I can take only so much real news before I have to turn to political satire to keep me sane. I get mine from The Daily Show and This Modern World, a.k.a. Tom Tomorrow, the nom de plume of Dan Perkins, creator of that sarcastic, contrarian cartoon strip that runs in this paper every week.

I've had my share of staring into the abyss devoid of a satiric antidote to the news. Stormy nights when Dish Network gets rained out. My weekly dose of Tom Tomorrow has long since been consumed. And I just don't feel like robbing the convenience store for the money to buy one of those pricey prescriptions to help me sit happily mesmerized through six hours of a 30-second tape loop showing a doctor inspecting Saddam Hussein's mouth and ears.

If you've had similar dark times, you'll be happy to know there's a new quick and dependable cure: The Great Big Book of Tom Tomorrow from St. Martins Griffin.

The book starts with a short, self-effacing autobiography, written with Perkins' trademark blend of irony and absurdity:

"Who is Tom Tomorrow?" it starts.

"It is a question that keeps the public awake at night, tossing and turning throughout the long, restless predawn hours, much to the annoyance of the public's significant other, who really could use a decent night's sleep for a change." Perkins goes on to hint at legends of a yurt-dwelling, roadkill-eating recluse, rumors of "an illicit liaison with Alex Trebek and Marilyn Quayle, a night of debauchery which reportedly left two of them emotionally scarred for life, but meant very little to the third."

The truth, it turns out, is somewhat less preposterous and somewhat more encouraging to those gazillion or so cartoonists out there, working in copy shops, publishing 'zines, temping and bugging editors of alternative newspapers to publish their strips. That's pretty much what Perkins says he did.

What he does not say but his fans know is that he also made intelligent cartoons that lampooned the absurdities of modern life, including corporate fealty, runaway technology and rampant consumerism. His retro style, he writes, was inspired by old Life magazine ads. He became entranced by the blatantly manipulative advertising from a less media savvy age, in which ads didn't just imply their products would solve your problems; they stated it. He began to use images of those happy, anachronistic consumers in his cartoon collages.

This Modern World and many of its current themes, says Perkins, were hatched in an underground 'zine he created and published while working as a temp in the mid-1980s. "I was able to format documents and transcribe notes … somehow the work passed from my eyes directly to my fingers, leaving my brain free to amuse itself thinking up cartoons."

The book contains early Perkins comics, collages and 'zines as well as later more refined romps through the first Bush presidency, the Clinton administration and the second Bush presidency all the way through the war on Saddam Hussein.

Perkins also skewers the media and their disciples, from the progressive to the conservative to the just plain clueless, including vacuous television news programs (The Alarmist News Network), Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect (featuring a leggy blond conservative pundit, an empty-headed actor, a burned-out rocker and the Taco Bell dog); glossy celebrity magazines, The Nation, The New York Times, Newsweak (sic) and others.

My favorite cartoons are those few sprinkled throughout the book that parody the flag-waving intolerance in this country for disagreement with the current administration. One takes the form of a quiz called "Are You a Real American?" You answer yes or no questions, such as "are you completely uninterested in the roots and geopolitical context of our current conflict?" and "do you draw strength from your unwavering faith in an invisible, omniscient deity who favors those born in the middle of the North American continent land mass above all others?" If you answer no to any of the questions, says the quiz, "It's indisputable: You are not a real American."

Call me crazy, but that's the kind of stuff that keeps me sane.

The Fiction Contest

Rises Again, Sort ofLots of writers out there have been asking whether we're ever going to do another fiction contest. The answer, for now, is yes — and no. Times are tight, and we've had to find creative ways to get the work of local fiction writers into the paper. So let's try this:

This year's competition is going to be way shorter, for one thing, which challenges writers to be more creative as well. Maximum length for entries is 750 words. Stories should be set in or have something to do with Florida (Bay area would be nice) and should not have been published elsewhere.

To enter, e-mail stories to me at the address at the end of this column or send hard copies to Weekly Planet Really Very Extremely Short Story Contest, 1310 E. Ninth Ave., Tampa, FL 33605.

There is no deadline. We will publish the best stories whenever they turn up.

What constitutes a good story? Content is important, but good craftsmanship is what elevates a story to a level beyond entertaining anecdote. On the most basic level, that means you know how to construct a sentence and craft a story. (If you don't know how, read a book or take a class. It's amazing how much there is to learn about writing well.) Beyond that, it means using the language and elements of storycraft in fresh ways, without resorting to cliches. It means opening a world to readers in such a way that they can see, taste, smell and hear that world, feel its truth in a visceral way. That's a tall order for 750 words. The payoff? $100 and publication in this paper.

So I'm throwing down the gauntlet to all the writers, writing groups and classes out there looking for a challenge, a publication credit and a hundred bucks. Show us what you've got.

Contact Contributing Editor Susan F. Edwards via e-mail at susan.edwards15 @verizon.net.

This article appears in Jan 8-14, 2004.