Welcome back to the workweek. Did you blow off some steam over the weekend? Some of these folks sure did:
FRIDAY, JULY 8:
Unwilling to let human violence overshadow his species' recent and ongoing rebellion, an 11-foot alligator bit a woman in Seminole County while she waded in the Little Big Econ River. Wading in fresh water during The Apocalyptic Gator Uprising of 2016: ILL-ADVISED.
Here is video of an idiot stealing a St. Pete parking meter. Twenty bucks says he still hasn't gotten to the 20 bucks in change inside.
SATURDAY, JULY 9:
A 53-year-old Polk County man was arrested after admitting he was responsible for a suspicious package with the word "bomb" written on it found at a Lakeland gas station. When asked why he wrote "bomb" on the box of his clothes, the 53-year-old Polk County man said his imagination made him do it. I feel you, 53-year-old Polk County man. I feel you.
SUNDAY, JULY 10:
A very drunk Orlando woman was arrested at Shephard's in Clearwater after throwing some metal chairs off the balcony of her hotel room and injuring three dudes below. She was not 19 at the time of the incident. Or 22. Or 24. Or 27. Keep going.
And finally, a security guard was charged with aggravated assault, among other things, after firing a gun at two men he tried to detain for urinating in an Ybor City parking garage. This is why you need to read the employee handbook in its entirety.
This article appears in Jul 7-14, 2016.