Never content to be outdone by Kevin White, Jim Norman is equally disgraceful.

A satirical look at Norman’s latest plea for help

Dear sycophant Kool-aid drinking Republicans:

As you know, it’s tough being an elected official when the darned media starts asking questions about where you got your lakefront resort home in Arkansas and a pair of nice boats to go with it. What they don’t realize is it is tough being a county commissioner; and I need those boats for recreation – especially fishing for some big Bass! I have done my best to keep who paid for my wife’s house from you and the media because I don’t like to see people get upset. And that’s what you would be if you really knew where the coin came from. You would say: “that smells like something Kevin White dragged in.” And Lord knows I don’t want to be associated with him. As you know I am committed to fighting increasing taxes and mandates that continue to burden you – unless it happens to be a multi-million dollar sports complex with my name on it, or if the Feds. are paying for it on the backs of our children and grandchildren.

The reason I have chose to run as your State Senator in District 12 is, I really need a job. Flying back and forth to Arkansas is about to break me. So even some low-paying job in the state legislature will help pay the bills the wife doesn’t pay. And while yes, the pay in Tallahassee stinks, you don’t have to work real hard, there are lots of free dinners and receptions to go to, and the people I meet up in Tallahassee who couldn’t give two piles of dog poop about you have deeeeeep pockets!

Fellow career politician Senator Victor Crist has reached the limit of his term in office and has endorsed my campaign as have all the bought and paid for “leaders” of our party. These are the guys who will give me plum committee assignments so I can shake down the lobbyists with the fattest bank accounts – so long as I do EXACTLY as they say. Oh, and I forgot to mention, one of the reasons I (like Victor Crist) am running for state legislature is because I am also term-limited. In short, my six-figure “job” on the county commission is as out of reach for me as the truth about my lake house is to you the voters and the media. So after twenty years of ignoring the real problems facing Hillsborough County (traffic being the big one people are always bitchin’ about), and focusing on irrelevant things like the sports park, I’m ready to take my knuckle-headedness to Tallahassee and be a voice for, uhm, err, uh, you. Yeah, that’s it. I’m going to work for you!

Keeping in mind that you need me, let me just say, I need you. I need you to walk, make calls, and talk to your friends about “nonperforming Norman!” Wait a minute, did I say that? Ah, forget it. Just come help volunteer.

I’ll be at the lake house if you need me.

Your incompetent pal,

Jimbo

p.s. If you’re interested in making things hard for the media to find, go to Arkansas. They have real convenient rules about disclosure, public records, and stuff like that – why do ya’ think ol’ Clinton lived there?

(Editor’s note: Norman’s “real” plea for help follows).

This article appears in Jul 29 – Aug 4, 2010.