You know you're in trouble when a movie opens with a line like "Things happen," solemnly intoned so as to conjure up maximum metaphysical gravity. When we hear the line delivered at the outset of Life or Something Like It, what it actually indicates is a bit less grand: complete cluelessness on the part of the filmmakers. It's bad enough that these wobbly words of wisdom are shamelessly appropriated from Forrest Gump by way of Kurt Vonnegut (and countless other pop culture commentators). What's worse is that the line is delivered by what appears to be the inner voice of an unconscious person lying on an operating table, and the words are immediately followed by that character's life flashing before her eyes. For the next 90-some minutes, it's my sad duty to report, that life flashes before our eyes as well — although in the case of the narrative attached to Life or Something Like It, "crawl" and "lurch" are actually considerably more accurate descriptions than "flash."
Like far too many romantic comedies being made these days, Life or Something Like It is really not all that romantic (it's only in its very last act that something like romance pops out of a hat) and as for the comedy part of the equation, you can count the number of genuinely funny moments on one hand. The real problem with the movie, though, is that it actually seems to consider itself as being somehow profound. It's certainly not that, either.
Life or Something Like It has a little bit of that Big thing going on, at least in theory — where elements of fantasy figure into the story in order to offer moral instruction or make a point about the meaning of life. But the spiritual and philosophical aspirations of Life or Something Like It are about as deep and deftly delivered as something you'd find in a fortune cookie. Things happen, oh yes indeed they do.
Angelina Jolie stars as Lanie Kerrigan, a popular Seattle television personality whose cotton-candy, platinum mane, perpetual pout and wasp waist recall a slightly more thoughtful version of Jayne Mansfield by way of Pamela Anderson-Rock. Lanie's career seems headed directly to the stars, her apartment is fabulous and she's dating a celebrity baseball player every bit as attractive and self-centered as she is. The ultimate material girl, Lanie's not stupid by a long shot, but more than willing to put smarts and basic human decency on permanent hold in pursuit of fame, money and power. She's shallow from the top of her lacquered locks to the tips of her Gucci shoes. And proud of it.
The monkey wrench in Lanie's perfect life is introduced early on by way of a homeless seer with an alarmingly high accuracy rate (Tony Shalhoub) who summarily informs Jolie's character that she has one week to live. There's a rigorously by the numbers structure to the film, and it goes something like this: The movie's first half-hour depicts Lanie gradually believing the prediction of her imminent demise. The next 40 minutes follows her as she comes to grips with her own mortality and superficiality, and the final 20 minutes introduces the prospect of true love in the form of a laid-back Ed Burns.
It's not exactly rocket science or poetry, but in the hands of a more accomplished filmmaker it's doubtful that it would all have seemed so routine or hopelessly transparent. The director here, however, is Stephen Herek, a man responsible for some of Hollywood's most painfully obvious excesses of the past decade: Mr. Holland's Opus, Rock Star, Holy Man and The Mighty Ducks. Life or Something Like It is not about to break that impressive losing streak.
As in all of Herek's projects, the whole shebang depends almost entirely on the casting of a big star in the central role, and Life or Something Like It is no different. Jolie is not only the main attraction; she's practically the only thing worth watching here. Just tracking the constantly shifting contours of the star's ripe, ridiculously expressive lips can be an endlessly fascinating and rewarding experience in and of itself.
Jolie manages to come off as weirdly watchable, even appealing, quite a feat considering how annoying her character is supposed to be. It's a gift, one that allows us to continue paying attention even during the movie's lamest moments (such as the soon-to-be-infamous sequence in which a tipsy Lanie encourages a group of striking transit workers to join her in an excruciating rendition of "Satisfaction"). But even Jolie can't save Life or Something Like It, a movie that, while it may not be completely lifeless, is awfully close to vegetative state. It almost certainly would have been a kindness if someone had bothered to check for a pulse or brain activity, and then pulled the plug.
Latin Flavor The local film festivals keep on coming, and this week's event is one of the most interesting the Bay area has to offer. The second annual Latin American Film Festival, which takes place this year April 26-28 at the Muvico BayWalk in St. Petersburg, will feature a dozen films hailing from Argentina, Brazil, Venezuela, Colombia, Mexico and even the United States and Canada. Dramas, adventures, comedies, documentaries and films with political themes will be showcased.
The festival kicks off on Friday, April 26, with a 6 p.m. reception at the Florida International Museum, followed by the emotionally charged Mexican drama Por la Libre (Dust to Dust). A discussion of the film will follow the screening.
Saturday, April 27, begins with a 2 p.m. presentation of director Maria Escobedo's romantic comedy Rum and Coke. Also taking place at 2 p.m. is an open forum exploring a wide range of bicultural and bilingual issues. The forum will be held at Davis Hall 130, on the St. Pete campus of the University of South Florida. It is open to the public and free of charge.
At 4:15, there's a screening of En Un Claroscuro de la Luna, a portrait of a Russian immigrant and his Mexican wife, followed by the award-winning, Oscar-nominated Brazilian gem Central Station at 6:30. The day finishes up with a 9 p.m. showing of Taxi Para Tres (Taxi for Three), a highly acclaimed thriller-drama from Chile. A discussion of all the day's films will be held at 10:30.
Sunday, April 28, begins with a 2 p.m. matinee of the Colombian movie Terminal, the chronicle of a desperately lovesick man. At 3:40, there's Cien Años de Perdon (Little Thieves, Big Thieves), a Venezuelan film about four middle-class friends trying to survive their country's latest financial crisis. Things continue at 5:30 with the Mexico/Spain co-production Sin Djar Huella (Without a Trace), about a pair of unlikely smugglers in the Yucatan. The festival concludes with the 7:40 screening of Cabecita Rubia (Lost Horizon), a surreal-sounding Argentinean effort about a traveling band of magical misfits. Again, a discussion of all the films will follow the screening.
The ticket price for a single film is $6, a festival pass for Saturday and Sunday (eight movies) is $40, and the cost of a ticket to the opening night reception and Friday films is $15. To order tickets and for more information, call 727-464-7240.
Life or Something Like ItDirected by Stephen Herek
Stars Angelina Jolie, Ed Burns, Tony Shalhoub and Stockard Channing
Opens April 26 at local theaters
C'est Jolie: Angelina Jolie stars in Life or Something Like It.
This article appears in Apr 24-30, 2002.
