It seems a shame to dwell on any bad stuff in the wake of such a stupendous, historic Tuesday. That said, a certain rough beast's hour did come back 'round at last…
Everybody's favorite cadaverous interest-conflicting public servant Rick Scott was sworn in for his second term as governor of Florida. Satan was unable to attend due to a scheduling conflict — he was in DC to do a deal with Boehner — but he did send a representative delegation consisting of two horsemen of the Apocalypse, six imps, nine minor demons, Chris Christie and Rick Perry.
Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn has so far raised $360,000 for his re-election campaign — you know, the one he's running against no one at all. Buckhorn says he probably won't need the dough for the election itself, but that he did have his eye on a really, really cool new nameplate for his office that he saw in the SkyMall catalog.
An elephant at Busch Gardens will be exposed to a herd of females for the purpose of "sustaining the species." One of the less-publicized perks of obtaining a Master's in zoology while specializing in endangered species, by the way, is when it comes time to get all giggly while thinking up really objective-sounding scientific euphemisms for "animal boning."
A Pasco County man arrested for possession of pot and meth at an area Kmart was wearing a T-shirt that said "Who Needs Drugs — No, Seriously, I Have Drugs" at the time. Man, nobody does irony right while in the process of doing irony completely wrong quite like Pasco.
And finally, of course, the hard work and hope of tens of thousands of people statewide, who fought for nothing more than the belief that everyone is entitled to the equal right to share their love with the world, were vindicated. If this is indeed the train leaving the station bound for the downfall of human civilization, I for one am looking forward to a hell of a great road trip — you know, the kind where everybody actually has a good time because no single, shrill, bitchy individual anoints him- or herself the arbiter of "scheduled fun activities in an orderly fashion." Congratulations, everybody!
This article appears in Dec 25-31, 2014.