Love in the time of sexting

Friend #1: “I don’t do it too often, and rarely ever have with pics, but I used to be quite good at it. It’s quite dangerous if you’re not stridently cautious.”

Friend #2: “I dnt think about it.”

Friend #3: “If it’s consensual, then I’m for it.”

Friend #4: “Not really into that.”

Friend #5: “Do it responsibly, and it’s a lot of fun. And no pictures—ever.”

Friend #6: “I really prefer the real thing…but sexting is a way of foreplay, and the build-up gateway to an incredible evening is not something I would write off. Using it as a tease or something spoken about that is unattainable for fun is not in my nature.”

[image-1]Friend #7: “I don’t want to know why ur asking me that.”

Friend #8: “Fun, enticing, odd…”

Friend #9: “I think it’s gross. I don’t like talking dirty out loud to begin with, written is even worse. But if that’s your thing, do what you do. But you should never put something you don’t want anyone else to see or hear about in writing or pictures.”

Friend #10: “I enjoy words. And I enjoy sex. And I enjoy writing. Combined skillfully they can be nice.”

Friend #11: “I think it’s a fun way to keep a relationship interesting. But that’s all I can say in a text right now, call me later if you want more.”

Call me later if you want more, eh? I think I will…

But seriously: I noticed something, and I hope you did, too. People seem to be uncomfortable with the visual possibilities of sexting, and I have an inkling that it’s not just because they like to use their imaginations.

Like cyber-sexing, sexting takes place in a public venue, and for this reason we need—like Friends #1, 5, and 9 suggested—to be careful. How many horror stories have we heard about young ladies being suddenly—ahem—exposed to the Interweb? (Can anyone say “Vanessa Hudgens”?)

And, let us also note, not every one of my eleven responders even wanted to discuss the topic of sexting (Friends 2, 4, and 7). This is because sexting—like other experimental sex acts—is not for everyone. If you’ve tried to initiate sexting with your partner and s/he hasn’t responded, or hasn’t responded favorably, you know what I mean. An aversion to sexting is not a symptom of repression, though; it’s a boundary, just like any other boundary, which, if treated respectfully, is a necessary practice between partners.

But, hey—given the right circumstances, with the right person, with the right precautions, sexting can be, like Friend #8 says, fun and enticing, and hopefully not so odd. Discuss it with your partner; see where it goes. It might be, like Friend #11 suggests, a fun way to keep a relationship interesting.