Breathe easy, friends: This particular round-up of yesterday's news contains no mentions of a particular, popular wild-haired carrot who misinterpreted overhead snatches of Fox News whilst growing in a wild patch alongside the beltway, and subsequently decided it needed to constantly spew bile in order to successfully infiltrate humanity.

Try not to die of surprise: Enterprise Florida, the state organization whose job is to woo businesses to come to Florida and to sell Florida businesses abroad, isn't very good at differentiating between projected sales numbers and real ones. Fudged or fuzzy or uncertain numbers? From an administration bent on running government like a business? It's — oh, never mind, I can see you've died of surprise.

First there was fecal bacteria in Oldsmar's drinking water, then there wasn't. So, what, just the one tester guy not washing his hands, then? Tasty.

Florida set a new record for endangered panthers killed on roadways. "That just means there are more, right?" Well, yes — like, six more. Oops, five. That's not really how we wanna find out, you know.

And finally, red tide moved into southern Pinellas waters, as evidence by localized fish kills. You don't go to the beach; this means nothing to you. Go ahead and finish your lunchtime session IPA before longboarding back to the office on Central. (Sorry, Gulfport.)

This article appears in Dec 3-9, 2015.