As my testicles straddled the electrode contacts on the Intensity, I was suddenly far less confident that four AAA batteries were incapable of delivering a handicapping jolt of electricity to my genitals—my mind kept filling with images of the shell-shocked patients of electro-shock-therapy. Still, a deal was a deal. I clenched my jaw and my wife flipped the electric current on.
As a guy, I can’t personally test the majority of sex toys on the market. Instead, I frequently use my wife’s vagina as a surrogate testing facility. This was my plan when I received an email about testing the Intensity Vibe, which won this year’s AVN award for Best Sex Toy for Women. I assumed my wife would be eager to test it. Then the Intensity arrived.
The Intensity is nothing if not intimidating. In its case it looks like a futuristic ray gun. When I inflated the silicone shaft to three times its normal girth, my wife looked skeptical. Then I picked up what I thought was a sample bottle of lube included in the packaging.
“Is electrode gel the same stuff EMTs rub on defibrillators?” I asked.
About this time I had flipped on the vibrator's power and was randomly pushing buttons. One of the controls was lighting up rhythmically but I couldn't figure out what it controlled. Then I grabbed the shaft and my hand jumped back from the mild electric charge.
For the record, I am not great at following directions, especially when it comes to sex toys. While the product's spokeswoman assured me that the soft tissue inside the vagina absorbs the electro-stimulation and that the electric pulses feel nothing like they do outside of the body, my wife was not sold on inserting the Intensity inside her baby factory. I could not exactly send back a sex toy with gel smeared all over it. A compromise had to be reached. My wife would get to shock my balls until she felt comfortable using the machine on herself.
The Intensity Vibe works by forcing a woman's pelvic floor muscles to contract. These kegel exercises allegedly help intensify a woman's orgasms. My wife has tried devices intended to strengthen her pelvic muscles before, like the weighted Ben Wa balls she brought home from a pleasure party and used once. Since this electric “exercise machine” came with a vibrator, I figured she would actually use the Intensity as she could get off while exercising.
Unfortunately my wife has never been a fan of sex toys that require insertion. Like many women, all she cares about is clitoral stimulation. As expected, her first hang-up with the Intensity was that in order to benefit from the vibrating “rabbit,” she had to insert the inflatable shaft.
The next challenge was getting her comfortable enough to flip on the electric pulses. After testing the different levels on my testicles and her hand, she felt comfortable turning the electro-stimulation up to the third level of intensity. The stimulation did not shock her, but she also did not dare crank it all the way up to ten.
We also discovered that the Intensity is not exactly a "couples toy." At first I tried to hold the vibrator for her. The whole time I felt like an OBGYN, constantly asking how it felt and if I should adjust any of the settings: the vibration, the size of the shaft, the intensity of the electro-stimulation. Although holding the toy in position is a bit awkward for the user, she quickly took control of the device and even banished me from the room—apparently me sitting in a chair with a notepad and asking her questions about how her vagina felt was not the experience she was hoping for.
“Was it the most intense orgasm you’ve ever had?” I asked when she emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later.
“I guess so,” she said.
She explained how the muscle spasms of her orgasm synchronized with the pulses of electricity. The only question was, would she use the product without me prodding her to do so?
This is the difference between men and women. Most men are willing to try anything if we believe it will positively impact our penis. In fact, I was already wondering if companies like FleshLight offered a masturbation sleeve containing electro-stimulation. I kept fantasizing about strapping my penis into a futuristic machine like the Russian scientists did in Rocky 4 to turn Dolph Lundgren into a bulging specimen of manliness. But, alas, I am a man and sex toy technology is primarily engineered for women.
Check out more about the Intensity Vibe at JOPEN.com.
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