Good foggy morning to you. It's Strawberry Festival Tickets Go On Sale Day! Don't bother if The Band Perry was your specific jam; they canceled. The I love The '90s show — featuring acts that actually began to score their biggest hits at the end of the '80s — is still on, but be forewarned that the only dessert option with that particular order is Vanilla Ice. OK then, onward, into the past.
The mayor of the Polk County city of Davenport was arrested for allegedly using the expired mirror placards of two dead people to illegally park in spaces at City Hall reserved for the handicapped. Are we even going to pretend to be shocked at this point that a public servant might've engaged in criminal behavior more readily associated with an impulsive 19-year-old scam artist possessed of an unreasonably high opinion of their own cleverness than with an elected official? Has anybody checked to see if she has a Twitter account?
A Pasco County Sheriff's Office helicopter pilot got pissed that somebody was shining a laser pointer into his cockpit during a law enforcement action, so he set the chopper down in a parking lot, walked over and collared the 27-year-old idiot himself. Strong move. No word on how that barricaded suspect call he was backing up at the time turned out. (h/t Casey Paquet)
Hillsborough cops are tracking down three morons caught on video trying to break into a Lutz high school using the burglary tools available to them at the time: beer cans and bike parts. Authorities are definitely not speculating that the vandals needed to get into the school to settle a bet over whether The Squire or The Cook is mentioned first in The Canterbury Tales.
And finally, "Florida Man Breaks into Garage, Drinks Wine Cooler." Well, sure.
This article appears in Dec 7-14, 2017.