BREAKING NEWS
PROGRESS ENERGY WANTING TO "TIP" ITSELF
Hey, they're still the best power monopoly I've ever been forced to use…
'80s CHRISTIAN METAL BAND STRYPER REUNITES
All right, all right, you can have all the Supreme Court appointments you want – but for the love of your God, turn that shit off!
THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO CENSOR CABLE
Before long, the only time we'll get nudity, blood and profanity on TV is when Doctor 90210 botches a boob job.
"THE COLBERT REPORT" TO AIR AFTER THE DAILY SHOW
Jon Stewart's sidekick will spoof O'Reilly, Hannity and Matthews. Say goodnight, Dave and Jay.
PINELLAS COUNTY SCHOOLS
Don't worry, the checks from A Current Affair, Hard Copy, Inside Edition, and Fox News Channel are in the mail.
STATE GOES A WHOLE WEEK WITHOUT A CHILD ABDUCTION AND MANAGES TO FINISH A LEGISLATIVE SESSION
Can Florida have its dessert now?
TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES
We got your back, Van Der Beek.
THIS JUST IN:
–Tampa Tribune 5/3 
Unnamed sources also claim that friend was "hoping to do it."
Compiled by Weekly Planet staff
This article appears in May 12-18, 2005.