All right, people — you know what to do.
The newest way to traverse the bay, the Cross-Bay Ferry, announced among other cool new updates — like discounts for regular riders — that it will start serving booze. "After all, how drunk can people get in 50 minutes?" asked somebody who's never been to any college bar on any night anywhere.
A Polk County inmate escaped while working as a trustee at the county's fleet maintenance facility. Because of course you want your incarcerated people working unsupervised around a large number of anonymous-looking vehicles that are always coming and going.
The Gasparilla Music Festival announced its first round of confirmed performers, which includes Cage The Elephant, The New Mastersounds and Dirty Dozen Brass Band, among others. One of the great things about super-eclectic fests? You get to congratulate yourself on supporting such an open-minded musical endeavor while simultaneously planning your leisurely 45-minute-long trips to the bar and Port-O-Let during sets by bands you want to kill.
And finally, a former employee at a Tarpon Springs elementary school is suing the city over a 2012 incident in which she was injured by an exploding toilet. Listen: No matter how bad your day might be today, chances are extremely low that you will be injured by an exploding toilet. So there's that.
This article appears in Nov 17-24, 2016.