FRIDAY 12.20
Happy Hallucinations Hallucination — home of dance floor trashers Rabbit in the Moon and Jackal & Hyde — combines its infamous Christmas party with the record label's 10-year anniversary. Hallucination On Film sets the mood with looped clips from Christmas flicks (often massacre scenes). There's usually some sort of racy, exotic aspect to the night's entertainment. And the impressive lineup includes live sets by Bassbin Twins, House Wrecka and Beautiful Confusion; plus DJ sets by Monk, Bunny, Three, Bamboo and more. Doors open at 9 p.m. Tickets cost $15 advance, $20 at the door. Masquerade, 1503 E. Seventh Ave., Ybor City. 813-247-3319.
THURSDAY 12.19
Feeling Orny On-the-rise stand-up comedian Orny Adams got an odd break when Jerry Seinfeld bumped him from a comedy club slot while filming the documentary Comedian. Shot club-to-club on two hand-held digital cameras, the film sets up contrasting stories by following Adams and Seinfeld on their respective journeys. Seinfeld on Adams: "I see all of myself in him. The thing that made it great for the film is that he doesn't censor himself." Adams has also appeared on The Late Show and written monologues for The Tonight Show. The gig starts at 8 p.m. Performances run through Dec. 22. Tickets cost $14-$18. Improv Comedy Theater, 1600 E. Eighth Ave., Centro Ybor, Ybor City. 813-864-4000.
What it 'Tis Guest conductor Crafton Beck leads The Florida Orchestra in family-oriented holiday concert. The program includes such favorites as "The Night Before Christmas," "Joy to World" and "Deck the Halls." Sing along to the carols, listen to selections from The Nutcracker Suite and enjoy the medley of holiday compositions by Bach. The orchestra warms up at 7:30 p.m. at Ferguson Hall, Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, 1010 North MacInnes Place, Tampa. 813-229-7827. Tickets cost $20-$42.
FRIDAY 12.20
Rock the Halls It's an Xmas celebration heavy on irony … and just about everything else, as well. A handful of preeminent Bay area punk/posthardcore/emo stalwarts will interpret all manner of classic metal anthems for your cheerful holiday perusal at A Very Metal Christmas. Featured acts include Arcade Inferno, As You Wish, More or Less, and A Nation of Suspects, among others. Don't sprain yer pointers and pinkies over it, dude. 7:30 p.m. at the State Theatre, 687 Central Ave., St. Petersburg. Tickets are $5 in advance and $6 at the door. Call 727-895-3045 for more info.
SATURDAY 12.21
Godfather Bless Us, Every One Fugged abou' Merry ol' England in Yellow Snow Productions' humorous Dickens' adaptation, A Christmas Cannoli: Or a Tale of Two Families. Who knew that old Ebenezer was a mafioso? Tony Soprano might be done for the season, but there's another boss in town. Show runs Dec. 19-20, 8 p.m.; Dec. 21, 3 p.m. & 8 p.m.; Dec. 26-27, 8 p.m.; Dec. 28, 3 p.m. & 8 p.m. Tickets cost $7-$10. Silver Meteor Gallery, 2213 E. Sixth Ave., Ybor City. 813-300-3585.Iced Nuts Visions of sugarplums glide across the Ice in the Russia State Ice Ballet's take on Tchaikovsky's The Nutcracker. The Florida Orchestra continues its holiday tradition at St. Petersburg's Mahaffey Theater. Guest conductor Leo Korkhin will lead the orchestra in the famous holiday ballet. So even if it's not a white Christmas, you can still enjoy the cold. Showtimes are Dec. 21, 2 p.m. & 7 p.m.; Dec. 22, 1 p.m. & 5 p.m. at the Mahaffey Theater, 400 First St. S., St. Petersburg. Tickets are $20-$38, and half-price for children 12 and under. Call 813-286-2403 or 800-662-7286.SUNDAY 12.22
Bah, Humbug Revel in Christmas Past with the oldest, and arguably one of the best, full-length film adaptations of the Dickens classic A Christmas Carol. The black-and-white 1938 film was done up in truly grand MGM style. Reginald Owen as an acerbic Ebenezer gave the most celebrated Scrooge, Alastair Sim, a performance to live up to. Coo over Tiny Tim, cheer on young Ebenezer, and shiver when a surprisingly chilling Marley shakes his chains. Also stars Gene Lockhart as a particularly goofy Cratchit. The show will begin at the toll of 3 p.m. at Tampa Theatre, 711 Franklin St., Tampa. 813-274-8981. Tickets are $5.
No Sleigh Ride The Bay's premier mountain bike club, SWAMP (SouthWest Association of Mountain Bike Pedalers) is known for maintaining the area's top trails and organizing fun excursions for riders of all skill levels. But what they've created in the rolling woods of Alafia State Park is an amazing single-track trail system that's as beautiful as it is challenging. SWAMP leads a guided ride at 9 a.m., a great way to be introduced to Alafia's tough climbs, steep drops and tight turns. Riders, don't forget your helmet and adequate water (two liters). For more info on SWAMP, directions to Alafia and a trail map, visit www.swampclub.org or call 813-689-5109.
MONDAY 12.23
Home Game for the Holidays Grab some brewskies and watch Keyshawn get naughty, while Gramatica stays very nice. The Bucs take on the Pittsburgh Steelers in Ray Jay at 9 p.m. The Bucs are so hot, you probably won't even notice the nip in the air. But compared to Steeltown, the air will be downright balmy. The game's televised on ABC, but by all means, try your luck with the scalpers. Raymond James Stadium, 4201 N. Dale Mabry, Tampa. 813-289-6811.
TUESDAY 12.24
Cookie Sentimentality Someone at John Wiley & Sons deserves a promotion. The publishing house recently republished the beloved 1963 edition of Betty Crocker's Cooky Book as an authentic-looking facsimile of the original. Yes, the book has excellent recipes for everything from lemon wafers to snickerdoodles, but the real treat is design — from lame line drawings of each cookie to photos of their tacky arrangement on plates. Get this 156-page treasure, bake Santa something special from its Christmas section, lick the spatula, remember the terrible wallpaper your family used to have and relish the nostalgia. Amazon has the book marked at $17.47.
WEDNESDAY 12.25
Praise the Lord The presents are open, and the turkey dinner is still a few hours away. Spend the lazy Christmas afternoon cheering for peace on Middle-Earth and goodwill towards Men at The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. The second installment of Tolkien's epic, masterfully filmed by Peter Jackson, has been in theaters for a week, which means you'll probably avoid all the weirdos dressed like hobbits. Gandalf's back, and the warlike sequel promises more action with hotties Viggo Mortensen, Orlando Bloom, and — dare I say it? — Elijah Wood. Besides, what would Christmas be without some Elves? Screenings at various theaters in the Tampa Bay area.
—Cooper Cruz returns next week.
Holiday Lights ToursWith all the holiday light displays around town, were the star of Bethlehem to make an actual appearance above Tampa airspace, it might be tough to find in the sky. Area residents take their Christmas light displays very seriously, celestial events be damned.
Case in point — Ted Kresge's dazzling display at 2700 Oakdale St. (off Fourth Street South, just south of 22nd Ave), St. Petersburg. Every year, the half-acre residence is blanketed in a festival of lights (over half a million) and several hundred — yes, hundred animated religious figures. The spectacle takes several months to assemble, even with a team of volunteer designers, and Kresge foots an electric bill hovering near $3,500 — all to spread the Good Word.
But if you aren't in the neighborhood during the Kresge visiting hours of 6-10 p.m., you might try some other area displays. Across the Bay in North Tampa, a street called Hialeah gets in the community spirit with a neighborhood design featuring individually decorated houses connected by strings of lights running across the trees and from house to house. Makes one wonder if good will toward one's neighbors stretches to the energy bill. Try driving down the bright-as-day Hialeah with your own lights off for an otherworldly thrill.
On a smaller scale, the area around Interbay in Tampa wins some awards for cringe-worthy designs. Whether it's the plastic reindeer on south West Shore (three blocks south of Interbay), or the "Merry Mobile Home" (on Richard Avenue south of Interbay), these houses prove that holiday light displays don't need ostentation to be outrageous.
For walk-through fun, the park next to the Largo Library on West Bay Drive and Missouri Avenue in Clearwater has a pretty garden of lights, and "Operation Twinkle" in Dunedin is still going strong in Highlander Park, Dunedin Stadium, Edgewater Drive and at least 50 light poles dripping with decor in the quaint downtown square.
And if you still haven't can't get enough of holiday lights, you can follow the tradition that my family's been holding ever since I can remember — pile in the car, and troll the streets for some electric merriment. Visions of sugarplums, indeed.—Diana Peterfreund
This article appears in Dec 18-24, 2002.