Happy Spring Training Day! If you are reading this at work, start complaining immediately about your bowels, go to the bathroom for 15 minutes (you can take your phone), and then bail. See you in the stands.

A former server at Tampa nightclub Drynk was arrested for getting two guys to rob and beat the shit out of another guy that, I dunno, annoyed her or something. Seriously, you should always be polite to your server just on principle, but also be polite to your server so she doesn't get two guys to rob and beat the shit out of you. Wow.

Did you ever wonder what it might look like if a wizard clumped together a bunch of horse manure and then used magic to turn it into a human man? It would probably look a lot like this.

TripAdvisor.com called Siesta Beach in Sarasota the top "Traveler's Choice" beach in the world, and included St. Pete Beach and Clearwater Beach in its top 5. All of the top 5 beaches are in America, which seems to imply that most of the people who rate stuff on TripAdvisor.com are really into beaches without nudity and/or uninhibited pooping.

And finally, Jacksonville is absolutely crushing the "Gotta Be Florida" news sweepstakes lately; the most recent story concerns this dude who swears his dog shot his girlfriend. Totally. It was totally the dog. We believe you, Florida Man.

This article appears in Feb 23 – Mar 2, 2017.