Just about the most overrated of all inspirational messages has to be "never
give up." It seems to Yr Editor that, for every tear-jerking success, there's
a pathetic failure (or a mountain-out-of-molehill false upside). This week's
News of the Weird mentions the Pinellas County diner Ralph Paul, who spent
several thousand bucks, and much opportunity time, challenging Angellino's
restaurant in Palm Harbor because a seafood dish didn't have enough seafood
in it. It was his "code of honor" that made him do it. Well, OK, then . . .
a code of honor! The St. Petersburg Times yesterday revisited
Richard Bradbury, who was treated badly at a scared-straight drug rehab
center in the 1980s founded by a prominent St. Pete citizen, and who has
since been obsessed with exposing the operation (but not his adoptive
parents who sent him there or the counselors who roughed him up). And, oh,
by the way, he once joined the staff there and dished it out himself, and
now he's really sorry about that. Bradbury's only success so far was
discovering a penis pump while rummaging through the founder's trash (and
which he offered on eBay). Said Bradbury, "Fighting this battle has become a
part of me." Well, OK, then . . . a part of him! [St. Petersburg Times
(Bradbury)] [St. Petersburg Times (Paul)]

One Up, One Down, in the Send-a-Message War A district football player of the year, Jamal Hubert of Clewiston High, was
dismissed from the team after blowing positive for alcohol at a school
function (which he said was from Nyquil, but, who knows?). On the other
hand, Chris Perry, a star on the Lake Howell High School team, will keep
playing, even though he just pleaded guilty to felony aggravated assault
(down from rape) (because Seminole County schools say they have no
jurisdiction over what happens off-campus). [WBBH-TV (Fort Myers)] [WKMG-TV
(Orlando)]

Penn & Teller's Kinda-Stupid Project Yr Editor's a big fan of P&T (Teller even graciously wrote a foreword to my
1996 paperback The Concrete Enema), but this new project of theirs
(a docu on examples of why Florida sucks) appears pretty trite. Their
request for material seems straight out of a musty Reader's Digest-type
"jumbo book" of Florida Jokes. Anyway, back to The F State, where we
sophisticates gather to discuss our lovely state. [Penn & Teller's
floridasucks.tv]

Your Daily Loser Your schadenfreude moment: Steven Green, who is generally
acknowledged around Tampa as its worst landlord, collecting code violations
like Florida windshields collect bugs, pleaded guilty last week to doing
something exceedingly stupid (for a guy who seemed for years so resourceful at
staying one step ahead of the sheriff): failing to file federal income tax
returns for three years (and also using a false social security number on a
loan). He'll do some prison time but under better living conditions than his
tenants. [Tampa Tribune]

More Things To Worry About Today A rookie judge in Panama City got frightened at a bad-dude defendant and
warned him not to try anything because he himself was packing heat (but the
chief judge had a little talk with him) [Associated Press via Tampa Tribune]
. . . . . Two CB-radio acquaintances, feuding for six years, finally met
face-to-face in the parking lot at the Wal-Mart in Apopka, resulting in a
little Mace and a little gunfire [See? Never give up!] [Orlando Sentinel] .
. . . . One of the three teenagers who tried to rob the illusionist David
Copperfield in April in West Palm Beach pleaded guilty (Copperfield "showed"
them he was carrying nothing, but in fact, he was carr… hey, how did he
do that?) [Associated Press via CNN] . . . . . The queen of Never Give Up,
Katherine Harris (trailing by 25 points all year long), told a reporter that
she was absolutely certain she would win, right up until about 8 p.m.
Tuesday night when the Associated Press called her race for Nelson [Palm
Beach Post] . . . . . And finally, the good news: Florida's own (from
Jupiter) T-squared (Tom Taylor), 19, will be in the house next week at the
world video gaming championships in Las Vegas (he's already working under an
$80k/yr contract with an outfit called Major League Gaming). [Associated
Press via Tampa Tribune]

This article appears in Nov 8-14, 2006.