Hillsborough County's testosterone-fueled tax collector, Doug Belden, got in
trouble last month for making unwanted touches of a woman at a bar in Tampa.
She complained in the media; he denied in the media; then he apologized in
the media (blaming demon rum, of course). Better to apologize than not. Good
boy. But if not for Monica Lewinsky's blue dress, Bill Clinton would
probably still to this day be denying doing anything improper with "that
woman." (She said; he said.) And if not for the Tampa bar's surveillance
video, Belden would perhaps to this day be denying anything improper with
the lady in question. (She said; he said.) In other words, but for the
video, Belden's implied characterization of her as either delusional or a
gold-digging litigator would stand. Blue dress, story changed. Surveillance
video, story changed. Yr Editor guesses that what is really relevant to a
public official's ability to serve is not what he does with a few drinks
after work, but what his judgment is in the office the next day, under
pressure, when he's sober and reflective, which were the circumstances
surrounding his pre-video denials. It looks to Yr Editor that the
smoking-gun video is the only thing that turned Belden into a decent guy.
Anyway, the prosecutor in Tampa, faced with either charging or not charging
Belden for the unwanted touching, yesterday decided not to charge. [Tampa
Tribune] [earlier coverage from St. Petersburg Times]

Three Computers Crashed at the Same Time! Damn! The State's Attorney in Broward is investigating a foul-smelling deal for
sewage-processing in the city of Hollywood, involving the mayor and a city
commissioner and a lobbyist. According to documents the prosecutor released
yesterday, the three were fast friends e-mailing each other frequently about
the deal right up to the end of 2003, but then, mysteriously, there are no
e-mails for the prosecutor to look at for the following few months (which is
the period the prosecutor has narrowed the alleged shadiness down to). The
mayor and the commissioner said, well, their computers crashed, and the
lobbyist said, well, he threw out his computer because it wouldn't work. No
e-mails. Go figure. [Miami Herald]

Undignified Deaths A man heroically saved a pal's dog from being drawn into a
tree-stump-grinder near Lake Wales but couldn't get out of the way himself
[Palm Beach Post] . . . . . A 37-yr-old man was for some reason standing too
close to the railroad tracks in Jupiter when a train came along [WFTV-TV
(Orlando)] . . . . . Recidivist Pensacola DUI Beverly Grimditch was
sentenced to 45 yrs in prison for her latest, in June, when her car went
airborne, crashed through the roof of a home, and landed fatally on top of a
15-yr-old boy who was watching the NBA playoffs on TV [Pensacola News
Journal]

Follow-Ups Evidently, the Phelpses of Westboro Baptist had flight trouble in Chicago
and weren't able to create their planned hatefest at the Jacksonville
soldier's funeral on Saturday. [Florida Times-Union] [The F State,
11-10-2006]
Reporters in Jacksonville unearthed an earlier booze-propelled arrest of
U.S. Sen. Bill Nelson's son, on the eve of the Super Bowl in 2005. (Last
Tuesday, he was arrested in Orlando celebrating the old man's election
victory.) [FirstCoastNews.com] [The F State, 11-9-2006]

Floridians With Worse Sex Lives Than You Assistant coach Kim Brabson, 29, was fired from Tampa Prep after allegedly
asking his swim team gals to try on their swimsuits for him during gym
class. [St. Petersburg Times]

Your Daily Loser Rudolph Holton, who served 16 yrs on death row until a DNA test weakened the
evidence against him and he was released, was sentenced to 20 yrs for
choking his wife. (He had already briefly revisited the slammer in the
interim for beating his wife with a golf club.) [St. Petersburg Times]

More Things To Worry About Today 17 of the 21 Miami-Dade schools that failed sanitary inspection last month
are up to code, i.e., they still can't catch the rats and cockroaches at
Little River Elementary and three others [Miami Herald] . . . . . Bad enough
that Chris Gius of West Lantana has to worry about being hit on the highway
by people having senior moments, but yesterday, a 71-yr-old plowed into his
yard in an airplane [South Florida Sun-Sentinel] . . . . . Yikes! At the
Back Bay restaurant in Palm Bay, thousands of dive-bombing bats!
[WKMG-TV (Orlando)].

This article appears in Nov 8-14, 2006.