Happy Tax Day! Feels good to be supporting such an egalitarian and beneficial system of governance, doesn't it? Here, have a cheeseburger.
Accredited garbage person Chris Brown allegedly sucker-punched a photographer at a Channelside club after his show at Amalie Arena, which was packed with people willing to reinforce the notion that Chris Brown's life choices are totally OK. Somewhere, somebody is sighing and taking a low double-digit number off a sign that says "It has been __ days since Chris Brown did something shitty" to replace it with a zero and wonder once more why they even made the damned thing in the first place.
A phone tip led authorities to find a man sleeping on the roof of Sacred Heart Catholic Church in downtown Tampa. You totally thought for a second there it was Jesus, didn't you? You did. Just for a split-second, you thought it might be Jesus. It wasn't Jesus.
And finally, if you haven't really grasped how bad the heroin problem is just south of the bay, check out yesterday's story about a Sarasota woman who was arrested last week for running a shooting gallery at her house and charging a "cover" of drugs for entry. Cops and first responders had been dispatched to her house more than 30 times for overdoses and such before arresting her, and there were seven ODs — including hers — on the day she was arrested. I wonder what her Yelp reviews were like. "7/10 — I wouldn't mind nearly dying in a convulsive heap on the floor there again, but it did seem a bit pricey for what you got."
This article appears in Apr 13-20, 2017.