By suggesting stalking as a summer activity, I do not (repeat: not) mean to encourage borderline sociopaths and weirdoes who can't take a hint when a girl tells them to get lost. It's to encourage cute romantic goofballs who're trying to get some crush to take an active interest. Being breezy basically means capriciously blowing through life like a dandelion seed in the wind. It's a characteristic almost exclusively true to girls and can be tragic when they get hung up on a guy. Breezy girls begin by getting the heartthrob's name and running a Yahoo search (Wow, he won state in high school swimming the 100-meter butterfly!). If it turns out he doesn't have a creepy criminal record with convictions (for, say, stalking) then he becomes the focus of an intense plot to catch his eye. Why? Because we're a backwards culture that still has a double standard about girls asking out guys. Naturally, this calls for halter-tops. You find the guy and pretend to bump into him. (Again, this does not condone the sort of stalking that involves rifling through an ex's trashcans.) Breezy stalking is best done with a friend along for reinforcement (Look, there he is! Go talk to him!) and is mostly innocuous since the only person at risk of getting hurt is you. We've all done this sort of crush-stalking nonsense. OK, maybe not since high school. But, hey, it's more fun than watching reality TV.
This article appears in May 14-20, 2003.