Glancing at a list of this summer's movies is more than a little like being a character in Groundhog Day, forced to relive the past over and over again. The titles of Hollywood's latest batch of would-be blockbusters seem so familiar you might rightly wonder if someone's experiencing the early onset of Alzheimer's. The only thing that's unclear is whether that someone is you or the studio geniuses who think up this stuff.
Here are some of the big movies we're all going to be bombarded by any second now: Charlie's Angels 2, Terminator 3, Bad Boys 2, Spy Kids 3, The Matrix Reloaded, Legally Blonde 2, Jeepers Creepers 2, another Tomb Raider movie, American Wedding (a.k.a. American Pie 3) and 2 Fast 2 Furious (a Fast and Furious follow-up). There are even a pair of prequels to Dumb and Dumber and The Exorcist lined up, and yet another Pokemon entry for the truly perverse.
Rather than enter into yet another debate on whether or not Hollywood has finally run out of ideas, let's simply take this seasonal fare for what is, put on a happy face, don our finest eatin' bibs (this stuff can get messy), and tuck in. There should be plenty of palate refreshers throughout the summer to remind us that interesting movies still exist (The Sundance award-winning Whale Rider, Patrice Leconte's Man on the Train and the highly acclaimed American Splendor are all expected). For now, though, here's the meat 'n' potatoes, with an extra helping of pop tarts on the side. Never mind the empty calories.
The Matrix Reloaded What summer's all about, for better and for worse. Keanu and pals are back, guns blazing and full-length black leather intact, amidst a hail of special effects that are almost certain not to look quite so revolutionary as they did in the original Matrix some summers back.
Down with Love A self-described homage to those old Rock Hudson/ Doris Day romantic comedies featuring cute people in nice clothes finding all sorts of reasons not to get together before eventually tumbling into each other's arms. Renee Zellweger is a feminist writer and Ewan McGregor is the man-about-town who fancies her.
Bruce Almighty An omnipotent Jim Carrey? So what else is new? God (Morgan Freeman, typecast) endows Jimbo with supreme power by way of demonstrating just how tough His job really is. Jennifer Aniston is the love interest.
Finding Nemo The latest effort from the computer animation whiz-kids at Pixar (Toy Story, Monsters Inc.) is an underwater adventure starring a bunch of little fish with big personalities. Albert Brooks and Ellen Degeneres are among the voice talents.
The Italian Job A remake of a relatively obscure 1960s heist movie, starring Mark Wahlberg in a role originally filled by Michael Caine. Upside: the movie was shot in Rome, so expect some nice local color. Downside: Wahlberg.
2 Fast 2 Furious Sequel to the surprisingly successful Fast and the Furious, starring a bunch of people you never heard of. Vin Diesel decided not to return, as did director Rob Cohen and most of the original cast.From Justin to Kelly For all you American Idol addicts, here's more of the same. A feature-length love fest with two of the winners from the show's first season. Wake me when it's over.Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd There's no Jim Carrey or Jeff Daniels here, just two bizarre lookalikes in a prequel to the popular 1994 goof-fest. Mimi Rogers is slumming in here somewhere too.
Hollywood Homicide Ron Shelton, a writer/director best known for eccentric sports movies like Bull Durham, takes a second stab at a cop film (the first was Dark Blue). Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett are LA homicide detectives with quirky second jobs. One sells real estate; the other teaches yoga.
The Hulk One of the summer's hottest tickets is this comic-book extravaganza from director Ang Lee (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon). Lee's poetic touches are sure to be in evidence, as are the charms of Jennifer Connelly (although — sadly, and contrary to widely circulated rumors — not as the mean, green She-Hulk).Alex and Emma In the future, everybody will not be famous for 15 minutes. However, every Hollywood movie star will have slept with every other Hollywood movie star, at least on screen. Luke Wilson and Kate Hudson are the attractive couple on display in this Rob Reiner-directed romantic comedy.
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle The girls are back in town, along with a boy or two (Bernie Mac and a returning Crispin Glover). Demi Moore shows up to further spice things up.28 Days Later A good old-fashioned Night of the Living Dead-esque zombie flick from an unlikely source. The director here is none other than heavy-duty hipster-with-a-message Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, The Beach), apparently just having fun for a change.
Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde This sequel to one of MGM's all-time most successful projects follows Reese Witherspoon's superficial but dumb-like-a-fox character to Washington, where she becomes involved with an animal rights crusade and a couple of totally cute politicians.Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas Animated action-fantasy from Dreamworks aimed at pre-teen boys and animation geeks (like me). The stellar voice talent includes Brad Pitt, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michelle Pfeiffer.
T3: Rise of the Machines Even if you've seen the incredibly dull trailer for this one, odds are you'll find yourself buying a ticket, just like the rest of us. T3 is a bona fide pop culture event as much as a movie. This latest update to James Cameron's story pits a female Terminatrix from the future against a new, improved version of Arnold's indestructible man-machine thingie. Battlin' 'bots galore.
Pirates of the Caribbean No one even blinks an eye anymore at movies based on video games, so why not one "suggested" by an amusement park ride? A gaggle of zombie pirates make this one sound a lot like an old episode of Scooby Doo as well. Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush provide star power.
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Sean Connery is only one of the attractions in this long-awaited big screen version of Alan Moore's comic book set in Victorian England. Captain Nemo, Dr. Jekyll and Allan Quatermain are among the legendary figures fighting evil and solving mysteries here.
Bad Boys 2 Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are Miami cops on the case in London in this sequel to the '95 action hit. Director Michael Bay (The Rock, Pearl Harbor) returns as well.The Exorcist: The Beginning This one might — might — actually be interesting. Thirteen years after the sublime awfulness of Excorcist III, erratic visionary Paul Schrader (Auto Focus) helms the latest installment in the series, a prequel starring thespian's thespian Stellan Skarsgaard as a younger version of Max von Sydow's demon-battling priest.
Spy Kids 3 Robert Rodriguez doing a 3-D movie?! Is there anything else you need to know? Sylvester Stallone is the latest addition to the cast of this popular and unusually clever franchise, taking place this time inside a virtual reality game.Seabiscuit Here's a dark horse contender of a movie that's literally about a real-life dark horse contender. Gary Ross (Pleasantville) directs an outstanding ensemble cast that includes Jeff Bridges, Tobey Maguire and Chris Cooper, in the Depression-era tale of Seabiscuit, a little racehorse who could. Based on a true story.
Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life More sub-Indiana Jones mayhem with Billy Bob's pouty-lipped ex chasing around the world and fighting bad guys for control of a doomsday device known as Pandora's Box.
American Wedding Jason Biggs and Alyson Hannigan tie the knot in this (supposed) finale to the American Pie series, proving there's a place for family values amidst all the bared breasts and bodily fluids, after all. Wonder who gets to play the flute at the wedding?
Gigli The award for the summer's worst original premise might just go to this Ben Affleck-J Lo project (previously titled Tough Love), in which the celebrity couple star as a pair of mob associates watching over a mentally challenged hostage. The buzz is pretty bad too.
Freaky Friday A remake of the 1976 comedy about a young girl switching bodies with her mom. It might have been fun if Jodie Foster, who was 14 when she played the girl in the original movie, returned as the mom in the remake. Instead, we get Jamie Lee Curtis doing the honors.
Matchstick Men Ridley Scott in a playful mood, directing a Catch Me If You Can heist-lite flick. Nicolas Cage and Sam Rockwell star as a couple of deeply neurotic con men.
The Fighting Temptations is Sister Act minus the nuns and the urban setting. Cuba Gooding Jr. stars as a sophisticated Manhattan ad executive who finds himself running a gospel choir in a sleepy little Southern town.
SWAT An action thriller inspired by the '70s TV show, starring Colin Farrell and Samuel L. Jackson as elite cops battling a horde of dangerous thugs in L.A.
The Medallion Although he's getting a little long in the tooth for this sort of thing, Jackie Chan's back in action, this time blending his patented martial arts mayhem with some supernatural elements and a healthy dose of computer generated special effects.
Freddy vs. Jason Two sequels for the price of one. The pizza-faced fiend of Nightmare on Elm Street takes on the ski-masked slaughterhouse of the Friday the 13th franchise. Sounds like the WWF of slasher flicks.
Marci X Having already assaulted us with a gay minstrel show in In and Out, writer Paul Rudnick now turns his sights on blacks and Jews in this comedy about a pampered Jewish American princess who winds up running a rap label. Watch out for colliding stereotypes.
Jeepers Creepers 2 There are at least two dictums fueling the rash of sequels filling the multiplexes this summer. No. 1: Don't mess with success. No. 2: Bigger is better. Jeepers Creepers 2 takes both of those lessons to heart, giving the scary monster of the original 2001 hit a whole bus full of screaming teenagers to sink its fangs into. Expect rivers of blood and body parts flying all over the place.
Film Critic Lance Goldenberg can be reached at lgoldenb@tampabay.rr.com or 813-248-8888 ext. 157.
This article appears in May 7-13, 2003.