I have an uncle who calls me "faggot" whenever he and I are alone in the same room. He's a conservative, straight Mormon. I'm a boy who's had sexual encounters with guys and girls, and I'm trying to figure out my own sexuality while dealing with all of the other stuff that comes with going off to college, and frankly I don't need his crap. Do I tell my parents? I'm kind of bi right now, so he's half right, but what business is it of his?
Uncertain Nephew Craving Levelheaded Explanation
Your uncle is hitting on you, UNCLE, in his fashion — that is, the fashion of the tormented, self-hating, conservative/religious closet case. If you don't wanna find yourself standing there with your uncle's tongue stuffed in your mouth someday, I would advise you not to spend another moment alone with your asshole uncle. And, yes, tell your parents what he's been doing. Because, UNCLE, if he ever makes a pass at you and a scene ensues — you scream, you yell, you bite his tongue off and spit it out the window — your uncle is going to insist that you made the pass at him.
I'm a woman whose "super-hetero" boyfriend is quite shy and needs to build trust before he can open up to someone. Since I have gained his trust, he has revealed that he fantasizes about m-m-f threesomes. I've asked him if he is turned on by the idea of another man's penis, and he says no, he just wants to see me have sex with another man. Yet when he describes his dirtiest fantasies to me at the peak of arousal, he says he gets off on the idea of double penetration — one penis in my anus, another in my vagina — and wants to feel the other man's penis bump up against his own, separated by my innards.
Do you think he is bisexual or bi-curious? We intend to enact this fantasy, and I wonder if it could shift the dynamic of our relationship.
It can be hard to predict whether a man will have an epiphany during an m-m-f threesome and come to the sudden and shocking realization that he's bisexual. (Um ... does your boyfriend refer to his male friends as "mate," by any chance? Is he a fan of the Twilight series?) He's obviously more aroused by male-male contact than he's capable of admitting when he isn't about to blow a load, TC. This fantasy of his isn't about, or isn't just about, wanting to gangbang a girl with a buddy. Your boyfriend wants to bump penises with another dude — but with your, um, lady "innards" providing the "no homo" absolution.
But I don't think you need to extract a full confession of bi-curiousness or even heteroflexibility before you realize this fantasy. He may not be in denial about what his desires add up to, TC. He just may want to check his fantasies about male-male contact against the reality of male-male contact before he tells you what he suspects: He's the tiniest bit bisexual.
In your advice last week to Lonely One Seeks Ties, you said, "Munches are informal gatherings hosted by and for straight folks into BDSM ..." I've attended various munches on a regular basis, and I'd have to say that over half of the regular attendees at each of them are not straight. The folks at the monthly munch I attend include my Husband/Owner (pansexual trans man), a gay male couple, a straight male/bisexual female couple, a lesbian possibly accompanied by one of her female partners/submissives, a hetero couple (at least as they present straight), a single bisexual man, a cross-dressing male, and a straight man with two bisexual female submissives. Munches are for everyone!
Bad Dan's Silly Munchconception
Sorry about that, BDSM. I've actually never been to a munch, and the people I know who go are straight or, um, "straight presenting." The fags I know into BDSM — hey guys! — have a much easier time finding partners than my straight kinky pals, which perhaps makes munches less necessary for gays, if no less welcoming of gays. But I stand corrected: Munches are for everyone. I should've checked with a regular munch-goer, and someone really ought to punish me for screwing this up.