my friends, leads to worse things than not eating greens: social anxiety, adult bedwetting and a plethora of disorders that require expensive medication insurance doesn't cover.
If we're going to dupe our kids into eating well, let's do it right. There are a variety of tactics that I employ in the Steamy Kitchen household, borrowed mainly from my husband's old West Point Military Academy handbook and his years as an Anthony Robbins trainer.
Bribery: "If you eat your broccoli, I'll give you an extra 50 cents for college."
Blatant Honesty: "See this picture of Uncle Jimmy? We call him 'Lard Ass.' He didn't eat tomatoes."
Hostile Negotiations: "If you don't clean your plate, I'll shock Buzz Lightyear with a cattle prod."
Exploiting Sibling Competitiveness: "If you eat your carrots, I'll love you way more than I love your brother."
Jedi Talk: "Try? There is no try. Just eat your goddamn vegetables."
Good Cop/Bad Cop: "Quick, eat two carrots. Mom's coming and she's on her sixth day of PMS!"
Injection of Guilt: "You have NO IDEA how many miles your father had to walk up the mountain, in Florida snow, carrying 50 pounds of oranges and wearing flip flops to get that tofu on your dinner plate."
The Wrath of God, Buddha or Santa: "He's watching you."
And my favorite technique of all? Funny Food Names, which make kids laugh so hard they don't notice they're eating seaweed. Furikake Broccoli!
Yes, it's a real word. Furikake is a Japanese condiment that includes dried bonito flakes, seaweed, sesame seeds and other seasonings. Find it at any Asian market. While normally used to sprinkle on steamed rice, I sprinkled it on a fresh batch of broccoli for a really cool sweet/salty hit.
This method of cooking broccoli gives you a healthy, full-flavored dish without a lot of oil. The garlic cloves toast as the olive oil heats up, resulting in a flavored oil that will coat the broccoli and golden, mild nuggets of roasted garlic.
Furikake Steamed Broccoli with Toasted Garlic
serves 4 as part of multi-course meal
1 lb broccoli spears
6 whole garlic cloves, peeled
1 tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup vegetable broth
2 tbsp furikake seasoning
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
Grab a pot that has a tight-fitting lid. Turn heat to medium, add olive oil and garlic cloves. Toss the cloves as they toast. When garlic is golden brown, add broccoli spears. Toss to coat spears evenly with the garlicky oil. Turn heat to medium-high and add vegetable broth. Immediately cover to steam for three minutes or until tender. Season with salt and pepper. Top with furikake seasoning.
Jaden Hair blogs at steamykitchen.com.
This article appears in Jan 9-15, 2008.