“I’m partial to the abstract nudes,” I told St. Pete scenester Brent Bruns Saturday at Nova 535 Art Lounge. 

“They’re also the most pornographic,” Brent said. “You think there’s a correlation?” 

I’d be lying if I said I just liked artist Lisa Scholder’s use of color. But that’s the beauty of a place like Nova. People who know what they’re looking at can give qualified opinions about the works in the gallery while people like me can disguise our artistic-handicaps while munching hors d’oeuvres, bouncing between one of several bars and rubbing elbows with Bay Area trend setters.     

 

The 7,000-square-foot warehouse space hosted more than a thousand people Saturday for its red carpet opening. Inside, unfinished floors accentuated the loud art hung over brick walls. San Francisco’s DJ Zeph spun, somehow making hip-hop tracks swanky. Patrons elbowed for room as they roamed between the bars and tables loaded with sweets and the crumbled remains of cheese and crackers. It was overwhelming, even for my camera, which literally fried its archaic circuits trying to capture the madness.   

The crowd was so large I kept losing Trini, though this may have been her intent. She had taken a particular interest in the inordinate proportion of attractive men in attendance. Not only was most everyone more attractive than me, they all dressed like they were in a fashion show. The women, most of whom were also taller than me, wore provocative dresses, which I learned could be as short as they wanted and still be considered classy so long as they cost more than my monthly rent. Guys wore suits, but not business-class black and gray, but suits built to accommodate color. I felt like I had stepped into Eyes Wide Shut or a New York warehouse party.  

This article appears in Feb 13-19, 2008.