Sen. Gary Siplin, of Orlando, who is one of the least humble of Florida's 16 million residents, was convicted recently of the felony of using his Senate office staff to do campaign work and was earlier this month sentenced to 300 hours of community service plus three yrs' probation. This would be a setback to most people, but Siplin gloated, as in, The Man tries to keep me down, but I'm too smart. The next week, he exhibitionistically resumed his seat in Tallahassee. (Senate rules allow him to serve until his appeal is finally exhausted, which, if he plays it right, should take him into 2008.) Later that week, he was arrested for not telling his probation officer he was leaving Orlando for Tallahassee, but now the Dept. of Correction has called that a mistake. Yesterday, Siplin's judge stayed even the probation order until the appeal is exhausted, allowing Siplin a few more nyah-nyah-nyah's to the cameras at the hearing. The latest thing pending is the charge by Orange County deputies that Siplin threatened to get them fired because they wouldn't honor his demand for preferred parking at the Florida Classic football game two weeks ago. But there'll be more soon. There always is. [WFTV (Orlando)].
Follow-Up Jacksonville Naval Hospital said it is "inconceivable" that surgical instruments were used from one patient to another without sterilizing [The F State, 11-29-2006]. The denial was by the head of the hospital, a female full-bird Captain, who is not named something like Georgina or Henrietta, but Raquel Bono. [Florida Times-Union]
Floridians With Worse Sex Lives Than You Mount Dora police Lt. Roger Chilton was put on admin. leave after a transvestite prostitute named James Bronson accused him of extorting a hummer in Chilton's squad car. Now here's the editorial dilemma: Click the link, take a look at the lovely Mr. Bronson, and then try to decide which (Bronson, or he who needs Bronson) is worse off. [WFTV (Orlando)]
Your Daily Loser You can skip this one, because every newspaper in the state must have had it on page 1: Adrian Apgar is the 45-yr-old who decided to wade into Lake Parker (in Lakeland) around 3 a.m., naked, after smoking crack cocaine, and a 12-ft gator wandered by. A bloody Apgar (from now on, just call him "Righty") managed to struggle with the gator for a half hour on his own, then was rescued by four brave, judgment-challenged Polk County sheriff's deputies. [Tampa Tribune]
More Things To Worry About Today Latest Dept. of Children and Families queasiness: A Sebring 3-month-old, given to a foster family for 12 days, winds up with a DCF-described "bump on the head" that's actually life-threatening skull fractures [Miami Herald] É Hon. Bart Roper, 69, a city commissioner in Broward's Cooper City, was picked up, dead drunk and slumped over his steering wheel, in a left-turn lane in Davie [Miami Herald] É "Ronnie One Arm" Trucchio (not to be confused with Adrian "Righty" Apgar) and three others were convicted of muscling into the valet parking business in Tampa for the Gambino family (despite Ronnie's having sworn to the jury, "Not one red cent did I get, and I swear [to] that on my other arm") [Tampa Tribune] É Perceptive, insightful city planning: Apopka, facing a mouse infestation, borrows five hungry owls [WKMG-TV (Orlando)] É Maybe he had second thoughts about losing the homestead exemption: Hulk Hogan will return to his $20-25m Pinellas County home (instead of moving to Miami Beach) [St. Petersburg Times] É Jack Nation, 69, of Winter Springs, swears he's not into child porn, that it's just that he hasn't mastered that e-mail "attachment" thing yet [WFTV (Orlando)] É Yikes! 3-lb., yard-long rats on Grassy Key Island (around Marathon) and they're way-diseased! [Associated Press via Forbes.com].
This article appears in Nov 29 – Dec 5, 2006.